Who is BU over photos of kids?

[slithytove]

My sister takes a lot of photos of my kids, proper ones on film.

I asked her today if I could copy her negatives so I could have the photos too.

She said no, they were her property and special to her and she didn't just want to share them.

All true and fair I guess, but I feel a bit sad actually that there are pics I can't own (some have me in) or potentially even see. Some of these are photos I've asked her to take when my camera (digital) has been out of use.

My really petty side wants to prevent her taking photos of me and my children if she isn't willing to let me pay for a copy of the pics.

I feel a bit shit, who is bu?

[slithytove]

No unresolved issues that I'm aware of.

How far does copyright go in comparison to owning ones own image?

[slithytove]

She doesn't seem to want kids at all yet and has never shown any jealousy. She is just weird about photos!

[seaoflove]

I'm pretty sure the copyright is hers and hers alone. However, there shouldn't be the NEED to talk about bloody copyright when we're talking about family photographs!

She said no, they were her property and special to her and she didn't just want to share them.

That's bizarre. Is she jealous of your children? I can't think of any reason why someone would play such petty mind games over photographs.

By that logic, you should say your children are YOUR "property", and special to YOU, and you just don't want to share them with your sister and her camera

[keepsmiling2015]

Ever time she picks up the camera I'd be telling her not to dare take a photo of you or your children. It's v weird and creepy behaviour on her behalf and YANBU at all.

[CookPassBabtrigde]

I've never known a person to call photographs 'property' especially not family photographs. It would make me more curious as to what these pictures are like because she's so secretive about them. I personally wouldn't allow anyone to take pictures of my child if I was forbidden from ever seeing them.

[Sallyingforth]

Most definitely stop her from taking any more pictures of them, or you!

[Summerisle1]

I think you'll find amummy persistent (and aggressive, although not necessarily in this case) photography does NOT guarantee copyright!

The OP's sister has copyright. I see no evidence that the very few circumstances which would suggest differently apply here.

I can bore for Britain on picture copyright.

However, arguing about copyright doesn't sort the problem out. So what I'd suggest is that you continue to ask nicely for a copy of the pictures she takes on a disc. I can understand that she wouldn't want to hand the negatives over but there's no reason at all why she can't get these pictures commercially developed straight onto a CD. Especially as you are happy to pay for this.

Best to ask in as firm but non-confrontational way as possible since your sister currently holds the balance of power over these pictures. But there's no reason why you can't enjoy seeing them at her house and have the pleasure of your own copy. I'd downplay any suggestion that you can't bear the idea of there being photos of you in existence that you can't have copies of though. Instead just say that these pictures are very precious memories that you'd like to be able to enjoy whenever you can and that you are sure your sister wouldn't want to deny you the pleasure of this.

[slithytove]

Update for anyone who is reading

Sister asked today if I had any photos of the kids to send to her

I was in a mood and said "my photos are very precious to me and I don't like to share them" and of course it all kicked off.

Anyway I said I hate hypocrisy and why is it my photos can be shared and hers can't. She replied with

"I know exactly what I want out of my photographs, and it does include not having them out all the time. Images are consumed so much these days. I just wanted them to be special. I don't see why you have to take I as some personal threat that I want that in my life. Why do you have to take that away from me??? I'm your sister. They are family and important to me. What the fuck.

I spend a lot of tie and money on photography. It's really important to me. And so are the kids. So being able to have the two together is really special to me. You have no idea how much you are hurting me. You are asking for my photos. You are taking so much away from me."

I literally have no idea how to take this. She seems mad. It's not a perspective I've ever heard of.

It seems unfair to me that I can say "please take this photo" which she then holds hostage and has a go at me if I ask for it. But mine are fair game because it's not my hobby and I don't spend money on it.

Any advice? My mum will kick off at this too. I will be the bad guy as I always am.

[slithytove]

Holy shit just received this

"You hate me don't you
You actually hate me
You will never not hate me

All I have done is love them, treasure hyphen and incorperate them into a passion of mine which I want to share with them, you, mum, dad, everyone in my way. Because of love and happiness.

You don't want them to be my family do you. I'm a threat to you"

Bonkers?

[Oswin]

I would just reply " you are a fucking weirdo". I doubt you will get through to her why she's a weirdo, she will never see it.

[Oswin]

Woah xpost! Wtaf. Bloody hell she is bonkers. That is so weird.

[knowsaymuhfuh]

Ask for prints of the pics, rather than copies of the negatives.

Then she doesn't have to worry about how she'll explain the smutty or weird pictures or whatever.

[EllieQ]

Crazy! How can she 'share them in every way' if she won't give you copies?

[EllieQ]

*Sorry, I mis-read 'everyone in my way' as 'share in every way'

[BeautyQueenFromMars]

But she's not sharing them, is she?!

Can you point out to her that some of the photos are ones that you asked her to take on your behalf, so they're technically not special to her, but to you?

I wonder if she feels like you have what she wants, or you're better than she is at everything, and photography is her 'thing', so she doesn't want to share the glory? For example, my sister bakes, that's her thing, so none of us are really allowed to make cakes etc, as she gets really upset. Could it be something like that?

[diddl]

"I have always HATED the idea that there are pics of me or my children out there that I don't have."

I find that a bit odd tbh.

YANBU to want copies of pics of you & the kids that you like.

But I think to want a copy of every pic is unusual.

[Collaborate]

Just tell her that when she's worked through her issues and come to terms with how she can behave reasonably and with kindness (and not scare the crap out of you with her intensity over this) you'll be willing to engage with her.

I'd steer well clear.

[slithytove]

I didn't want the negatives, just scans or digital on cd of whatever. And not tomorrow either. Just in general!

Diddl I probably am weird

[Mulligrubs]

I would ignore her messages to be honest and not speak to her. She sounds mad.

[slithytove]

I would be happy to see them and ask for a selection, but because I'm not allowed to see them it's easier to ask for a copy of disc when she gets them developed. Then delete as needed.

In fairness, whenever parents or in laws or friends have taken pics, they usually do a photobucket or facebook album without me asking, they are just nice things to share.

Why did my sister want my photos? Why aren't mine special?

[diddl]

"Diddl I probably am weird"

Not necessarily, I just think that wanting a copy of all pics taken is unusual.

I don't want every pic of me & or the kids though as most some are shit!

There is a particularly good one that I took of the kids that I have up in a frame as do my Dad & sis as I sent them both a copy.

Also a good one of my kids with their cousin that my sister took so she sent me & dad a copy.

Sort of "special" ones iyswim.

[slithytove]

She seems to have a weird obsession with the children. Why would I find her a threat? I see her once every 2 months if that.
She is now on the attack because I never take them to hers.

It's a building site (hyperbole but nearly) and they are 2 and 9 months. Not a chance am I taking them there. Plus I can't afford petrol.

Clearly it's attack slithytove day

[ollieplimsoles]

Shit op! This situation sounds worse than ever!

I STILL think she is being batshit crazy because you mentioned that you don't have a lot of pics as one of your children as a newborn- and when you asked her if you could have some she said no. Thats mean and out of order.

[diddl]

"I would be happy to see them and ask for a selection"

I think that's what a lot of people do, isn't it?

That said, if I happen to see pics & want a copy I would ask.

I don't make a point of asking to see photos every time I see someone just in case there are some I might like.

That would be odd imo.

[justmyview]

OP - if you are wanting copies of EVERY photo of you, I think that's rather odd / controlling, but your sister's refusal to provide copies of any pictures is also rather odd