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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to this wedding?

186 replies

possum18 · 02/12/2015 10:10

Dp will be best man, I have only met the couple once. Dp will presumably sit at the top table, and I will be placed on a random table - I don't know anyone else going to this wedding. Normally I would suck it up and sit and smile but I will have given birth to twins a few weeks before and I just don't know how the whole thing will pan out. Dp has a room at the hotel and says I can use it for changing, napping and feeding whenever I want, but it's a long day. Dp will want to drink which is fine, but I won't have any help. I have asked if it would be acceptable for me to miss the wedding ceremony and breakfast and just attend the reception but I got a firm no. WIBU to sack it off?

OP posts:
Preciousxbane · 02/12/2015 10:40

My only request is that when you are up to it please announce the arrival of your baby possums so we can send virtual flowers.

littlemermaid80 · 02/12/2015 10:43

My sister had a 3 week old at our wedding, (we moved the date of the wedding back because it coincided with the birth) and she was my matron of honour. She was breastfeeding and needed a special dress made so she could slip the straps down ok.
She wouldn't have missed our wedding for the world, but said it was a HARD incredibly stressful day.
And that was one baby, with her dh helping.

ChimpyChops · 02/12/2015 10:44

I am another one in agreement.

Fuck.that.shit.

diddl · 02/12/2015 10:44

You'll feel different on the day?

Yup-I reckon so.

You'll be so busy with your newborns that you'll give even less fucks about their wedding than you now!

Original poster
possum18 · 02/12/2015 10:47

This idea of DH having to hold one baby at all times during his precious best man duties I'm hoping will be a deal breaker for him! He's lovely and I know will do his fair share of the baby work day to day, he is just taking all this best man stuff too seriously - he told me this morning that I will need to make my own way there Incase the groom needs him in the morning! I will of course post baby possum pics for you all, but alas you will be waiting till March!! Smile

OP posts:
HackerFucker22 · 02/12/2015 10:49

Another vote for fuck that shit

I'd not even consider it given the circumstances.

rollonthesummer · 02/12/2015 10:53

Has he ever seen a baby? Does he know what's involved!?

Fuck that shit sums it all up very nicely!

Viviennemary · 02/12/2015 10:53

Say you're not going. You've tried compromising and it didn't work. Your DH is going to have a great shock when your babies arrive.

AnonymousBird · 02/12/2015 10:54

F.T.S. with bells on, OP

mamas12 · 02/12/2015 10:54

Omfg he really doesn't have clue does
I would get the midwife to sit him down and actually explain that presuming you have a cs which is major abdominal surgery you will still be bleeding from your nether regions, leaking milk from your breasts, not sleeping, raging hormones and then with two yes two babies who will have their own individual agendas re when they need feeding and changing etc etc honestly I'll be surprised you even get washed and dressed yourself three weeks after never mind organise your own bloody transport and get yourself there !!!!!
It looks like he he is denial of what exactly parenthood is and is in for a massive learning curve hope he takes it well
Good luck with your lovely uncles and nothing is more important that that

Jibberjabberjooo · 02/12/2015 10:55

Another vote for fuck that shit!

You'll have just had two babies! You have know idea how you'll recover, if you've had a c section you won't be able to drive, you'll still be bleeding and your boobs will be enormous and leaking milk and I expect you'll be hormonal still.

He wants you to make your own way there? Dh, if you're reading this, pull your head out of your arse, this wedding is not as important as your wife and the twins she's just about to give birth to. You're focusing on completely the wrong thing here. Man the fuck up. Your wife cannot go.

I went to a wedding with my four week old, was having to escape to breastfeed and I was still bleeding, dh was next to me the entire time.

I hope the reality hits your dh when you have them. He's in for a shock.

mamas12 · 02/12/2015 10:55

Uncles? Bundles I mean haha

LagunaBubbles · 02/12/2015 10:55

I have asked if it would be acceptable for me to miss the wedding ceremony and breakfast and just attend the reception but I got a firm no

Who from? Your DH or the wedding couple? If its them why are they that bothered if you can come or not - an invitation is an invite not a demand! If its your DH then he has issues.

Seriously you will just have given birth and he wants you to make your own way to a wedding with newborn twins?? Seriously? Shock

RobotLover68 · 02/12/2015 10:56

I have asked if it would be acceptable for me to miss the wedding ceremony and breakfast and just attend the reception but I got a firm no

From who? You're an adult and can make your own decisions - I'd sack the whole lot off if they won't accept your evening only attendance

CurlyBlueberry · 02/12/2015 10:56

TWO newborn babies?! Yes fuck that shit. Seriously.

littlemermaid80 · 02/12/2015 10:56

You'll have to make your own way there?! Charming Confused

Seriously he sounds like he needs a kick up the backside

Helloitsme15 · 02/12/2015 10:57

fuck that shit

Original poster
possum18 · 02/12/2015 10:58

Thank you all, nice to know I have my head screwed on and not being U! Fuck this shit GrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 02/12/2015 10:59

I would think your chances of:

actually being fit to attend are circa 5%
spending 99.999% of the day in the hotel room are 100%
having a serious falling out with your DH when he rolls in around 2am seriously tiddly and snores the night away about 100%
chance of baby puke on the morning suit 85%
chance of poo explosion around 3 weeks necessitating bath and complete change of clothes around 85%
keeping many guests awake half the night 70%
having to cart travel cots, steamers, bouncy chairs and all sorts of other shite requiring an enormous hotel room 100%
you both wishing you'd "Just said NO" 150%

And multiply all that by two obviously Grin

Just say NO now and try to get some help booked in for the day of the wedding. I'm impressed that your DH is actually still going to be honest because his friends certainly aren't being reasonable.

MrsJayy · 02/12/2015 10:59

Just say no i wont be coming. i was at a wedding where dh was best man i didnt know anybody it was grim the people at dinner table were nice enough but dd had a broken leg too and we were kinda stuck to the spot all day

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/12/2015 10:59

Ynbu. It's no mean feat adjusting to life after giving birth to one baby let alone twins. Plus you'll be too wrapped up in your babies and who wouldn't be.
I don't think anyone would relish the thought of going somewhere after just giving birth and if they didn't know anyone. And in addition to this you won't even be sitting with your DH. Speaking of whom however I don't think he's being very supportive with his closed minded flat out "no".

MrsJayy · 02/12/2015 11:01

Oh and Dh pissed me off running about mingling doing the best man thing i was a miserable moo tbh my face tripped me all day

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 02/12/2015 11:01

No way is this going to happen. It would be challenging with one baby. With two I'd say it's near enough logistically impossible!

For context, I was always pretty gungho about getting on with stuff when my babies were small.

They are your dh's best man responsibilities, not yours! Smile

AnonymousBird · 02/12/2015 11:01

I really wouldn't go at all.

I know someone who went to a wedding with a 3 day old, but her DH was Best Man, her DD was bridesmaid, the couple were their best friends and she had a set of grandparents and a day nanny all there to help/support/cope etc.... And she only came to the ceremony and meal and then made discreet exit.

Original poster
possum18 · 02/12/2015 11:02

Dp has been told by wedding couple I have to attend the whole event as its all in the same venue they pay per person no matter which parts are attended. I'd gladly how them the money to get them off my back. They also told him they have arranged transportation for him for early in the morning. They clearly don't get it, as much as this is their day and they are all on cloud 9 - they are being really thoughtless. I don't know why they are so bothered about me coming, I'm sure they will want me gone ASAP if I do go and rock up with my double pram and two screaming babies Angry

OP posts:
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