Who is BU over photos of kids?

[slithytove]

My sister takes a lot of photos of my kids, proper ones on film.

I asked her today if I could copy her negatives so I could have the photos too.

She said no, they were her property and special to her and she didn't just want to share them.

All true and fair I guess, but I feel a bit sad actually that there are pics I can't own (some have me in) or potentially even see. Some of these are photos I've asked her to take when my camera (digital) has been out of use.

My really petty side wants to prevent her taking photos of me and my children if she isn't willing to let me pay for a copy of the pics.

I feel a bit shit, who is bu?

[slithytove]

X post!

[CaTsMaMmA]

oh she is off her raving nana!!

tbh as soon as you said she was using film I thought she'd turn out to be cuckoo....they all think they are so clever and arty for using film, it's outdated not arty!

....see how retro and arty they'd like to be with a 12 inch cathode ray tube tv in a cabinet

Just say you have no idea why she is being unreasonable and ridiculous and when she comes to her senses you and the children are going to be pleased to see her.


I totally get the hard work and planning/knowledge and skill it takes to get a great photo in some cases and in no way should anyone be able to whip someone's hard work for their own gain, but this does not apply to family snaps ...she is totally being unreasonable.

[knowsaymuhfuh]

"My force of will, I.e. Find a different subject, has come from her not seeing my perspective at all."

I hope you understand I was not saying you are wrong. I would probably feel the same. I would certainly put a stop (unless it was big family gatherings where it isn't about you) to her taking photos of you and DCs which you are never ever allowed to see.

The thing is, this looks mainly like an issue where two radically different points of view are clashing, without ill will, so diplomacy might be the right solution.

I doubt your 26 year old sister has the tiniest shadow of understanding about how you feel about your kids and pictures of them, and if you don't mind my saying so, you don't seem like you understand how she feels about the fruits of her creative labours as a private person, either - whether it is bollocks or not it seems sincerely held. Weird as you might seem to each other, it just seems like an honest discussion of how different your points of view are, would put any silly ideas of "hate" out of anyone's mind.

[knowsaymuhfuh]

(and perhaps even get you some nice photos to boot, who knows? :) )

[DragonWithAGirlTattoo]

oh for goodness sake, just stick to your guns - if its ok for her to be precious about her photos, then its ok for you to be precious back

she is WELL out of order - and to be honest, i'd like to think i would reply with "well fuck off out of my life then if you think i hate you, you self obessed weirdo - and btw, you do not have my permission to display photographs of my children ANYWHERE!"

(but in reality i would ignore her for a few years and just fume)

[slithytove]

they aren't even good photos

Thing is I accept her creativity in all aspects bar my family. That I think is unreasonable. Other than that, she can keep her photos for whatever makes her happy.

Plus there doesn't seem to be a compromise. She wants me to accept what she is willing to offer whenever that might be. I'd rather not have any.

Going out for a bit so no internet but will be back later.

[Pony74]

Tell her to give you the fucking photos or you'll make her pay in ways she can't even imagine.

[jossiesGiants1]

OP stop saying you are weird... You are perfectly entitled to ask to see all the photos and just bin the shit ones, you've never said you want to keep them all, just be able to look at them, don't understand how anyone could question what you want to do. 99.9% of families just share all photos, you unfortunately have the very odd and weird 0.1%.

[JacquesHammer]

Your sister is bonkers

Surely when you asked the easiest thing for her to do would be to say "sure I'll sort out some nice ones and put them on a disc"

Then she doesn't have to send them all, you get pictures and everyone is happy.

Instead of Ansel Adams getting all precious

[Momagain1]

Just how long has this been happening already, and how long are you supposed to wait for this special project? If you go that route, I wouldn't wait past Christmas.

Her excuses are lame anyway, pictures existing in your home and hers doesnt make them any more or less interesting to children.

The best way to keep something secret is to hide in plain sight, if she had given you a few, you likely would not have been fussed at not having all, you would have assumed these were the best and the others werent worth the printing.

[Scholes34]

If your sister was Annie Leibovitz, her behaviour might be understandable, but I'm sure even she would give away for free prints of her nieces and nephews to her own sister.

Perhaps it's time to start charging a modelling fee?

[tumsup]

I think it's just mean to deny someone photos of their own dc's early childhood when you know they haven't got many themselves.

[deliciousdevilwoman]

"Look love, I haven't time for this. I'm a busy mother with a home to run/job to hold down. I asked you to take photos because I wanted a copy - why would I have asked you to take photos of my children if I thought you were going to be so childishly possessive?
In future please keep your camera in your bag when with my children and I, so this doesn't arise again"

THIS!

