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AIBU?

Who is BU over photos of kids?

359 replies

slithytove · 21/04/2015 15:58

My sister takes a lot of photos of my kids, proper ones on film.

I asked her today if I could copy her negatives so I could have the photos too.

She said no, they were her property and special to her and she didn't just want to share them.

All true and fair I guess, but I feel a bit sad actually that there are pics I can't own (some have me in) or potentially even see. Some of these are photos I've asked her to take when my camera (digital) has been out of use.

My really petty side wants to prevent her taking photos of me and my children if she isn't willing to let me pay for a copy of the pics.

I feel a bit shit, who is bu?

OP posts:

Report

ollieplimsoles · 21/04/2015 17:40

Aeroflotgirl- I think I agree with you..

When we got married we had some professional photos taken just with me and dh on the day, with no other family members. when we got the photos done we gave MIL some but left out the private ones. Shes was upset as she really wanted a few of those to put in an album. We were making an album for her but wanted it to be a surprise- so she wouldn't be upset we told her we were planning something and she was really delighted about it.

I think if she is planning something for you and dc's with the photos she is going about it in a strange way and needs to be less cagey, she should just explain she is making something for you.

So still keep the email ready to send, maybe put in there about what she is planning with the photos. and stick to your guns about the photos of family moments that you don't have a record of, you need those copies because its your family too. How would she feel if it was her kids and you were hogging photos of them?

Only1scoop · 21/04/2015 17:45

I think she's planning a lovely album or something for your family. I wouldn't be hasty to rain on her parade.

Otherwise it seems a bit odd

steff13 · 21/04/2015 17:50

To be honest, I can see why she wouldn't want to let someone have her negatives; if they're lost or damaged, then they're gone for good. But, I don't see why she wouldn't be willing to make prints for you herself. That is unreasonable and controlling, IMO.

Is it possible that the pictures aren't very good, or they didn't turn out or something, and she just doesn't want to say? Not wanting you to have a print is very odd.

MissyMistress402 · 21/04/2015 18:01

Definitely send the email. Your sister is out of order.

pluCaChange · 21/04/2015 18:12

Even if she's "planning a lovely project," she's still doing it in rather an obnoxious and self-important way. No need to say so immediately, though: be polite in asking for them first, or maybe asking WHEN you might get the pictures.

I know it's melodramatic to look at it this way, but there is always the possibility you could die before she gets round to it, and that would be an incredibly horrible way for everyone (except you) to see the pictures for the first time.

She should stop making the "reveal" be all about her and share your memories with you. Persist - politely to start with - but persist.

SaucyJack · 21/04/2015 18:21

Weird! I love my bruv to death, but not to the point where I consider pictures of him so special that no one- not even him- must be allowed to gaze upon them.

CookPassBabtrigde · 21/04/2015 18:28

Very weird. I take lots of pictures on film and usually get extras printed for people who will probably want them. She doesn't have to give you the whole film but at least the ones of you and your dc. If they're special to her surely she can see they'll be special to you too. I always ask for copies of other peoples pictures of my DS. I can't have enough pictures of him!

YouCanButImNot · 21/04/2015 19:51

YANBU. I understand where you're coming from, my MIL sat one day taking loads of pictures of DD and looked at the camera after every one and said 'ooh lovely' I was expecting some nice pictures to be emailed to me. About a week passed and I sent an email asking for them to be sent and she sent one back of THE BACK OF DD HEAD!!! Claimed she didn't have any others. Bizzare behaviour and I too feel like I don't want her to take any further pictures.

slithytove · 21/04/2015 20:03

No, replicate ones of the kids as in take the same pic at the same time if it's one I want. She never sees them without me, they are only 2 and 7mo.

If it's a surprise then I understand more but she went on and on and it's clearly how she feels. If that were the case I'd have just expected a fob off iyswim? Like "yeah course, it'll take me a while to get the negs together".

We aren't close but aren't distant either. Friendly, make an effort to see each other semi regularly.

OP posts:

ChasedByBees · 21/04/2015 20:05

Wow that's weird. I'd be really upset.

slithytove · 21/04/2015 20:10

My birthday is in 3 months so will wait until then and be pa about photo taking in the meantime before saying anything. Then I'll ask again depending if anything materialises

A pp said maybe they weren't very good.

My sister made a point today that she likes giving her 'special' photos as gifts. Well she gave one to DH, and it's such a crap photo. DS at a really pudgy angle, sitting on my grandads knee who has his head cut off, next to dd who has her head and arms cut off.

So maybe I'm not missing much!

I definitely don't want to have her negatives, just asked for copies of the individual ones as opposed to the whole roll of film, either in print or digital form.

Plu - my logic was similar in that if she died, I'd possibly never get my pics of me and the kids. It's why my grandad has taken the pragmatic approach he has.

youcan that would have driven me batty and I completely get it. I mean, I've just never come across this before, everyone who took pics at my wedding did online albums and shared them, when my parents or in laws take pics of my kids they always forward them on. Sis (not D Sis ) is being precious. And I don't see the distinction between film and digital in this case, I remember sharing prints quite easily back in the day!

OP posts:

honeyroar · 21/04/2015 20:10

I'd have another chat with your mum, ask her to try and find out why she won't share. If she can't find anything out I would send your email.

CaTsMaMmA · 21/04/2015 20:16

is she really using film? and negatives? Does she have piles of undeveloped film cannisters lying about? who uses film these days?

either way she is being weird about it.

Justusemyname · 21/04/2015 20:24

Maybe the camera never has film in it...

slithytove · 21/04/2015 20:51

There is film as I've seen her change it.
It's all very befuddling.

OP posts:

TheWintersmith · 21/04/2015 20:59

She's nuts

I always try to ensure there are electronic or physical copies of special photos in at least 2 actual locations. To the point of keeping a couple of CDs of baby pics in my desk at work.

What if the house burned down?

TheWintersmith · 21/04/2015 21:02

I think I'd start taking the piss about them being obviously too crap to show anyone

' hey sis, which is it this time, lens cap or thumb.'

Every time she gets the camera out. Might enrage her sufficiently.

DamnBamboo · 21/04/2015 21:04

Good grief! Tell her she doesn't own copyright and to hand them over.
If she doesn't tell her, if you ever her photograph you or your children again, you will go mad.

Your sister

FFS

Amummyatlast · 21/04/2015 21:27

er, damnbamboo if she took the photos she does own copyright. Still nutty though.

slithytove · 21/04/2015 21:45

Which I think is mad, I think I should own the right to my own image regardless of who took the photos.

But I suppose since apparently no one gets to see them, it's irrelevant.

OP posts:

DamnBamboo · 21/04/2015 21:48

I think you'll find amummy persistent (and aggressive, although not necessarily in this case) photography does NOT guarantee copyright!

BloggersNetwork · 21/04/2015 22:00

Two options:

the photos are terrible

she's organising something really special for you spanning a number of years

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CaTsMaMmA · 22/04/2015 08:51

I think you'll find DamnBamboo there are very very few circumstances in which a photographer does not have copyright of photographs they have taken.

none of which apply here

Unless of course the op is actually her sister's employer and the sister's job is to take photos of the children during the course of her daily work.

FishCanFly · 22/04/2015 10:09

Maybe you too have some other unresolved sisterly issues besides camera? Because this is not normal behaviour.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 22/04/2015 10:16

Sounds to me like she is jealous you have kids. "Well you have babies but ner ner you wont get these special items"

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