Mothers Day

[ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed]

Its my first Mothers Day with my dd (after serious fertility issues, she was a long time coming) and I would like our lunch out to be just me my husband and our dd (we would visit pil and my mum later that day) My mil wants us all to go out together which would include
my pil and my mum. My husband thinks we should but I dont want to. AIBU?

OP isn't doing that though so if that's what you want to rant about maybe start your own thread instead of trying to derail hers?

^^ that was to pictish btw

Slithylove you raise a good point. Men never make a fuss about father's day or compete over it! A few years ago dh had to be away on father's day and he was the one to suggest inviting my dad for the weekend 'because he would enjoy seeing the kids'. I have to confess hell would freeze over before I'd do the same for my mil . Perhaps women are more territorial.

Op, I get it. Dd1 died. So that first Mother's Day I had no child, it was heartbreaking and a reminder of all I'd lost. Both DH and I retreated into our shells and clung to each other. Mother's Day after that, DS was here. So still bittersweet but we were finally celebrating me having a living child to be a mother to, instead of the empty arms of the previous year. Selfish, maybe, but no one else mattered that day.

Fairie I might, seeing as it clearly aggravates the bejesus out of me.

Slithy im sorry to hear of your loss of your dd x
Im grateful every single day for dd, believe it or not I cherish the 4am wake up as I know what a journey shes been on to be here.

Yes, slithy so sorry to hear that and also so sorry for the unfortunate x post

Actually I did start a thread about it...this time last year.

We have an added dimension to Fathers' Day this year, as it's also just after my birthday and on my mum's birthday this year... I think we'll have to do our family joint thing on the day before though - DH's family are much more concerned about doing things "on the actual day", whereas my side are more "organise it for when it suits people". I'm not sure what we would do if both families were as strict about doing things on the day!

And on the same date too! I need to get out more.

Have a happy Mother's Day everyone... Even mils and Pictish

Ta

Well done for sticking to your guns, YANBU. These first few years are when you get to set the boundaries with your wider families, make too many concessions now and you'll be making them for life.

It's nice if you can see your DM and MIL later in the day or on another day with flowers/card though. They are still mothers after all.

Another one here who feels that on Mother's Day a husband's priority should be his own mother

Pictish thats funny!

I'm nc with mil atm (not her fault, fils and DH) yet have still bought her card and I hope DH will send. And I bought and wrote my mums card back in January and tucked it into her suitcase, as she lives in Indonesia and post isn't reliable.

Loving daughter/dil duty done, now bring on that lie in and nappy free day!

Pictish please start that thread, I think it would spark interest and I'm a bit bored.

My Dh and I have spoken and we are going ahead with our plans to have lunch the 3 of us, a walk in my fav childhood place, followed by visits to pil and my mother.

Good for you. And make sure you take no shit or snide comment from your MiL EITHER. Have a quick snappy response ready, raised eyebrow and something about your own mother understanding....

Silthy - so sorry to hear of your loss, how painful. Its not for others to tell us how to feel on a particular day. My first Mothers day was poignant to me also having lost my poor DM before she ever knew she could be a gm, so mixed blessings for me but also painful.

I'm not sure that it's fair to say that a husband's priority should be one or the other - I think it depends on circumstances. If he rarely sees his mum, that's different from the case where he's there every other day. If one or other had been ill, then they might need more attention. At the end of the day, all adults who are involved should make the day involve as little pressure and competition as possible.

Pictish if you do i'll sit it out, this ones given me a headache. Note to self- dont start a thread about mil.

When exactly did Mothers' Day turn from giving your mum a card and a bunch of flowers into such a big deal and cause so much angst?

johnCusackswife, read the thread. For those of us who doubted that we would ever have a child, it's a huge deal (especially the first one). While for some it might just be the day you get a card, for others it's an affirmation that we finally got what we longed for.

So sorry to hear of your loss, slithy.

Pictish - the DW is not just 'a' mother though to the DH, she is the mother of his child(ren). So yes, he should do something for his own mum but while the children are little he also needs to facilitate mother's day being special for his wife

There is always so much talk of setting up boundaries and rules 'for your own little family' on Mumsnet. Boundaries and rules that often seem to exclude wider members of a family. Sometimes I think that some of these posters might wish they had done things somewhat differently when their own children grow up and abide by these learnt rules. This is a general observation and not a reference to this particular situation.