Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU over photos of kids?

359 replies

slithytove · 21/04/2015 15:58

My sister takes a lot of photos of my kids, proper ones on film.

I asked her today if I could copy her negatives so I could have the photos too.

She said no, they were her property and special to her and she didn't just want to share them.

All true and fair I guess, but I feel a bit sad actually that there are pics I can't own (some have me in) or potentially even see. Some of these are photos I've asked her to take when my camera (digital) has been out of use.

My really petty side wants to prevent her taking photos of me and my children if she isn't willing to let me pay for a copy of the pics.

I feel a bit shit, who is bu?

OP posts:
curlyweasel · 21/04/2015 16:00

WTAF? Of course YANBU. I don't think you'd be petty to stop her taking photos either. Very weird behaviour.

quietasamouse · 21/04/2015 16:00

YANBU. She is being controlling.

ollieplimsoles · 21/04/2015 16:02

Does she just get them developed and not show anyone?? Confused

Homemadeapplepie · 21/04/2015 16:02

Seriously she won't let you have copies of photos of your own kids? Is there something else going on here? If not, then she is BU.

Gruntfuttock · 21/04/2015 16:02

She is BU - massively! It's not as though she loses any of the photos by letting you have copies and they're of you and your children! I just can't fathom why she is being so nasty and selfish. I think her behaviour is awful.

AuntyMag10 · 21/04/2015 16:03

This is your sister? How horrible she sounds.

Endler32 · 21/04/2015 16:05

I would tell her 'from now on you would rather she didn't take photos of you and your family unless she is willing to shear them', she sounds like a bit of a bitch tbh.

GloGirl · 21/04/2015 16:07

She is being massively UR. Don't know what you can do about it though.

I'd stop posing and smiling for more than one photo in a row and stop letting her take pictures if it intruded on any important moments though... "Will you put the camera down and sing your nephew happy birthday! "

and I'd probably accidentally stand in front of her and call DC away for urgent noseblowing etc etc...

ollieplimsoles · 21/04/2015 16:07

Honestly op I would be tempted to tell her she can't take anymore photos of your kids too, she sounds totally nutty...

CrystalCove · 21/04/2015 16:08

I'm surprised you even need to ask - YANBU! Your sister sounds as if she has control issues and I'm guessing this is not the first time they have manifested in your relationship. Does she have children of her own? How do you get on with her normally?

MonstrousRatbag · 21/04/2015 16:09

Well, tell her they are your children and special to you and you don't just want to share them. So no more photographs.

How completely unreasonable and horrid. I can't imagine doing this to anyone in my own family, it's bizarre.

legolegolego · 21/04/2015 16:09

I don't understand this at all! If they're of you and your children then of course you should have them. Unless she is maybe making an album for you and doesn't want to ruin the surprise?

Gruntfuttock · 21/04/2015 16:11

Endler32 "I would tell her 'from now on you would rather she didn't take photos of you and your family unless she is willing to shear them'"

Now that's an excellent typo! Grin

Endler32 · 21/04/2015 16:12

Oops Grin

Gruntfuttock · 21/04/2015 16:13

Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel sheepish. Wink

Aeroflotgirl · 21/04/2015 16:14

I would not allow herv I take anymore picture of your children unless she shares them. Very odd behaviour.

rebelfor · 21/04/2015 16:16

How utterly odd of her.

namechange2015 · 21/04/2015 16:17

What the??? How odd yanbu at all!!

Original poster
slithytove · 21/04/2015 16:17

I thought I was being so unreasonable! Thank you!

I have always HATED the idea that there are pics of me or my children out there that I don't have. And I've always been 'indulged' before. But I do the same. Any videos or pics I take, I make a disc or memory stick for the other people involved.

Even nursery do copies of all the pics they take for the parents!

I feel like I'm being the controlling one, but I think I will say next time, that If I'm not allowed to have copies, then I don't want her taking photos. They may be her pictures but they are my children. Guaranteed though this will piss my mum off and I'll be seen as being difficult.

Her logic was that "but I want to show them to the kids one day" so I said I wouldn't show them the pics, just keep them on my computer. So she said "but I want to have you over and show you" Hmm.

I've just found out she has pics of me with DS as a newborn, which I have very few of, so feel quite gutted about that.

Don't know how to raise it now, wish she would just go home. Every time she picks up a camera I tense up.

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 21/04/2015 16:20

Oh my god OP, pics of you with your newborn she won't share!? thats incredibly crappy and weird of her,

and your mum will think YOU are being controlling?!

Argh so many things wrong with this I can't even start! D:

Have you told her you really want the pics of yourself with your DS as you don't have many yourself?

Hobby2014 · 21/04/2015 16:26

YANBO OP, I'd feel exactly the same. I want to see photos with DS or myself in. It's not really her right(?) to hold these over you until she decides it's the right time to invite you over to show you. It's so bizarre and not ok. I'd try to not fall out though, otherwise you may never see them.
Can you sit her down and chat with her and tell her how upset/disappointed/gutted you are that you can't have copies of the photos?
Then if that doesn't work don't allow her to take any of you or your dc. Hopefully then she'll realise your serious.
Good luck. Hope you get to see them.

Original poster
slithytove · 21/04/2015 16:26

Yes.

She said they were special.

I fucking know they are special it's why i want them! But it's made me feel grabby and controlling.

Like my grandad is very old now, and has made a real effort to copy all his photos for me for when the inevitable happens. I think that's really kind, but it's not like I'm asking my sister to make that effort! Just let me pay to get them on a cd.

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 21/04/2015 16:33

Hun you are not grabby and controlling AT ALL, its your son. Why would she not want you to have the photos, they are of you!

Wouldn't she want to make you happy by giving them to you knowing you don't have many? I don't understand her at all.

PP has a point, if you are worried about being controlling maybe you could reach a compromise by talking to her and explain how upset it makes you, she might let you have at least some of them. Is she worried about what you are going to do with them or something, like share them on facebook or whatever? (even though they are your kids?)

pluCaChange · 21/04/2015 16:34

Very shit and controlling of her! Is she waiting for you to die, so she can graciously give your children back some memories of you?! Confused

Osmiornica · 21/04/2015 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.