How fucking dare she! In my friendship/familial circle nearly all pics taken of me/my daughter are shown/emailed/copied to a disc and given without prompting/cajoling as I do in return as y'know most people do want copies of funny/poignant/memorable occasion pics of themselves and especially their children.

If her attitude doesn't shift and quick smart, then you would not be unreasonable to uphold a ban on further pics of you and yours. And tell your mother to can it if she sticks her oar in too!

[Tinklewinkle]

Tinkle, the bluebell photos sound lovely and I totally understand you there. I get what you're saying about your kids too but surely you wouldn't be like that about photos of someone else and their children.

No I'm not, I said in my first post that my weirdness doesn't extend to other people's kids. I share any pics I take like that. I usually end up being the default photographer at family events or days out, I delete the guff and stick the decent pics on a CD/email/Facebook album.

I don't think you're unreasonable, it's just a different perspective and I understand where she's coming from regarding her photography. She needs to find different subjects, then she can be as precious as she likes.

As for film being arty and clever - not at all, it's just a different way to take photographs. There are pros and cons for film and digital. She just prefers film. I have an old SLR film camera that my Dad gave me and I fish it out now and then. I like it.

[WhitePhantom]

She is so weird!! Any family events that we have, anyone who takes pics shares them (well - the good ones!) with the rest of the family.

I'm picturing your sister standing over the pics like Gollum, rubbing her hands in glee and hissing 'My precioussssss'

[TwerkingSpinster]

I'd be tempted to tell her she can stuff the big reveal. If she won't share them when you want to enjoy them, why should YOU sit about like a prize plum waiting for HER to get the most enjoyment out of them (her pathetic 'reveal,')?
Now or never, don't let keep you dangling as her 'grateful audience' at her beck and call. And buy a fancy camera for yourself to take lots of photos of your kids and not her at future functions.

[diddl]

If someone asked me to take particular photos then I would just send them on when I have them & make copies for myself if I want.

If I have taken photos of someone for me then I might send them a copy if I think that they would like it or def would if they had asked at the time of taking.

I wouldn't expect to have to show them the photos I have taken in that case though so that they could decide what they want.

[JassyRadlett]

I'd stick with a very calm 'Unfortunately, I'm just not comfortable having pictures taken of me and my children that I'm not allowed to see. It's not personal.'

She's fucking bonkers.

[slithytove]

Modelling fee is a good idea, the kids cost me a fortune. About time they earned some of it back!

white that made me laugh, she does seem to be far too over protective. Maybe she thinks if I get my grubby hands on them I'll pop her to the post and do my own mass unveiling. I even promised Id never show the kids, just have them on my comp and hard drive in case of emergency. But that was me breaking her heart and stealing something very precious from her. Not hyperbole, her words.

See tinkle I wish I had someone like you in my family. A good photographer who becomes the default and shares those lovely physical memories.

I do think all the "you hate me stuff" is mad. It's so dramatic and I'm not like that. It was unexpected to say the least.

Maybe I will ask for a digital slr for my birthday and beat her at her own game twerking! And take loads of her and share them with EVERYONE. Since images are so sacred and over shared. no that would be petty but still tempting

[slithytove]

jassy your response is probably best, sadly that ship has sailed! I didn't respond very maturely I'm afraid.

might have told her to sod off and leave me alone

I also likened her selfishness to having a bag of wine gums which I bought her, and only giving me a red one when I wanted one of each colour. Can you tell I'm on a diet and not great with simile?

[DinosaursRoar]

It sounds like she views her pictures as "art" and yours as "family snaps" - hers are art and so are emotional and not for general family consumption, but it's ok to ask for yours as yours are just snaps.

I would ask her in the future, if you are goign to take photos of my children, I'll only give you permission if it's on the understanding they are "family snaps" not "artform photos" - family snaps are for sharing amongst the family, art photos are just for her use.

[Noodledoodledoo]

Next time you want a picture taken pass her your camera as well to prevent this preciousness in the future!

She is bonkers. My grandad was a professional press photographer all his life and happily shared his photos. Took loads of friends and family as well.

[slithytove]

I suggested that when she took a photo I would want, that she duplicated it with my camera or iPad.

Apparently this detracts from the specialness of her photos and is therefore not a compromise.

[BringMeTea]

Your sis is spoilt and clearly used to her peccadilloes being indulged. Stand firm.

[ElkTheory]

Your sister's dramatic "you hate me" reactions are OTT and ridiculous. What a bizarre response to a minor issue.

OTOH, I don't fully understand why you would want to see every picture of your children. When I take pictures at family events or get-togethers among friends, I might choose one or two that turned out well and send them on to the people who are featured. Or I might not. But it honestly has never occurred to me to make every photo available to everyone who appears in them.