to think this woman was rude to invite my husband round for coffee, even though i was stood next to him.

[hatethecold]

I wondered what you would make of this situation.
Yesterday I had an appointment at the hospital and because I knew it wouldn't take long, and it was nice and sunny, I suggested that my husband wait outside.
When I came out, I noticed he was chatting to a woman who I recognised as being a friend of his from years ago.
I went and stood next to them and said hello. They chatted for a few minutes more, husband said 'we have to go now' to which she replied
'It was nice bumping into you, YOU will have to call in for a coffee one day'
This was said to him only and didn't seem to include me

As we were walking away I said jokingly that 'I noticed I wasn't included in the invite!'
He said she probably didn't mean anything by it.

I agree with him, but am quietly seething that a woman would be SO rude and insensitive to a person, as to invited her partner round without inviting her, as well.
(I think it was the fact I was stood right next to him when she did it that really riled)

If the tables were turned, as soon as the wife turned up, I would have included her in the conversation AND in the invite for coffee?

Am I being unreasonable to be as annoyed by this as I am?
Have any of you had anything similar happen to you?

[Maisyblue]

None of us were there and I'm sure the op would know the difference between a proper invitation for coffee and a way of just saying goodbye. Therefore I can't understand why everyone's saying the ops being unreasonable. It's all about body language and eye contact, the op is saying this woman made a pointed invite to her dh only, none of us were there therefore people should give the op the benefit of the doubt regarding whether the woman was giving a definite invitation to her dh.

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

Mm. DW and I have friends of the opposite sex, some attached, some not. We accept and offer invitations as a couple because that's what we do. This is a hangover from 20 years ago when we were beating the adulterous off with sticks. DW still has to, whereas my transformation from Matt Damon to Phil Mitchell means I get far less attention. There's the odd one at work, but he's got too many tats.

[TheHoneyBadger]

do you lock yours in a cage to be safe then maisy?

maybe attach an erection alarm to him that goes off on your phone if he ever finds himself with a woman on a plate before him so you can run to the rescue of your marriage?

or maybe just ban them from speaking to women? make them work in all male workplaces?

maybe you should both have sex changes and then move to saudi?

[TheHoneyBadger]

i'm off to invent that erection alarm. i guess it could be a kind of electronic band around the penis that when stretched sets off the alarm on a wife's monitoring device? perhaps it could also give out a small electric shock as a kind of aversion therapy.

[hatethecold]

Something I forgot to mention, is that this woman is recently divorced.

Would that have had any bearing on how she socially interacted with us?
and how I reacted to how she treated me?
Maybe, maybe not.

I appreciate all the different views.

[hatethecold]

Even the sarcastic ones!

[TheHoneyBadger]

no one here is hating people or whipping up hatred. they are condemning actions and brutality. you do see the difference surely? what you are saying is like saying that those who condemn genocide are part of the problem because they're being negative

[wigglesrock]

Maybe the fact that you know she's recently divorced is making you more sensitive to what she said and the way you perceive she said it.

[hatethecold]

You could be right wigglerock.
I am now wondering that.
(even though I still think she was rude)

[Fairylea]

Maisy I have no idea where on earth you are getting your facts from. Because it is 2014 now and both men and women can and do pursue casual sex, even if they have children. You're wrong if you think men and women are different when it comes to sex. I myself had a very casual relationship with a man much younger than me that my 6 yr old dd knew absolutely nothing of because I worked in a hotel and she was in bed asleep when I returned home with him after work and he left before she woke up - I had childcare that would leave when I got home. I wasn't interested in any sort of relationship then. Lots of women aren't. Affairs are wrong but lots of people enjoy casual sexual relationships for various reasons, sometimes people with children don't want the commitment of another adult.

I think it is incredibly sexist to think men somehow think differently, I really don't think they do. I have known both men and women who have had affairs. Women can hide it just as well as men - we all work similar hours now and the increase of longer shifts and working "late" for both sexes makes it very easy to play away without suspicions.

[Ludways]

What a brazen hussy, you must take and feather her immediately!

You realise you're BU, right?

[hoobypickypicky]

YABU, insecure and are overreacting.

[FlossyMoo]

Am I missing something?

Do all divorced women suddenly go on a rampage and hunt down married men?

OP you are BVU. For all the reasons everyone else said.

[DancingDinosaur]

Aaah, I get it. She's recently divorced. Well, she must be after your man then hun. You better keep a close eye on him...

[Flipflops7]

YANBU, I've met women like this too.

[FlossyMoo]

Where Flip Who are these brazen hussies?

I need to know so that I can keep my husband away from these man eaters.

[WineWineWine]

Do all divorced women suddenly go on a rampage and hunt down married men?
apparently so, and men are too weak to resist!!

I will have to keep a much tighter rein on my DH or he might inadvertently find himself having an affair.

OP, you are being ridiculous. She was making conversation. They didn't make any arrangements, it was politeness to an old friend.

[PiperRose]

Oh my god, alert the press! There's a recently-divorced woman on the prowl who is so desperate for a man that she will use the offer of caffeine based products to lure poor, weak willed men into her lair.

In order to identify them I propose that that we shave the heads of divorced women and tattoo the word "hussy" on their forehead so the OP know which women to drag her DH away from.

[Flipflops7]

Flossy, you might not be able to.

[QuacksForDoughnuts]

YANBU to feel awkward and snubbed, YWBU to (for example) prevent them from meeting unless there's some backstory of her behaving inappropriately. Is there? I ask because I started my current relationship being insecure as all fuck due to things that have happened in the past, but tbh there are many women who I can get over insecurities about, and some I can't, and the latter have generally done something at some point that stuck in my mind as a reason to worry.

[FlossyMoo]

Why not Flip are they that determined they will beat me out of the way to get to my DH?

I best let DH know to be on the look out for sexed crazed divorcees

[BobbyDazzler1]

I don't think you're unreasonable at all. I would never want my husband to have coffee alone in the home of another women, and neither would he want me to do the reverse.

I believe you have to have very strict boundaries to protect a marriage.

[Maisyblue]

fairylea I don't purposely mean to sound sexist but the facts are men and women are different. Research has shown that men think far more about sex than women. Research has also shown that a man will far easier sleep with a woman casually(regardless of how attractive she is) than a woman would. ( where the looks of a man are quite important) like you say both men and women having casual sex is very common but it's a fact that women will think about the consequences more than a man.You mention your experiences but that doesn't alter how it is in the majority of cases. A woman doesn't have to try to get laid, she can basically get it off a different man every night if she so chooses whereas a man couldn't. I can quite easy imagine a scenario where a man would be tempted to sleep with a woman who has made it clear that's what she wants, not so easy vice versa. It's been this way since time began and basically nothing's changed.

[MrsSlave]

Sorry Maisy but I think that research in this thread has shown that there are some very insecure women.