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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about dss wedding?

243 replies

Mumoftwomonkeys1976 · 14/08/2014 21:06

Hiya, this is my first AIBU, do and I have been together for 9 yrs, we have ds1 13 (from my previous relationship) and ds2 4, also dss 23 from dp previous relationship.
Anyway dss is getting married and has invited dp, myself and ds2 to the full wedding but ds1 only to the evening do. So AIBU to say that we either all of us go or none of us go as I'm not prepared for ds1 to be excluded.
Dp is furious with me for trying to make him miss his eldest sons wedding, but I think he should be making a stand with me on this one.

OP posts:
Tutt · 14/08/2014 21:08

What a nasty thing to do!! I'd not stop my DH but if my child was excluded like that I wouldn't in a million years go, what a hurtful spiteful thing to do!!
IMHO YANBU at all.

WorraLiberty · 14/08/2014 21:09

Has he given a reason why she isn't invited to the full wedding?

It's all very odd

But I agree with your DP. You don't get to decide whether he attends his son's wedding or not.

BauerTime · 14/08/2014 21:10

I'm usually one for saying that a couple are the only people who get to dictate a guest list but in this case i think DSS is totally out of order. If I was you i wouldn't be going, or allowing DS2 to attend either.

Do you know why he has made that decision?

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 14/08/2014 21:11

Is it just an oversight? Speak to them and ask before kicking off

Itsfab · 14/08/2014 21:11

I am with your DH. You have no right to make him miss his son's wedding but clearly your step son doesn't feel the same about his older step brother as his younger step brother. He should always put his child before you.

You sound annoying.

Who knows, maybe the older boys have spoken and your son only wants to go to the evening do..

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/08/2014 21:11

Yanbu

That is a very odd thing to do. Surely your stepson is bright enough to know that not inviting your older child will cause massive offence and upset?

Original poster
Mumoftwomonkeys1976 · 14/08/2014 21:13

He just said that it was to do with numbers because they're having a very small wedding, I know I can't stop dp going but it's really bugging me. Dss and I don't get on very well and I think he know that if he doesn't invite ds1 then I won't go and he will just have dp and ds2 there.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 14/08/2014 21:13

But you cannot make your husband miss his son's wedding.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 14/08/2014 21:15

Would a 13 year old really want to go to a wedding?

quietlysuggests · 14/08/2014 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mumoftwomonkeys1976 · 14/08/2014 21:20

I agree with all of you who say I shouldn't stop dp going, I just kicked off in the heat of the moment. I'm just fed up of ds1 being left out all the time. It's the same at Christmas time when dss turns up and hands out presents to dp and ds2 when my eldest and I are just sat there looking on.

OP posts:
quietlysuggests · 14/08/2014 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BunnyPotter · 14/08/2014 21:20

To counter NoArmani:
Would a 13 year old really want to be the only one left out/uninvited to a family wedding?

Nerf · 14/08/2014 21:22

Do you, ds1 (his step brother) and ds2 ( his half brother) live together? If so, crappy thing to do. Does he care about the half/step thing?
Were you the ow? Is there some resentment going on?

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/08/2014 21:22

Is there a reason your stepson doesn't like you? It sounds like a real problem.

I think really all you can expect your husband to do is voice is displeasure that your older son has not been invited to the day.

I totally understand why you are angry about it.

Tutt · 14/08/2014 21:22

Just to add I wouldn't let my younger child go either, sounds like he is trying to exclude you, wedding or no wedding he doesn't deserve you or your 2 children there!!
Let his Dad go though with good grace so that there is none of the "evil SM" thing.
Oh also what does it matter if a 13 year old wants to go or not TOTALLY not the point!!

Original poster
Mumoftwomonkeys1976 · 14/08/2014 21:27

Yes I think there has been some resentment since dp and I got together, I wasn't the ow they broke up years before we got together. Dp didn't see much of his son for years and then he met me and was spending a lot of time with my son.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/08/2014 21:29

Tutt 'I wouldn't let my younger child go either'....'Let is Dad go though with good grace' Confused

You do realise the OP isn't a dictator don't you?

Szeli · 14/08/2014 21:29

is ds2 your dp's son?

if so then its just a case of dss inviting his brother and dad, small wedding = immediate family, he was a teen when you got together so its unfair to expect him to see your ds1 as his brother.

obviously it would be much nicer if her did, but he doesnt. they havent grown up together even.

are other children invited? cousins etc? id ask dp if he could have a quiet word as 13 is still a child so on that basis if other kids are going, see if he can be too as there'll be noone to have him? and he can explain by snubbing ds1 it really looks like a snub toward you and your dp

poppadompete · 14/08/2014 21:30

That'll do it then.

Tutt · 14/08/2014 21:31

Badly worded on my part I meant don't make it awkward and upsetting for all when DH goes as he is stuck really. I still would dictate that none of my hild where going :)

Holdthepage · 14/08/2014 21:31

YANBU to be annoyed but you are being VU trying to make your DH miss his own son's wedding.

Let him go to the whole event & the rest of you just go to the evening reception & stop getting overwrought about it, it's just a wedding.

HaroldLloyd · 14/08/2014 21:33

I would be furious as well, and I wouldn't go, but I would leave the decision as to wether he went to your partner, as he is in a very hard position.

JenniferJo · 14/08/2014 21:36

Of course your DH must go to his son's wedding. You would be VU to try to stop him.

Your elder son is no relation at all to the groom.

Nerf · 14/08/2014 21:37

Well I think odd in that case, and a silly snub that will just be resented over the years.obviously you can't do anything but you're not wrong.