to think this woman was rude to invite my husband round for coffee, even though i was stood next to him.

[hatethecold]

I wondered what you would make of this situation.
Yesterday I had an appointment at the hospital and because I knew it wouldn't take long, and it was nice and sunny, I suggested that my husband wait outside.
When I came out, I noticed he was chatting to a woman who I recognised as being a friend of his from years ago.
I went and stood next to them and said hello. They chatted for a few minutes more, husband said 'we have to go now' to which she replied
'It was nice bumping into you, YOU will have to call in for a coffee one day'
This was said to him only and didn't seem to include me

As we were walking away I said jokingly that 'I noticed I wasn't included in the invite!'
He said she probably didn't mean anything by it.

I agree with him, but am quietly seething that a woman would be SO rude and insensitive to a person, as to invited her partner round without inviting her, as well.
(I think it was the fact I was stood right next to him when she did it that really riled)

If the tables were turned, as soon as the wife turned up, I would have included her in the conversation AND in the invite for coffee?

Am I being unreasonable to be as annoyed by this as I am?
Have any of you had anything similar happen to you?

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Yabu.

I would imagine that the fact you are no stranger to her is the very reason she didn't extend the invite to you.

Difficult to catch up with a friend when their partner is staring you out, checking for evidence of man stealing.

[hoobypickypicky]

"I would never want my husband to have coffee alone in the home of another women, and neither would he want me to do the reverse."

I hope your husband's not a plumber or any other sort of household tradesman, Bobby!

[mum9876]

Do you know we're in our mid forties. A couple of times this summer dh and I have stayed in rented accommodation.

Two times now (once at a campsite and once in a b&b) the owner has said to dh, you must come back for a weekend break with a mate (completely ignoring me).

I find it extremely rude. DH finds it hilarious. We're at that age where he looks a bit swarthy, slightly grey and tanned. I look like an old prune. Both of these women were I would say around age 70.

[QuintessentiallyQS]

Did your husband have to take time off from work to take you to a hospital appointment, even if he hates hospitals? If he could just wait outside, then, why the need for him to be there? Are you joined at the hips through some sort of weird rubber band?

[Notmadeofrib]

Ha, think your husband was getting it offered on a plate mum

[sesamstrasse]

If my dh acted as controlling and hysterical as some posters are suggesting is ok towards men it would be called emotional abuse.

[Maisyblue]

I wonder if some people think the kind of woman who "offers it on a plate" don't exist?

[DancingDinosaur]

I'm sure theres lots of men and women who offer it on a plate. No issue with that, the recipient can always say no . Bit offensive to divorced / single women though to assume they are offering it on a plate because they haven't got a partner.

[Maisyblue]

I would never assume that dancing, I don't think anyone has said that. Most single people certainly wouldn't do that, but regardless of whether this woman at the hospital was single or not she upset the op mainly because of her rudeness in ignoring her. I think most women if they were being honest would be a little offended and suspicious of a woman (old friend or not) who purposely ignores the old friends wife and doesn't include her in the invitation. Only the op witnessed the way she invited her husband and it was enough to unsettle her. Good manners would prevent me from doing that to anyone.

[QuacksForDoughnuts]

So now OP is totally VVVVVVVU for wanting her husband there when she goes to hospital? You know nothing about why she is there. Maybe her condition stops her driving. Maybe she just needs the level of handholding she can get. But hey, if she had a terminal illness that's all the more reason for his friend to be there, to remind him how trivial his wife is.

[DancingDinosaur]

Op has commented about the woman being divorced maisy, and that this may have contributed to her feelings.
I wouldn't like to speak for most women, but personally I don't feel threatened by my dh's female friendships. Seems a lot of posters feel the same way.

[Flipflops7]

It's not about your DP's having female friends or not, or vice versa. We all know what unthreatening friendships are. There are tons of women out there "offering it on a plate". :). Just ask some men!

[Maisyblue]

I think it's irrelevant if this woman is divorced or not regarding her rudeness. It's common courtesy to invite her old friends wife for coffee as well. Obviously if the op hadn't have been standing there next to him there would have been no need but she was there, it doesn't matter that the woman didn't know the wife, she should have extended the offer to her. I don't know anyone who would do that.

[thicketofstars]

I know mumsnet gets militant about this issue, but in my community this would be considered very rude, regardless of whether or not he was your husband.

[WineWineWine]

I would never want my husband to have coffee alone in the home of another women, and neither would he want me to do the reverse.
I believe you have to have very strict boundaries to protect a marriage.
So you don't trust him and he doesn't trust you. Lovely.
I have male friends and my husband has female friends. I really don't understand how that can be an issue.

And I don't see how it can be rude to only invite your friend for a coffee and not extend that offer to their partner who you don't really know.
If it was two women talking, then a husband arrived, no-one would consider it rude if those 2 women agreed to meet up, without inviting the husband who was standing there.
Similarly, if 2 men were chatting, it would be odd for one to invite his mate's wife, just because she happened to be standing there at the time.

This is nothing to do with rudeness, it's possessiveness from women who don't think that any other women should be allowed to be anything more than a basic acquaintance with their men!

[TheHoneyBadger]

infidelity starts in the mind surely rather than in an instant cup of coffee in someone else's kitchen.

i've never cheated on anyone in my life however i've had coffee, wine, even numerous shots with people of the opposite sex without a chaperone. i couldn't countenance the idea of living and raising children with someone i didn't think could be trusted to have a cup of coffee with a woman without accidentally shagging her.

what bizarre lives people live.

[Maisyblue]

what bizarre lives people live........the only thing I find bizarre is how many think it's ok for a woman to invite a man for coffee and not include the wife. Where I come from it just wouldn't be seen as acceptable.

[TheHoneyBadger]

let's reframe that - it's ok to invite a friend to drop round for coffee sometime without feeling obigated to invite their partner.

[Maisyblue]

But that's different, the man was joined by his wife, it's only manners to include her. People invite practical strangers for coffee, it's not a big deal, why on earth wouldn't she invite both round.....whichever way you look at it the woman was dammed rude.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Gosh I invite male friends out for alcoholic drinks without their partners. And without my husband. We don't shag each other or anything

[Maisyblue]

I give up.

[Anotherchapter]

YANU.

People chest and people do throw themselfs at others. I know both types.

I would have said " fab! Get the biccies in, I'll look forward to it!"

[Anotherchapter]

*cheat!

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Why Maisy?.

I've done it in front of their partners. My husband has suggested drinks to his females friends in front of me, the invite was not for me.

Why? I don't know them. Much why I don't invite my husband out with said male friends, most of the time.