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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to this wedding?

186 replies

possum18 · 02/12/2015 10:10

Dp will be best man, I have only met the couple once. Dp will presumably sit at the top table, and I will be placed on a random table - I don't know anyone else going to this wedding. Normally I would suck it up and sit and smile but I will have given birth to twins a few weeks before and I just don't know how the whole thing will pan out. Dp has a room at the hotel and says I can use it for changing, napping and feeding whenever I want, but it's a long day. Dp will want to drink which is fine, but I won't have any help. I have asked if it would be acceptable for me to miss the wedding ceremony and breakfast and just attend the reception but I got a firm no. WIBU to sack it off?

OP posts:
TillITookAnArrowToTheKnee · 02/12/2015 11:02

ALL THE FUCKING NO

NO NO NOPETY NOPE

Would be my answer.

spritefairy · 02/12/2015 11:04

No no no no no no no no no. Did I mention no??
No way would I go with one baby. Two?! Fuck that shit

Jibberjabberjooo · 02/12/2015 11:05

You don't have to do anything OP. Keep remembering that.

RB68 · 02/12/2015 11:05

Please make sure DH is very involved in the babies at all times - seriously just hand one over - kick him to do night wakings and when you get up make lots of noise, believe me he will WANT to go on his own, just hand him the pink slip that says YOU OWE ME ONE and start planning a spa weekend for around 6 mths and leave him to it

IrishTeacher · 02/12/2015 11:05

YANBU OP.
Absolutely FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

and anyone in your RL who thinks you should go needs a good kick in the hole.

LagunaBubbles · 02/12/2015 11:06

What is it about weddings that turn people into raging selfish complete and utter idiots? Weddings arent just about the couple, I would never have treated any of my guests like this. I take it they dont have children obviously?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/12/2015 11:07

No Possum. You don't have to anything in this life that you don't want to. You have the right to say no to anything. You have to go and what are tyryb going to do ifv you don't.
Take you to court.!
They're acting like a pair of precious snow flakes, TBPH

Feeches · 02/12/2015 11:08

Good God No. I could barely cope on my own with one newborn on an outing. But two?No way. This couple and your DH need to pull their heads out their arses.

UsedtobeFeckless · 02/12/2015 11:08

Another vote for No Way Go! I've been to several wedding with very small babies in tow and they have all been, without exception, totally awful.

Stay at home and he can go and have fun on his own - you won't have any if you go, trust me! Wink

Musicaltheatremum · 02/12/2015 11:08

I would say, "fine, keep my space," then when your husband realises what a daft idea this is after the babies are born and you drop out you can have great pleasure saying "I did say I would pull out" when they moan you've wasted a booking.

reni2 · 02/12/2015 11:09

On the other hand, if you are there at least you'll have dh to help rather than being home alone. He WILL hold at least one baby at all times and then you two will have times when you have both, because the other one is cleaning puke or whatever off your gladrags. The babies will scream (B&G wanted this, right?). There will be that poo that comes out at the neck. Do make sure to tell everyone who'll listen you didn't want to go but B&G insisted and were going to be really pissed off.

Alternatively, invite B&G to yours three weeks prior to the wedding to see what newborn twins mean. They will PAY you not to attend and probably pay a helping nanny for the day, too.

thenewbroom · 02/12/2015 11:10

I'd have said YANBU with one newborn, let alone twins!
FTS OP!

TillITookAnArrowToTheKnee · 02/12/2015 11:11

One of my close friends had a 4 month old at my wedding. I told her if she was too knackered/stressed to come or wanted to leave at any point then that was 100% fine with me and she musnt worry about it.

I would definitely not have behaved like this couple are.

