to think this woman was rude to invite my husband round for coffee, even though i was stood next to him.

[hatethecold]

I wondered what you would make of this situation.
Yesterday I had an appointment at the hospital and because I knew it wouldn't take long, and it was nice and sunny, I suggested that my husband wait outside.
When I came out, I noticed he was chatting to a woman who I recognised as being a friend of his from years ago.
I went and stood next to them and said hello. They chatted for a few minutes more, husband said 'we have to go now' to which she replied
'It was nice bumping into you, YOU will have to call in for a coffee one day'
This was said to him only and didn't seem to include me

As we were walking away I said jokingly that 'I noticed I wasn't included in the invite!'
He said she probably didn't mean anything by it.

I agree with him, but am quietly seething that a woman would be SO rude and insensitive to a person, as to invited her partner round without inviting her, as well.
(I think it was the fact I was stood right next to him when she did it that really riled)

If the tables were turned, as soon as the wife turned up, I would have included her in the conversation AND in the invite for coffee?

Am I being unreasonable to be as annoyed by this as I am?
Have any of you had anything similar happen to you?

[HappyAgainOneDay]

So you were standing next to him?

[TheLovelyBoots]

You're being unreasonable. It's an old friend of his.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Sorry OP but you are being nuttier than squirrel shit.

He saw an old friend. They had a catch up. Said friend, on leaving, said "you must pop rpund for coffee some time"

Yep. Shes a vixen alright.

[MrsRonBurgundy]

YABU. She doesn't know you, why would she invite you to her house?

[Bouttimeforwine]

Another YABveryU.

[Branleuse]

idont see the big deal. She probably didnt even want him to come for coffee. its just one of those things people say.

[heraldgerald]

If you were standing right next to him I would have thought you should get an invite too.

[Fairylea]

Another yabu.

[Bulbasaur]

Yeah, let's be realistic. How many "We need to catch up" or "Let's hang" really materialize even with good friends? It's just a parting line with the ball being tossed in his court if he wants to chat again.

[TheHoneyBadger]

aboslutely none bulba if you walk away going jesus talk about the stinky eye from the pscyhotic partner, i'm steering well clear of that.

no wonder it's an 'old friend' - i doubt hte OPs partner has any current friends

[MistressDeeCee]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Don't be fooled by "cool wives" who will say they wouldnt mind -

If a woman looked into my OHs face whilst I was standing there and invited him for coffee in an "exclusive" way, my self-esteem wouldn't be low enough to be afraid to let him know how I feel about it...for fear of being thought "jealous". So what? FWIW I wouldn't actually be so rude and cringeworthy as to invite a guy for coffee but not invite his partner who is standing next to him. Nothing wrong with common courtesy

[Maisyblue]

No wonder so many marriages end up in divorce through infidelity, there's seems to be an awful lot of trusting ones on here. How do most people think extra marital affairs start. Probably through exactly this kind of thing. It's a well known fact that some people get off on stealing someone's partner.Friend or no friend she had no business to be singularly inviting the man round for coffee while his wife was stood there. One thing can very easily add to another. I wouldn't trust this woman as far as I could throw her.

[Fairylea]

Maisy- equal numbers of marriages also end because of controlling partners telling their other half who they can and cannot talk to and be friends with. It isn't as clear cut as that. Ultimately if someone wants to have an affair they will regardless.

[ChelsyHandy]

Did he introduce you to her OP, or did you already know her?

I'm beginning to think my manners are awfully old fashioned as I find it rude if I come across to two people, one of whom I know well, and they make no attempt to acknowledge my presence. I'd get the impression I wasn't welcome, and I suspect that's why the OP was annoyed, rather than specifically being excluded from a coffee invitation.

[I8toys]

YANBU its bad manners more than anything - an invitation should be for all involved and not exclude anyone. But to me it just sounds like what you say when you end a conversation but never actually do it.

[Maisyblue]

I agree Fairylea about marriages also ending in divorce because of controlling partners but I don't agree that affairs are started usually because a person ultimately decides they want one and will carry on regardless. I think they often happen by accident....often through meeting in the workplace and also in circumstances just like the op has described. It's a fact that men can be very weak when something is offered on a plate....this woman who invited the ops dh round for coffee could have no such thing on her mind but just rather rudely ignored the op, but why give her the opportunity. Like I said one thing can lead to another so why take the chance.

[hatethecold]

Did he introduce you to her OP, or did you already know her?

ChelsyHandy, as I joined them he turned to me and said You remember......?
We are not strangers to each other, even though she was his friend first, from years ago.
This is why I found it strange (and rude) that she didn't include me in the invite. I am no stranger to her.

I know some are saying it was a figure of speech, but she did turn to him as she issued to invite, so I don't think it was just a polite/general way of saying goodbye.

[1981]

It's a fact that men can be very weak when something is offered on a plate



A fact, eh?

[DancingDinosaur]

It's a fact that men can be very weak when something is offered on a plate

Just men? Not women? Is that all men? Or just some men?

[Ihatemytoes]

I wondered when someone would mention the "cool wives"...

[Fairylea]

I really don't agree affairs often happen by accident. Excuse my crudeness but it's pretty difficult for someone to fall over and put their privates together with someone else's. It is a choice.

And I don't agree men are weaker than women when it comes to affairs. Cheaters are weak. Either sex can be a cheater.

My ex dh left me for a girlfriend he had before me he'd found through Facebook. She actually added me as a friend as well! I didn't think anything of it at all - it was years and years ago before we even met each other. He went down to see his mum for the weekend and met up with her then and came back and said he didn't love me anymore and was leaving me - for his ex.

If I had gone down to meet her with him it wouldn't have made a jot of difference. The second he saw her as more than a friend was the second our marriage was finished. Nothing I could have done to change that.

[Maisyblue]

fairylea. When I say by accident I mean by two people being attracted to each other, either one or both could be married but their strong attraction for each other over rides any thoughts of fidelity. Either sex can indeed be a cheater but a man is more likely to have a one night stand than a woman. There is a difference in the sexes in the way the minds work, a woman would usually want more commitment, she usually has the children so it would be harder for her.

[bearleftmonkeyright]

After your last post tbh, I can see your pov better. Do you know why she was there? I do get where you are coming from. My DP had an emotional affair many years ago and they can just strike out of the blue, coffee meet ups etc. It was with his friends wife. She was very kind of "call for a coffee on the way home from work" and before I knew it he was there most nights. I had just had our first baby. We got over it, but at the time it was nearly the end of us. It could be something and nothing, I don't know. But only you do really.

[GoblinLittleOwl]

Gosh, OP,you were taking a risk leaving your husband unattended outside, even though you suggested it.
Who knows what might have happened if you hadn't turned up then. Don't let him out of your sight again.

[TheLovelyBoots]

Goodness, now this woman was offering herself on a plate?

I totally agree that suggestions of coffee are really a polite way of extricating from a chance encounter and they often never come to pass. I often find it really tricky to disengage from a conversation without some vague suggestion of a future meeting. It's just another kind of social lubricant, like discussing the weather.