to think this woman was rude to invite my husband round for coffee, even though i was stood next to him.

[hatethecold]

I wondered what you would make of this situation.
Yesterday I had an appointment at the hospital and because I knew it wouldn't take long, and it was nice and sunny, I suggested that my husband wait outside.
When I came out, I noticed he was chatting to a woman who I recognised as being a friend of his from years ago.
I went and stood next to them and said hello. They chatted for a few minutes more, husband said 'we have to go now' to which she replied
'It was nice bumping into you, YOU will have to call in for a coffee one day'
This was said to him only and didn't seem to include me

As we were walking away I said jokingly that 'I noticed I wasn't included in the invite!'
He said she probably didn't mean anything by it.

I agree with him, but am quietly seething that a woman would be SO rude and insensitive to a person, as to invited her partner round without inviting her, as well.
(I think it was the fact I was stood right next to him when she did it that really riled)

If the tables were turned, as soon as the wife turned up, I would have included her in the conversation AND in the invite for coffee?

Am I being unreasonable to be as annoyed by this as I am?
Have any of you had anything similar happen to you?

I have met her in the past so it's not as if as she doesn't know me. I think as soon as I joined them it would have been good manners (on her part) to say it would be great if you could BOTH call in for a coffee sometime.

It's what I would do.

Ha, x-post with Mim.

Mackerel, the invite was definitely aimed at him... it was a case of 'Nice seeing you (his name) - you must call in for a coffee'

If it had been a male friend who said 'you should come round for a drink mate' would you be bothered? Would you expect to go/be invited?

She wasn't being rude. You are being possessive and huffy.

it's in situations like this im glad everyone I know uses ye for the plural of you it's less confusing even if it looks wrong written down.

either way i don't see anything wrong with her inviting your husband for coffee. she said it in front of you it's not a secret. just because you are married doesn't mean you are now one person. a friend of mine was having secret coffee mornings with a married man. I almost stopped being friends with her over it as In my mind if it's has to be a secret then you know you are doing something wrong.

Oh ffgs. I can think of several friends/acquaintances of mine whom my husband's would have not the slightest inclination or interest to meet up with and ditto mine with his. If we bumped into them neither of us would expect to tag along on such an invitation as you've described.

YABU. Grow up OP. She probably said it to be kind. It was probably an empty offer anyway as nothing was arranged.

My DH has an old female friend from school who he will go and have a coffee with once in a blue moon. I haven't/wouldn't give it a second thought when she invites him over nor would I want to tag along.

He is allowed to have friends without you, isn't he OP?

What the fuck??

It would never ever occur to me to invite partners of my friends along to things unless I was friends with them too. Knowing someone and wanting to socialise with them are 2 different things!!

You sound overbearingly possessive.

It's possible she did invite both of you. I would probably say the same thing I.e. "You should come round", the invite would be to both but personally I wouldn't have thought I'd need to add the actual word - both.

Get your DH to arrange the coffee meeting, if you want to go then just go with him. If she acts all surprised, you can tell her that naturally you assumed the invite was to both people present.

Whatwouldblair, you are probably right, it wouldn't have bothered me as much.
Like I said I'm probably old fashioned. I wouldn't dream of inviting somebody else's husband round,while his wife was stood right next to him

OP. I'm the jealous type myself but really she did nothing wrong. She only wants to have coffee with him!

Loosen the reins!

And no do not turn up for coffee, that would look mad!

Honeybager your comment made me laugh.

I would be annoyed about this too

Honest question: are you insecure in your relationship? And do you have many male friends yourself?

I just ask because if the answers are yes you are insecure, then no you don't have male friends, your reaction does make sense, and I'd feel a bit mean saying YABU when although I wouldn't mind the same, I am very secure, and have many male friends so know that you can be friends with members of the opposite sex without smoldering sexual tension

but am quietly seething that a woman would be SO rude and insensitive to a person, as to invited her partner round without inviting her, as well.

Seething?

YABU.

This woman isn't your friend... she may have meant the plural you... perhaps she didn't want to impose or set any expectations on a relative stranger as it's your husband she knows from the past and (from what I can tell) she doesn't know you.

But I do find the statement above odd. My husband has female friends, and I have male ones. It's not "rude" or "insensitive" to invite someone you know around for a coffee and not invite their unknown OH.

Very odd.

Yes, YABU.

The woman was your husbands friend, why should she not invite only him?

If the friend was a bloke, would you have minded?

BTW it is telling that you say "someone else's husband" not "a male friend of mine who's gotten married"

I'm guessing OP is very insecure and jealous, she may have reason to be but in this instance I don't understand how you can presume she didn't mean you both.

And I've never heard of ye!

If you are in England then anything along the lines of 'we must meet up sometime' means 'it was nice chatting to you, but I'm not that bothered whether we see each other again or not', so you are quite literally making a fuss about nothing IMO.

Thanks for the replies. For the record, I didn't fall out with him and get 'all possessive' as some of you are suggesting.

It was mainly the manners side of things that puzzled me.

YANBU it doesn't matter that she was his friend and not yours, she was rude to not include you and says a lot about her as a person. What on earth made her think she can invite a man who is standing next to his wife round to hers for coffee and ignore his wife stood next to him. Apart from anything else her manners are atrocious.

I wouldn't dream of inviting somebody else's husband round,while his wife was stood right next to him

But you're essentially saying that a married man can't see a female friend from the past without being chaperoned by his wife!

Do you not see how odd that perspective is, if you're secure in your relationship, trust your husband, and want him to have any sense of autonomy?

You realise she said 'coffee' and not 'blowjob', don't you?

I don't think it would enter my head to invite a friend's partner round for coffee, especially if I didn't know them that well.