to think this woman was rude to invite my husband round for coffee, even though i was stood next to him.

[hatethecold]

I wondered what you would make of this situation.
Yesterday I had an appointment at the hospital and because I knew it wouldn't take long, and it was nice and sunny, I suggested that my husband wait outside.
When I came out, I noticed he was chatting to a woman who I recognised as being a friend of his from years ago.
I went and stood next to them and said hello. They chatted for a few minutes more, husband said 'we have to go now' to which she replied
'It was nice bumping into you, YOU will have to call in for a coffee one day'
This was said to him only and didn't seem to include me

As we were walking away I said jokingly that 'I noticed I wasn't included in the invite!'
He said she probably didn't mean anything by it.

I agree with him, but am quietly seething that a woman would be SO rude and insensitive to a person, as to invited her partner round without inviting her, as well.
(I think it was the fact I was stood right next to him when she did it that really riled)

If the tables were turned, as soon as the wife turned up, I would have included her in the conversation AND in the invite for coffee?

Am I being unreasonable to be as annoyed by this as I am?
Have any of you had anything similar happen to you?

[LosingAllTheLego]

Eh? My DH doesn't come out with me and my friends, because well, they're my friends not his! In much the same way, why would their partners be invited along when they don't know us either? And why would they want to come for a night out with people they don't know. Having partners on a night out changes the dynamic.

Nothing to do with attention or vanity. I don't want attention like that from any of my mates, why would I ?? It's just that we all get on, have things in common and enjoy each others company!

[Darkandstormynight]

YAB a bit U I think. Even I, not known to let things roll off me, really wouldn't read too much into this. It was more of a, "Let's do lunch" as a euphemism for "nice to see you". There was no Real invite given. Had she invited him on the spot and they left you in a breeze, Then I'd be miffed and hurt. I think you are reading too much into it.

[ScrambledeggLDCcakeBOAK]

Well this thread blew up big style didn't it!

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Was your last post directed at me op?

If so, yes I do. Regardless of whether I think you're reasonable in your reaction, it is more important that you and your husband are on the same page. From what you've said about your relationship, you are.

[sanfairyanne]

so why was she at the hospital? work? ill? family member ill? i still think you are reading far too much into a casual end to a conversation

[Dustydoo123]

I agree, I think it's rude of her just to address your husband whether she meAnt anything or not. It's about respect. I have male friends I knew before they got married and I always befriended the wife and given her the respect she deserves as his wife and VIP. I trust my male friends and my husband too but think it's just courtesy to respect their spouses. It's win win if you can be friends with them both. Not your husbands fault if she was unthinking but I don't know what addition she would be to your lives if she's pretty self centred and doesn't think to be inclusive or respectful of their other halves.
In saying that I wouldn't overtly invite a female friend to something and exclude another woman standing there - either I would include both or offer an invite when the other person isn't around.
Other people can do as they wish in their partnerships and marriages but I think it boils down to what's important up you and your husband and being open and honest you didn't like her manner I think is fine.
Hope it works out well - I can understand yr perspective x

[Flipflops7]

Lego, how can another woman get a look in at fancying your DH if you are the only woman among the 15-strong gatherings?

[alAswad]

Also I know I'm late in the thread to say it but this 'cool wives' shit got tired ages ago.

[alAswad]

Eh? One of my closest friends (male, in a relationship) is friends with more women than men, I don't think he's a 'vain, pretentious dickhead with no respect for his girlfriend, getting off on female attention'. And I've asked him out for coffee several times. Why are people even concerned with the genders of friends of friends? Surely they're just normal people, male or female?

[MistressDeeCee]

I can imagine the reaction if a bloke landed on here and talked about a woman inviting just him for a coffee whilst his DW was standing there..or even saying he goes out monthly with 14 women friends, his and their partners excluded..you wouldnt be able to move for the comments on here branding him a vain, pretentious dickhead with no respect for his DW, getting off on female attention. Double standards abound, eh

No woman of course would EVER aim to be the spectre in a couple's relationship ..the ex that won't piss off.the silly, affected woman who thrives on male attention and sees other women as rivals..nope..thats all a myth and anyone who sees piss poor troublesome behaviour in another woman is a JEALOUS OGRE. The end

[LosingAllTheLego]

Wow! There's 15 of us that go out every few weeks or so. I'm the only woman. Good to know that makes me sad and pathetic!

I also had a party a while back and invited said friends but but not their partners as I don't know them, and the lads were invited as a social unit. If one of their wives had turned up at the venue watching us, I can assure you I wouldn't have been the only one to think she was a bit unstable. And that's without the gatecrashing and general all round odd behaviour.

Good to know I'm a cool wife. But ultimately it comes down to not wanting to spend my days getting worried and upset over things I have no control of. If another woman fancies my DH then good for her! Obviously he's fanciable to me, else I wouldn't have married him, so its right to assume he's fanciable to other people too! But last I checked it still takes 2, and people meet in all sorts of random places, and that's without all the online shit too, so if someone does want to cheat then they will. its not worth me worrying over.

[hatethecold]

Do You? Thamks! :)

[sweetnessandlite]

Maisyblue, I appreciate the support x

[Mrsrochesterscat]

hatethecold the thing that stands out to me, is that you were outside the hospital - what are the chances this woman is dealing with some horrific news and so wasn't really thinking clearly?

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I think you and your husband have a relationship that works for you both and thus he respects the relationship as is fitting.

It is quite possible the woman didn't really mean it as an actual invite, rather it was one of those things people say.

I can count on one hand how many times I've said/heard "oh we must meet up again soon for a drink" and it actually happening.

[sanfairyanne]

was it even an invitation though really?

[Maisyblue]

I would have too hatethecold.

[hatethecold]

So has your husband even been for this coffee yet?

I don't think he would somehow.
He has respect for our marriage, so I don't think he would have accepted the invitation anyway, out of respect for me and how he feels about me. It wouldn't have sat right with him.
As I have said, I found it rude how she phrased the invitation.

[SailorEverRose]

So has your husband even been for this coffee yet?

[hatethecold]

Sailor, I am stubborn!

[SailorEverRose]

I guess I was being a bit unreasonable hmm but I still think the woman should have shown better manners.
Oh well.

LOL

That's like an apology that goes - "I'm sorry .... but you're still in the wrong"



ps ... YABU.

[hatethecold]

Dropping in to check and thank you for all the replies.
I guess I was being a bit unreasonable but I still think the woman should have shown better manners.
Oh well.

[MexicanSpringtime]

Sorry stopped reading at page 7, just wanted to comment on this snide slagging off of cool wives.

I suppose some people believe that men and women can be friends and some don't.

Having always had male friends, I have been in a relationship where my partner tried to forbid me their friendship. I had known these friends much longer than said partner and had we wanted to have a sexual going relationship we had had plenty of time before the arrival on the scene of said partner; apart from the small matter of trust, if I say I am going to be faithful, is my word of no value???

And on the other side of the coin, being single, where women think that you are after their precious husbands just because you are single. I have been celibate for thirty years now and the last thing I would want is a relationship with a married man, but it is a bit much when that means I cannot have male friends.

And I have met women who throw themselves at men or even seem to particularly want a married man, but surely then you have to trust your partner?

[Alisvolatpropiis]

If you say so Another

[TheHoneyBadger]

mn may delete my comment if you laid it on thick enough about feeling ill but it is hardly bannable to describe someone's behaviour as psychotic and to suggest your sister set you on this woman 'like the family dog' - that is a simile btw - not name calling.