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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think this woman was rude to invite my husband round for coffee, even though i was stood next to him.

287 replies

hatethecold · 04/09/2014 09:38

I wondered what you would make of this situation.
Yesterday I had an appointment at the hospital and because I knew it wouldn't take long, and it was nice and sunny, I suggested that my husband wait outside.
When I came out, I noticed he was chatting to a woman who I recognised as being a friend of his from years ago.
I went and stood next to them and said hello. They chatted for a few minutes more, husband said 'we have to go now' to which she replied
'It was nice bumping into you, YOU will have to call in for a coffee one day'
This was said to him only and didn't seem to include me

As we were walking away I said jokingly that 'I noticed I wasn't included in the invite!'
He said she probably didn't mean anything by it.

I agree with him, but am quietly seething that a woman would be SO rude and insensitive to a person, as to invited her partner round without inviting her, as well.
(I think it was the fact I was stood right next to him when she did it that really riled)

If the tables were turned, as soon as the wife turned up, I would have included her in the conversation AND in the invite for coffee?

Am I being unreasonable to be as annoyed by this as I am?
Have any of you had anything similar happen to you?

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 04/09/2014 09:40

Well....do you know her? Was she your friend too? I think YABU.

Ticktockblock · 04/09/2014 09:41

How dare your husband have a friend that's a woman!!!

YABU.

Inbl00m · 04/09/2014 09:43

Yeah I wouldn't worry about it, sounds like you're reading too much into it and stressing yourself out!

bearleftmonkeyright · 04/09/2014 09:44

From what you have written, I think yabu. I don't think she meant anything by it. Sometimes its just a polite way to end the conversation. Don't obsess.

jammyjamjam · 04/09/2014 09:44

YANBU Some people are just rude

kinkymouse · 04/09/2014 09:44

Yabu and very insecure. An old friend asked your husband for coffee. That is all.

PickledSprout · 04/09/2014 09:44

Would you feel the same if the friend had been male?

I think not.

Yabu

gentlehoney · 04/09/2014 09:45

I think your husband is right and that she didn't mean anything by it. She might have meant both of you, but it would be him ringing, not you, because you don't know her.

MorrisZapp · 04/09/2014 09:45

Think you're over reacting, sorry.

Original poster
hatethecold · 04/09/2014 09:45

I've no problem with him having friends, but I would have thought it basic good manners (especially if you know he's a married man) to include his wife? Especially when she's stood right next to him! (Maybe I'm old fashioned to think she was rude)

OP posts:
murphys · 04/09/2014 09:45

What! Really? OP, it was just a polite thing to say. Yabu and reading way too much into this..

Fudgeface123 · 04/09/2014 09:45

How nice of you to suggest he waits outside for you!

How do you know her invite didn't include you? You're just presuming and so what if he goes on his own anyway...is he not allowed to have female friends?

TheHoneyBadger · 04/09/2014 09:49

so if a friend of mine gets married i'm supposed to never ever see them on their own ever again or invite them round for a coffee without their apendage? how bizarre.

MagicMojito · 04/09/2014 09:49

I'm a nightmare quite a suspiciouus and jelous wife. This wouldn't have bothered me one bit.
Sorry I think yabu.

TheHoneyBadger · 04/09/2014 09:50

surely marriage and conjoined twins are different?

Original poster
hatethecold · 04/09/2014 09:50

Rudgeface , he HATES hospitals, and that was why I suggested he wait outside.

OP posts:
bearleftmonkeyright · 04/09/2014 09:51

You know OP, sometimes things can escalate but in this instance I doubt they will ever get in contact. And even if they do.....well why have they not stayed in contact. They probably don't have much in common. Boot on the other foot, would you like it if your husband had had your reaction? This is not a battle worth having. You have not given any evidence that this is anything other than a light hearted, "lets have coffee, bye" kind of end of conversation thing....

Heels99 · 04/09/2014 09:51

Yabu

HavanaSlife · 04/09/2014 09:52

I think yabu , I cant see a problem

Mmmicecream · 04/09/2014 09:56

YABU.

She was his old friend, not yours. Unless they have "history" or you don't trust your husband you really shouldn't treat old female friends any different than old male ones.

perfumedlife · 04/09/2014 09:56

I think she would be rude to not include you in the conversation. If they had been friends, you'd expect her to want to know about his life/wife etc. I don't think rude to not invite you to coffee though. Doing so would be so false. Why would she invite a non friend to pop in?

lickandstick · 04/09/2014 09:58

yanbu , my ex h went for coffee mornings at my friends house , turned out it was more than coffee on offer .

londonrach · 04/09/2014 10:01

Depends how done if done in secret it's a problem if in the open like this it's not. Now imagine you meet a girlfriend and the same conversation happened with you excluding your husband. Yabu but understand your reasons.

Mim78 · 04/09/2014 10:02

English "you" is ambiguous as can be singular or plural.

On balance yanbu as I would not issue an invitation to one of two people I was speaking to in front of the other whether a couple or not.

Surprises me how many people do esp mums!

MackerelOfFact · 04/09/2014 10:03

I think it sounds like she did invite you to be honest - in English we don't have separate words for singular or plural 'you' so I'd just assume she meant the latter.

And even if she didn't invite you, I highly doubt she was planning her wicked way with your husband right in front of you nose.

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