to think this woman was rude to invite my husband round for coffee, even though i was stood next to him.

[hatethecold]

I wondered what you would make of this situation.
Yesterday I had an appointment at the hospital and because I knew it wouldn't take long, and it was nice and sunny, I suggested that my husband wait outside.
When I came out, I noticed he was chatting to a woman who I recognised as being a friend of his from years ago.
I went and stood next to them and said hello. They chatted for a few minutes more, husband said 'we have to go now' to which she replied
'It was nice bumping into you, YOU will have to call in for a coffee one day'
This was said to him only and didn't seem to include me

As we were walking away I said jokingly that 'I noticed I wasn't included in the invite!'
He said she probably didn't mean anything by it.

I agree with him, but am quietly seething that a woman would be SO rude and insensitive to a person, as to invited her partner round without inviting her, as well.
(I think it was the fact I was stood right next to him when she did it that really riled)

If the tables were turned, as soon as the wife turned up, I would have included her in the conversation AND in the invite for coffee?

Am I being unreasonable to be as annoyed by this as I am?
Have any of you had anything similar happen to you?

[hatethecold]

Thank you Maisie

[Mmmicecream]

If it helps OP to think of bad manners, I once met one of DHs old female friends, and she made a point of ignoring me, and then laughing about the hilarious time DH and another woman (a decade before we met) were so involved in making out at a party people couldn't get through the door.

Now that was bad manners

[1981]

Maisyblue "What on earth made her think she can invite a man who is standing next to his wife round to hers for coffee and ignore his wife stood next to him."

Er, because she knows the bloke she invited for a coffee, and doesn't know his wife?!

I didn't realise that getting married to my OH automatically meant I need to be invited along to every social occasion extended by his friends from the past, even if they've no idea who I am...

[MrsSlave]

OP, I am assuming you are disregarding all of our views/opinions as you thanked the one person that agreed with your madness?

[TidyDancer]

You're being really silly OP. The woman wasn't rude. The issue here is yours. I don't know whether you're possessive and insecure or you really think she was being rude according to some outdated notion about how women should act around married men (?), but try to stop worrying about this. The woman had no obligation to invite you, whether you were standing there or not. There is nothing wrong with her manners.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

See number 12 on the list
www.bbcamerica.com/anglophenia/2012/01/what-the-british-say-and-what-they-really-mean/

[TalcumPowder]

Exactly what Tidydancer said. I clearly live in another space-time continuum to the one in which married couples are regarded as socially welded at the hip, and any casual coffee invitations that don't include both spouses are clearly a massive insult/ implicitly involve nudity and fluffy handcuffs rather than Costa.

[DancingDinosaur]

Eh? But she's his friend isn't she? Not yours. Is it expected that you have to invite the partners / wives / husbands now if you want to see your friends? Why would you want to go for coffee if you barely know her

[MrsSlave]

Chazs

[treadheavily]

OP out of curiosity, how old are you?

[FriendlyLadybird]

I think you're massively over-reacting. It wasn't even an invitation: "we must do lunch ..."; "call in for a coffee some time"; "we must meet for a beer some time" are all social lubricants devoid of any real intent. It was just a friendly way of ending the conversation.

[wigglesrock]

I bump into people I know (usually from the kids school) all the time when I'm with my husband. Most times the quick conversation ends with "you must call round for a drink" said to me, whilst my husband is standing beside me, not once in many years of marriage has he ever felt offended that he wasn't included. Neither have I the odd time we've bumped into friends that he knows more than me and he's been invited out.

[MrsBoldon]

YABU and ridiculous.

And you're not being 'old fashioned' either. There has never been a time where it was unacceptable for married people to be invited to things separately.

[cherrybombxo]

I don't think it's a question of manners - you weren't even part of the conversation. You wandered up to them, he said "we have to go now", to which his friend replied, "okay, call me and we'll go for coffee".

If I was chatting to a friend while waiting for my OH and the friend said that to me as a way of ending the conversation, I definitely wouldn't expect OH to invite himself along.

[waithorse]

YABU, do you think she will jump him ?

[Rinkydinkypink]

YABU. I think its lovely your husband has such a nice friend.

[ChelsyHandy]

YANBU. She was a bit rude. Polite would have been adding on "And it was lovely to meet you as well" to you, at the very least. Even if she didn't invite you for coffee. I doubt you want to go for coffee that much, but being ignored and not acknowledged is rude.

[WhatWitchcraftIsThis]

I think it is rude to ask some one specifically to something in front of someone else. You either invite the group or no one. That's how I was always raised. So I don't think yabu op, but not because you are married or a woman or anything else. It just feels pointed if she has met you before to deliberately not invite you. But as many people on the thread can't see the issue maybe it really wasn't even considered by the woman.

[4seasons]

I would probably react the same way as you but I am a jealous and cynical person .... However , I would seethe inwardly and say absolutely nothing to DH . I realised a long time ago that jealousy wasn't an attractive characteristic so even if I am eaten up by it ( happens once in a blue moon ) I keep my mouth shut so as not to sour the atmosphere .

Personally I think it was a throw away remark and nothing to worry about . It's just what people say to end a conversation. I doubt they will ever have anything to do with each other again .If they do though, then I think a bit of friendly , cheerful interest on your part would be appropriate !

I'd forget all about it now. But here is at least one other person who didn't think you were unreasonable !

[Tittifilarious]

Agree with other posters - "you" can be used in the plural sense.

[FrenchJunebug]

are you and your OP join at the hips that you have to do everything together?!

[Nanny0gg]

On balance yanbu as I would not issue an invitation to one of two people I was speaking to in front of the other whether a couple or not.

^^This.

[littlewhitebag]

It was a polite conversation ender and nothing more. She really doesn't expect him to call in for coffee at all.

[OneLittleToddleTerror]

Really? She doesn't know you and to be honest I don't expect either of them to really act on that coffee. It's just a polite thing to say.

[Echocave]

I go against the majority here in thinking that it's rude. It's not a question necessarily of insecurity etc, it's a question of someone's partner standing next to them and being ignored. That does seem quite rude, irrespective of which person was this woman's friend.