Who is BU over photos of kids?

[slithytove]

My sister takes a lot of photos of my kids, proper ones on film.

I asked her today if I could copy her negatives so I could have the photos too.

She said no, they were her property and special to her and she didn't just want to share them.

All true and fair I guess, but I feel a bit sad actually that there are pics I can't own (some have me in) or potentially even see. Some of these are photos I've asked her to take when my camera (digital) has been out of use.

My really petty side wants to prevent her taking photos of me and my children if she isn't willing to let me pay for a copy of the pics.

I feel a bit shit, who is bu?

[browneyedgirl86]

Yanbu or controlling. Your sister is. I'm meant understand why she won't give you the pictures of your children?

It doesn't matter if anyone thinks you are being controlling. You aren't! Don't allow her to take any more pictures.

[slithytove]

I will try and explain, might send an email when she has gone home - we don't converse well as are similarly hot headed.

Just completely gobsmacked at her perspective really.

I'm extra annoyed as several times today I asked her to take a picture I wanted to have, which I couldn't take myself (no battery). Don't feel like I can ask for them now.

[browneyedgirl86]

Meant understand?

I mean Don't understand! Sorry for typos.

[Italiangreyhound]

YANBU and your sister is. In your shoes I would say no more photos. It's just not kind of her.

[Aeroflotgirl]

That is awful behaviour, really shitty. I would refuse her to take anymore pictures of you and your family from now on.

[Turquoiseblue]

Horrible attitude of her. I m guessing she doesn't have kids herself ?
I wouldn't let her have take any more pics, and I would let her know by email how upsetting and how these things as a parent are so precious and how you would appreciate her sharing them with you.
If your mum thinks it s unreasonable then tough.

[ollieplimsoles]

Why does your mum think this is ok? If my sister was doing this to me my mum might give her a talking to!

[Redglitter]

YANBU she sounds a charmer

If I was you I'd point blank refuse to allow her to take even one more photo of you or your children.

I've never heard of anyone behaving like this before

[DragonWithAGirlTattoo]

what a cow - you having a copy doesnt stop her having one?!"!?

[slithytove]

No she has no kids. I did say I thought when she had kids she would feel differently.

My mum isn't involved and doesn't really know, the conversation was in the background of her playing with the kids, but historically I don't come off well in these situations.

I am going to send an email tonight. Wish she hadn't put me in this position.
Anyone got a draft in mind?

[SylvaniansAtEase]

Jesus. Tell her to do one.

'Let's get this 100% clear - these are my children, my family. If you are going to try and get controlling over ANYTHING to do with them, you can forget it. You take photos of my family with my blessing or you don't take them at all.'

And then tell her that you'll discuss your next meeting up after she's emailed you copies of the photos she has of you and DS as a newborn.

[ollieplimsoles]

I'm sure some one will come with something better but how about this something along the lines of,

"I really would like to have mementos of our time together with kids so I can enjoy remembering them, the kids would love to see them as well. My camera had no battery I would especially love copies of the pics I asked you to take. If you feel uncomfortable with me showing the kids I can just keep them on my computer, but I would really like some digital copies so our memories are backed up and can be enjoyed by both of us"

Doesnt sound too pushy or controlling does it?

How old is your sister may I ask?

[TheListingAttic]

I think this is a "show her this thread" moment, if ever there was one.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yes I would be really explicit to her, and really set the record straight. I would also have a talk to your mum if I were you, highlighting the situation. Ban her from taking any further pictures of you and your family, until she shares them, what is she hiding? It sounds really odd.

[ollieplimsoles]

cross posted with Sylvanians,

you definitely need to get those photos with you and your newborn son, go a bit firmer with her on that, because not sharing those is really out of order.

[slithytove]

She is 26!

I'm 28.

Like some of the emails. I will send something like:

"Was quite upset today after talking about the photos. I understand photos are special to you, but I feel really strongly about there being pictures of me and/or my kids out there that I'm not allowed copies of or even to see.

I'd really like copies of the pics of me you've taken to date, and obviously I'll pay. Going forward, I'd prefer not to be in any pictures if Im not allowed them, and I'll just make sure I replicate ones of the children.

Hope you can see where I'm coming from on this."


I would so show her the thread if it wasn't for that I've used my normal user name.

[slithytove]

Mum says it is weird (yay!) and maybe sister is making something nice as a present, and to keep my powder dry, wait and see, and say something then.

[GloGirl]

Ohh, I kind of understand where she is coming from. This is her "special project" and she wants there to be a big reveal. I thought on first reading that she was happy to show photos etc but didn't want you to have a hard copy which is very

In which case I can kind of understand where she is coming from.

I would email her and say roughly

"I've been dwelling on the fact there are pictures of me and my children from important events and it upsets me that I don't have pictures of these times. In particular when X was a newborn, and when I didn't have my camera at X event.

I understand these pictures are special to you and you want to reveal them to X and Y at a later date, but in the meantime I am a little upset that you have access to things that are important to me and I don't.

Can't we please compromise? Can you please just let me have a few copies from a few events?"

[ollieplimsoles]

26! for some reason I had an image in my head that she was a teenager, like 14- 16 or something! Shes my age!

probably because she is acting so childishly

I think your email sounds just right, you know how to deal with her the best really so I would send that and see what she says.

I think its best to say that if she still doesnt want to share pics then she won't be taking anymore of your kids, its just not fair at all.

[VexiLexi303]

What in the world! She won't share photos of your children with you?

Yes I understand they are her's but ...you're her sister! You were asking for a copy of them not a limb! Do you have a good/close relationship with her normally?

[Aeroflotgirl]

I think your mum was let into a secret with your sister, Mabey she is working on a lovely project for you. But your e mail is spot on.

[Justusemyname]

YANBU

Your sister is cruel

What do you mean you will replicate ones of the children ? I hope not to give her copies...

[PeachyPants]

Utterly bizarre unless she is planning some lovely surprise album as a gift for you and doesn't want to spoil it. This behaviour is so weird and unreasonable that I can't believe this is all there is too it, is she strange or mean in other ways?

[Redglitter]

Glo it doesn't sound like a special project. She wants to reveal them 'one day' Even that being the case there must be plenty she can share.

I did a 500 page photo book for my mum and my Brother and sil. THAT was a project and they got to see the end result within a few months.

[Yarp]

If she doesn't respond to a reasonable approach, I would stop her taking photos of them. Since I would think she was being petty, I'd be petty back