MrsMulward · 02/12/2015 11:12

Without meaning to scare you OP, I think you and your partner are sersiously underestimating how full on the first 4-6 weels are with twins. We got to a wedding (overseas) when mine were 10 wo.It was family so we felt we had to be there. I had two babysitters upstairs in the hotel room minding them and I went up and down. I wonder is worth talking to your DP about praciticalities - when mine were born we were in hospital for a week and we got very little sleep until 6 weeks in. I found it hard to manage on my own at first so you really will need someone with you. If you bfeed it;s a little easier but you need one to hold crying baby while you tend to other crying baby. And you can't tandem feed in the middle of a wedding! Dont go!!! He'll see sense once they arrive. Its very hard to visualise it before you have them. Having new born twins is tough but also wonderful, but you need to just accept that normal rules don't apply to you for a while. Good luck!

Original poster
possum18 · 02/12/2015 11:12

Needs a good kick in the hole
^^ ShockGrinGrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 02/12/2015 11:13

Oo yes invite the happy couple before the wedding to your hpuse before the wedding and tell them you are really looking forward to the big day

Jw35 · 02/12/2015 11:16

Absolutely no way. I wouldn't want to go with one baby a few weeks after the birth! In fact that day sounds hellish with my 11 month old!

The only thing I'm confused about though is how you don't know them very well? Surely your oh is one of their best friends if he's best man?

You and your oh won't know what's hit you with twins. One baby turns your life upside down! Also you really won't feel like it! Your brain will be mashed for the next year, the only conversation you will be able to hold is what your favourite biscuits are Grin honestly you go a bit brain dead after a baby, the thought of all that socialising will do your head in! Xx

reni2 · 02/12/2015 11:16

ANd when they are at your house, tandem feed so they are aware you would be topless at the service and clear any poonamis in full view. They will have an epiphany.

Original poster
possum18 · 02/12/2015 11:16

Groom also wanted the stag do a week before the wedding, I said that's lovely and a shame DH will be missing it - they have compromised so he can plan and attend but I've said he isn't going any later than 35 weeks as twins can come earlier and I'm huge already so will need help - sorry not sorry Wink

OP posts:
mellicauli · 02/12/2015 11:17

A baby of a few weeks old feeds 8-12 times a day and maybe 6 nappy changes. Assuming 30 mins a feed and 10 mins a nappy change, that's 8 hours on feeding and nappy changes alone. That's a full working day. No one would expect you to do a full working day and attend a wedding - why would you be expected to look after 2 babies and attend?

If you have a c section (60% of twins births =C-section, so more likely than not), you won't be able to drive for 6 weeks either.

To be honest, I think he needs to get his priorities straight. His primary responsibility is for you and the babies. I don't think he should have accepted being best man. His duty to support his newborn babies & his partner who has just given birth should take priority.

Guess it's too late to back out - but he needs to make contingency plans in case he can't make it.

IrishTeacher · 02/12/2015 11:18

OP "A good kick in the hole" is an Irish term reserved only for the biggest of gobshites. Grin

TheOriginalMerylStrop · 02/12/2015 11:19

Wedding couple probably just trying to be nice, deluded souls.

You can't do it. They can either have an unencumbered best man, or one who will have a babe in arms at all times and quite probably milky spit down his morning suit. For everyone's happiness it is better you don't go. It's not open to discussion.

absolutely fuck that shit

nailsathome · 02/12/2015 11:19

I went to a wedding with my 3 wo this year of dps friends whom I had never met. It was doable but I didn't enjoy it at all. All I kept thinking about were my prickly stitches, cracked nipples and total exhaustion. If dp had been going in a different car there's no way I'd have driven myself let alone if he'd been on a different table.

cestlavielife · 02/12/2015 11:20

you would be mad to go at all.

who will be helping you while dh is at the wedding?

is it far away? is it close enough to go for few hours if he can only do that?

how close is dp to the groom?

a few months old maybe ...a few weeks no way!! and with twins you have no idea if they might be in special care, needing extra help, having problems feeding etc.

the wedding couple need to have contingency for best man too in case your dp needs to be with you and the babies.

MrsJayy · 02/12/2015 11:20

Scottish folk say a kick in the hole although ive not heard it for years its a dying out phrase that needs to be brought back

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