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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers Day

367 replies

ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 09/03/2015 16:07

Its my first Mothers Day with my dd (after serious fertility issues, she was a long time coming) and I would like our lunch out to be just me my husband and our dd (we would visit pil and my mum later that day) My mil wants us all to go out together which would include
my pil and my mum. My husband thinks we should but I dont want to. AIBU?

OP posts:
123rd · 09/03/2015 16:12

No, if you are including the in laws later on then absolutely no reason of have lunch with then as well.
( get used to mil wanting to be included in YOUR family eventsHmm)

BolshierAyraStark · 09/03/2015 16:15

Does your DH think you should or would he actually like to go out for a meal with his mum-it's her mothers day as well remember.

Original poster
ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 09/03/2015 16:22

I get that Bolshier but we will be visiting her that afternoon. Shes had 40+ of mothers day meals with her family, I just want my first one with my own little family after so long waiting for it to happen.

OP posts:
finnbarrcar · 09/03/2015 16:23

YANBU, that's all I have to say.

MayLuke83 · 09/03/2015 16:24

I don't think YABU. It's my first MD with ds and partner and I have arranged a family day without our parents. I've arranged to see my own mother the day before and we will visit partner's mother before or after our trip. Do what you want to do!

TeenAndTween · 09/03/2015 16:32

YANBU - things change when you have your own family.

(Don't forget to announce clearly now that Christmas day will be in your house (with or without GPs dependent on what you want)).

HairyHandedFucker · 09/03/2015 16:36

YANBU.
Congratulations on your own little family. Enjoy. Flowers

PotatoLetters · 09/03/2015 16:43

The way I look at it, mothers day is about saying thank you for hard work that year. In the last year you have given birth and looked after a newborn. I'm not sure your mil can trump that!

Clockingoff · 09/03/2015 16:45

Sorry, but I think you're taking it a bit seriously. It's just a Hallmark date in the calendar and if your MIL wants to have a family meal that day, just celebrate or mark being a mother quietly with your husband and baby another day.

Jackie0 · 09/03/2015 16:47

You are not being unreasonable at all. I would just explain as you have here that this is a very special mother's day and that after the struggles you both faced on the road to finally getting your dd that the three of you are celebrating in your own way?
How could anyone object ?

Gruntfuttock · 09/03/2015 16:48

Clockingoff why should what the MIL wants trump what OP wants? Confused

FaFoutis · 09/03/2015 16:49

YANBU. Do it your way.

Jackie0 · 09/03/2015 16:51

It may just be a hallmark date but I bet every mothers day before this was a day of wondering if she would ever get to be a mum.
I've had 4 ivf myself and I understand how significant these things are.

lolbeansansalad · 09/03/2015 16:51

YANBU as you are still planning to visit at some point in the day.

Original poster
ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 09/03/2015 16:53

Thank you all :) funnily enough we already had the christmas conversation this last christmas. I said we would be having it at ours and pil were welcome to lunch etc but she kept trying to pursuade my dh that we should go to hers. I understand after all this time shes used to being host etc but things are different now our dd is here. Im also trying to arrange a do of some sort for my dh birthday- again she wants it at her house. Ive always got on well with her but can see more and more issues arising in future which is a shame,

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 09/03/2015 16:53

I'm with your DH on this.

It's Mother's Day for his Mum too, so it's understandable that he wants to include her in the meal.

We've only just had Valentine's Day for couples, but this is about his Mum and your Mum.

I know you're a mother now too, but your baby is too young to understand IYSWIM?

You'll have plenty of mother's days in the future for your DD to spoil you.

Charlotte3333 · 09/03/2015 16:54

Nope, I think as your first Mothers Day you get to call the shots. We usually go out with both Mothers, but this year it's just me, DH and the DS' and I'm really looking forwards to being the one who gets spoiled. Have a fabulous day with YOUR little family. MIL might have her nose put out of joint but frankly, you don't exist to pander to her.

Original poster
ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 09/03/2015 16:57

Ckockinoff-why must I celebrate mothers day on another day? just so mil gets her wish but I dont, it may be just a hallmark day to you but to me it is way more than that. Jackieo has it spot on.

OP posts:
OwlBeGoing · 09/03/2015 17:00

I'm with the OP, it's her first Mothers Day so I think she gets to call the shots. Is your DD the first GC on your DH's side? I can see that the first Mothers Day with your first GC would be special too though.

WorraLiberty · 09/03/2015 17:00

But having a baby surely doesn't give you the right to dictate to your DH that he can't join his Mum on Mother's Day for lunch? Confused

You'd probably be better off with more people there anyway, in case the baby starts crying etc. At least you have more chance of eating in peace with extra hands.

Comito · 09/03/2015 17:00

I sympathise. DH often wants us to have joint mother's day lunches and got a bit narky when I said no this year. DM and MIL are chalk and cheese, though always perfectly civil to each other, and it's just such hard work.

Original poster
ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 09/03/2015 17:00

Worra - he isnt too fussed about having her
at the meal, its her that wants it, he felt like we should (as in a sense of duty) rather than him wanting it iyswim,

OP posts:
slithytove · 09/03/2015 17:02

First mothers day
Struggled to become a mother
Went through pregnancy and delivery in the last 12 months
Going to visit pil later

And the one meal you want has to be shared? Doesn't seem fair to me.

Could you compromise on lunch with DH and DD, and dinner with the parents, or vice versa?

Glad my mum and mil live far away at times like this - though neither of them would put themselves first in this instance, in fact on my first official Mother's Day last year, my mum sent me a card too.

Mariposa10 · 09/03/2015 17:02

Such a shame when families can't just get on. Why can't you all go out as a family and enjoy the day with grandparents, parents and grandchildren together?

You're just setting yourself up for years of conflict and misery if you insist on excluding your husband's mother and your child's grandmother in this way. She's part of your family whether you like it or not and when your child is old enough to make up her own mind she's going to have a relationship with her grandmother which you won't be able to control. It's probably better to try to get used to that idea now, no?

WorraLiberty · 09/03/2015 17:03

Well ok but I still think YABU

I still have lunch with my Dad on Father's Day, despite having 3 kids with my DH because it's a family occasion.