To not want to go to this wedding?

[possum18]

Dp will be best man, I have only met the couple once. Dp will presumably sit at the top table, and I will be placed on a random table - I don't know anyone else going to this wedding. Normally I would suck it up and sit and smile but I will have given birth to twins a few weeks before and I just don't know how the whole thing will pan out. Dp has a room at the hotel and says I can use it for changing, napping and feeding whenever I want, but it's a long day. Dp will want to drink which is fine, but I won't have any help. I have asked if it would be acceptable for me to miss the wedding ceremony and breakfast and just attend the reception but I got a firm no. WIBU to sack it off?

First off, no one 'has' to go anywhere and you certainly don't. It would be crazy.

However, I did notice you saying that they've invited you round lots before but 'I haven't been bothered to go, it's not that I dislike them but they aren't going to be my best friends iyswim'. That does to be honest sound a bit narky. I don't demand that everyone I go and visit is potential best friend material and if they were old friends of my partner's, I would show up at least every now and then. What I'm saying is that I can see where your partner's perception that you don't like them is coming from and perhaps that has coloured his and their view of the situation. They might be thinking 'She keeps fobbing us off but surely she can't do that for our wedding?' and have totally lost sight of the very real practical issues with the twins.

Don't get me wrong, they and your partner are still unreasonable for expecting you to go at all. But sounds like some of that comes from past interactions, or lack of them.

Another one for "fuck that shit" - they're INSANE. And extremely ignorant. Phone the mother of the bride and tell her that you're not coming and why. And the mother of the groom. And your MIL. And any other mother involved who will have some kind of fucking clue what condition you're likely to be in!!

But seriously, Just Say No - it's Not Happening, stop bullying me. I will not come.

Clueless. You won't miss the wedding anyway as by the sounds of it the first people in the world to wed will make sure pictures, video and reminiscences of the day dominate their social media for the next year.

Fuck it right off. Wait until you have the babies for your DH to apologize and realize where his priorities and responsibilities lie and that he completely understands your point. Which he will if he's the good parent you think he will be, he'll get it even though his penis isn't leaking and hurting, his breasts aren't aching and full, his nipples are not suffering from shock and he hasn't been sewn up from his nuts to his arsehole or had abdominal surgery. Lucky duck.
That is not meant to be a scary birth story - my c-section was a wonderful birth and when I tore during VB it was still a good birth but even if you're really, really, really happy about it - your body still hurts!
I almost had sympathy with their clueless but trying to be helpful offers until they said leave brand new twins with someone for a day so you can go to a poxy wedding - that got a 'Fuck off wedding twat' from me. You are so not being unreasonable!

Fuck that for a bag of chips. Three weeks in, you want to be watching Netflix, feeding and changing whilst sat on the sofa! Not doing some military operation for a bunch of twats who are being seriously inconsiderate.
It was my best friend's wedding when I was 6 months pregnant and I had a fifteen month old, I was the matron of honour, I was so stressed and exhausted, I ended up crying in the toilets for 15 minutes with a clingy, screaming toddler on my back.
I can't even contemplate doing it in your situation :O I'd rather have norovirus.

Absolutely no WAY should you go if you don't want to. I can't even imagine how anyone could even let any other thought on it go through their stupid head.

All the best with your little ones .

^^this too. Your body HURTS. You're expelling two new humans and it'll all feel achy and strange and sore. I was sweaty for weeks after mine, still bleeding, my hair was falling out, and nipples were randomly splurting milk out 24/7. I was happy to just walk to the kitchen and call that my goal for the day. That was with a singleton!

Yep another one for "fuck that shit". Let the couple know so the invite can be redirected and make sure you have someone at home helping you . Good luck with everything x

Why dont you email back asking if the babysitter is capable of breastfeeding?

If not have they planned for all the 50 million things you will need in order to attend the wedding 3 weeks after major abdominal surgery?

Congratulations Possum two cuddly, wee newborns (melts), please take it easy

Message to Mr Possum: Possum will have just GAVE BIRTH - to your children!! What part of that don't you comprende!? Chances are she might need a C-section - THAT'S SURGERY! Are you really going to force a woman who's had major surgery to a here-nor-there wedding?! I don't know what exactly your motivation is but you certainly are not prioritising your family, so if you think by dragging her along to this wedding will make you look good in other people's eyes think again. They'll be judging YOU as a cruel cretin and a crap dad/partner.

"Best" Man indeed

Don't get upset by them.
Time now to tell them to 'FUCK OFF'!
And shout it at them.

WTF is wrong people?
I had a c-section, loads of help and only 1 baby to deal with.
I don't think I got out of PJs for 3-4 weeks.
Can you imagine how much milk you would have to express if someone else was to look after them? Blimey, they are clueless.
Present - Yep, get them some GLUE!

I went to my best friends wedding with 5wo DD. I was knackered and uncomfortable. My DH was with me and helped as much as possible. We were the centre of attention as everyone wanted to coo over the tiny little bundle of marvellousness.

