To not want to go to this wedding?

[possum18]

Dp will be best man, I have only met the couple once. Dp will presumably sit at the top table, and I will be placed on a random table - I don't know anyone else going to this wedding. Normally I would suck it up and sit and smile but I will have given birth to twins a few weeks before and I just don't know how the whole thing will pan out. Dp has a room at the hotel and says I can use it for changing, napping and feeding whenever I want, but it's a long day. Dp will want to drink which is fine, but I won't have any help. I have asked if it would be acceptable for me to miss the wedding ceremony and breakfast and just attend the reception but I got a firm no. WIBU to sack it off?

Good, glad you've got your mum signed up to come over and help you out and keep you company while your DH is doing his bestmanning bit.
Hopefully she'll have something to say to him about his expectations too, if he continues to try and persuade you to go....

I disagree, I don't think the OP needs to do anything here.

If DH is the "friend" then it's actually up to him to explain that he will be coming alone as it's simply not going to be possible for the OP to attend.

Any "helpful" suggestions about bay sitters etc needs to met with a firm response of "I can understand that you want everyone to celebrate your special day, however there is no scenario that can possibly accommodate my wife being able to attend so shortly after giving birth to 2 babies and in all likelihood major abdominal surgery.She will be sending me and her best wishes instead".

Brilliant update Possum

Don't forget order in plenty of snacky treats!

I have asked if it would be acceptable for me to miss the wedding ceremony and breakfast and just attend the reception but I got a firm no.

A firm no from whom? No one can make you attend a wedding.

Just say in advance you will not be up to it and wish them well. That way you are warning them not to spend money on food etc you will not be there to eat.

Another fuck that shit here!

Can't believe they're making you feel so pressured to go! HELLO LADY HAVING TWINS HERE YOU INSENSITIVE TWIT BAGS!

I bet DP changes his mind once they're here as well, ha HE'LL be feeling too knackered to go!

I think that they are REALLY unreasonable expecting you to be there!

Another argument against them is the fact that you don't want 100+ (or however many) strange people around your newborns potentially spewing germs/colds/coughs all over them. Let's face it, if this is what the wedding couple are like, people will feel obligated to go, even if they have the flu or something!!

Call me daft, but I think it's good to keep visitors and socialising to a sensible minimum for the first month with a newborn, not stuck in a room with a load of strangers all day, touching their faces and wanting to pick them up! (OK, I'm possibly sounding a bit OCD now, but that shit freaks me out, strangers touching my baby's face... where have your hands been?!?!).

It's not that OP needs to do anything, it's just that it seems a little rude to have kept ignoring invitations from good friends of your DP, and meeting up with them seems like a good chance to kill two birds with one stone.

I've also just remembered my wedding where I had bridesmaids aged 3,4 and 6. Seemed a good idea at the time - end result I was totally upstaged by their phenomenal cuteness.

I've changed my mind - you should totally go and witness their wedding be destroyed by the magnetic power of new born twins

No. Don't go. How can you? It's ridiculous

I would not even be considering this. YABVVVVVU to even remotely consider it. Stop it.

That is actually true, nobody will give a shit about the bride if there are newborn twins to coo over.

Do not go or be pressured!

Another vote for Fuck that shit here.

And even though the OP's updated, her DH needs to realise that they would be very, very lucky indeed to be able to get anyone willing to babysit newborn twins.

I've had two children, but if I were asked to babysit newborn twins, it would be a definite NO CHANCE.

Someone else's babies? That you don't know? I've babysat 1, but 2? Not on your life!

I have twins, I was a zombie and not even getting out my pj's a few weeks after!! Stay home with your babies and ask a friend(s) round to help. No way would I have been able to or even wanted to go to a wedding.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (X 1 Million).

Fuck that!

Email them the link to this thread.

That'll learn 'em.

They probably do think that you don't like them and are being difficult due to the past but they're massively projecting here. Surely even childless people with no clue about babies would know that newborn twins are rather hard work!?

As for palming them off onto someone for the day....ha ha ha. Who would be mental enough to want to look after newborn twins that aren't theirs all day? Plus I think separating a new mother from her babies for hours just to go to a wedding is actually cruel. Babies need their mums in the early weeks, that's just how it is. Sorry, but no-one's wedding is that important.

Possum's husband if you're reading this: I am childless but I am a midwife. Twins are bloody hard work - you're both going to be knackered. Get your head out of the sand, there is no way you can expect possum to wrangle newborn twins on her own. She has my permission to do nothing than sit on the sofa for at least 6 weeks. I can guarantee that you, and your friends, will feel like idiots for asking her to do this in the future when you've all had experience of babies.

Maybe you could buy them a really nice wedding present as an apology and suggest you all go out for a meal together when the twins are a bit older as a sort of compromise? You could also suggest that if you have to go to this wedding, then I'm sure your DH won't mind you going off all day somewhere when they're a few weeks old and he can look after the twins on his own. And do keep the friends in mind for babysitting duties for all day events. After all, it's SO EASY. I'd bet they'd jump at the offer.

No no no no no. DH was best man at sil's wedding 6 weeks after DTs were born. It was horrendous. Let him go on his own.

I've had twins, believe me going to a wedding is the last thing you'll want to do so soon after giving birth to 2 small people, not to mention how sleep deprived and sore you'll be. Also the (near enough) constant feeding and nappy changing.

Don't go!!!! Are you expected to get childcare for the two of them for the day or take them??
I went to my cousin's wedding with a 3 week old baby. It was HELL. And that was just the evening do.
The baby was a crier .. I had to find a quiet place to feed them ... I was exhausted and stressed and tired and miserable and the baby was too.
Politely say you will not be going as you do not want to.
MN no is a complete sentence etc

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Hurray for supportive mums.

FUCK THAT SHIT TO DELUDED HUSBANDS AND THE STUPID BRIDE AND GROOM.

Another vote for: Fuck that shit.......times infinity!

How can they make you go? Really how?

mr possum (possums husband) really.....? Possum could have stiches, the twins may need to stay in hospital longer than expected. You just don't know! Please, tell your friends that she cannot come and will not come..ask to take a friend/brother in her place! Problem solved....also send them a link to this thread.

Oh and trying to find a quiet place to BF while stupid drunk uncle keeps trying to chat to you ... and the baby is squirming and you're trying not to flash a boob ... and trying not to cry ... nooooooooooooo

OP's dh, if you are reading this after your wife sent you this link.

She will still be bleeding, she will be tired, her boobs might hurt, she might be leaking milk, she might be sore, she might be emotional, she might just not want to go because she just doesn't feel like it. She does not want to leave your newborns for the day either to attend a wedding of a couple she barely knows.

Tell your friends to put a sock in it and support your wife.

And fuck that shit!