It was in a fancy conference centre that was geared towards business meetings so didn't have baby changing facilities. I (stupidly) changed DD on the toilet floor.

And when it got to the point I could stay no longer, my friend begged me to stay as her teen DD had arranged a special song, dance and cake for me as it was my 30th that day too. So i ended up staying until 9pm.

I was wrecked for days after that and I had had a VB and only 1 baby. You'd be mad to do this.

*FUCK THAT SHIT
*
They are crazy. Your dp is crazy.

I've got one 6 month old and I'm only recently starting to feel human again.

It's ridiculous, don't be bullied into anything. You will need time to recover and be with your babies.

I hope one day this couple have a really difficult baby so that they realise how awful they're being.

I've asked my mum to come and stay with me the night before, day of and night of the wedding at my house. We will be having a night in with movies and newborn cuddles, they can all go and suck eggs

Another FTS vote here.

The upshot is people who haven't had children have no idea about how difficult the first few weeks are trying to get into a pattern, dealing with feeding, sleeping etc and that's with one baby not twins!

My experience - and this may be a bit TMI - but I think you need (or rather your DH's needs) to understand.....

I (felt I) had to attend the wedding of some close friends 6 weeks after my son was born. I didn't take him with me (I just couldnt see that working), but left him in the care of my parents as I planned to attended the ceremony and the reception (and leave before the evening party).

The days before I had to express loads of milk obviously on top of regular feeding to the extent my nipples were permanently latched to a baby or a pump for 3 days - sore doesn't even cover it. God knows how you would express enough for 2....

On the day I was very emotional without DS (even though I trust my parents implicitly). I must have rung them every 20 mins...

Added to that as the day went on my breasts felt like they were going to explode. I started to leak really badly (probably partly do to the "over-production" I'd needed to do in the preceding days) to the extent I ended up having to manually express milk leaning over the loo....very glam eh!

By 5pm I was in acute pain with breasts that felt like stone. I got in a taxi and arrived at my parents in tears with how sore I was, a dress soaked (and ruined) with milk despite taking 20 plus breast pads with me and changing them frequently. I have never ever felt such relief as when I had my son back in my arms and fed him (both emotionally and physically).

All in all it was a total fucking disaster. I barely spoke to my friends as I spent most of the day in the loo changing pads/trying to express milk/ringing my parents/sobbing and wishing I'd simply not gone. My DH was there but obviously apart from moral support there wasn't much he could do.

With hindsight DH should have gone alone to "represent" us and I was just foolish/naive (first baby) to think I could manage it. Trying to do this with twins (either having them with you or having childcare) is just madness - especially for a couple you don't know that well.

Good for you op I'm glad you've got your mums support.

Btw any more pressure to attend this wedding and you'd be perfectly justified in telling them to go fuck themselves.

Don't let dickheads ruin your early weeks and months with your babies. Don't feel pressured to keep the house tidy and get dressed. I made all those mistakes. If I ever have another I'll be putting my foot down and banning visitors, ordering my shopping online and staying in pyjamas.

Your DH is being a selfish asshole and needs a verbal slap sharpish.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant and I'm already in discomfort and pain. The idea of a wedding for me right now would be a nightmare.

If you have just given birth to twins for goodness' sakes you'll really be in no fit state to a) move about freely and without any disconfirm b) interact with ANYONE, your full attention would be on the wee babies and c) enjoy the day in any way

To echo a PP's sentiment fuck that shit

massively.

Even for a sibling wedding this would be a stretch!

Yes, Yellow, I was leaking milk and blood at that stage and baby was leaking milky puke and milky poo. That was with one baby.

You are lovely if somewhat heroic to agree to let him go to an all day-all night jolly and he will really owe you one, OP.

OR you could respond (preferably somewhere public like facebook) saying:

"So thoughtful of you to suggest a babysitter to make it feasible for the twins and I to come to your wedding - what a good idea! I've invited my mum. She's really looking forward to joining us all at your special day"

Either they took like arses trying to wriggle out of it, or just suck it up and you get to bring your mum

Definitely FTS.

Deluded fools.

possum if your DP persists in being an arse about this just set your DM and your midwife on him .

I agree with Tendon, it does seem a bit odd that you've never bothered to see this couple after the first time despite lots of invitations and the fact that they are old friends of your husband. Isn't the answer to this to take them up on one of those invitations (or ask them round yourself) and take the opportunity of spelling out to them the reality of newborn twins and how it feels to be a recently delivered mother?

Joining the chorus: Fuck no! Newborn twins? There all day? Ha ha ha ha haaa haaa haaaa.

I don't disagree with the above though, more generally, that it seems odd that you haven't taken up any of their previous invitations.

But anyway, that's not the point here. The point is: NO. You do not need to go, nor feel bad for not going.

I agree with Tendon, and Dipank's idea is a good one.