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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off at DPs constant 'she must be the milkman's' "jokes" regarding our 1 YO DD?

571 replies

Mummytoagorgeouschops · 09/08/2014 21:07

Our DD is 1YO with blonde hair and blue eyes. Both me and my DP have brown hair and green eyes.

Over the last year I have gotten increasingly sick of the 'she looks nothing like me she must be the milkmans/postmans/undertakers etc etc' jokes which I think are in pretty bad taste.

We were at a BBQ tonight and he mentioned it at least three times to different people. If I'm quite honest, I wanted to keep my DD inside and away from people as when they mentioned her 'beautiful blue eyes' or 'blonde curls' they were met with some stupid remark by my DP. They looked genuinely shocked when he said it and I feel as though it portrays me in a bad light, almost as though I have a penchant for sleeping around!

I know its a joke and there is no truth in it but she is the spitting image of him when he was a baby. I dont want her to pick up on what he's saying either especially as he has another DD from a previous relationship who he reckons Is the spitting image of him, although I think she looks a lot more like her mum than him.

It's just really starting to upset me. I just want to burst into tears as I feel so humiliated when he says it

OP posts:
Branleuse · 09/08/2014 21:09

have you told him that although you know its a joke, that particular joke makes you feel humiliated

Paddingtonthebear · 09/08/2014 21:09

DD has blue eyes and blond hair with some curls. I am brunette with brown eyes and straight hair, DH is get eyed with brown straight hair.

A LOT of babies have blond hair. Both of us were blond as children, it's fairly common

Paddingtonthebear · 09/08/2014 21:10

*DH is grey eyed

FannyFifer · 09/08/2014 21:11

I would tell him that it's upsetting you & ask if he wants a DNA test as he is going on about it so feckin much.

Salmotrutta · 09/08/2014 21:12

Well he's an idiot.

Lots of babies who's hair starts out as blonde actually end up light brown haired or even quite dark haired - my DH had white blonde hair and then went dark brown!

The eye colour is genetics - which are actually very complicated despite what your old biology teacher had to teach you.

You need to let him know this is most definitely not funny and actually very insulting.

Tell him is being horrible.

Guitargirl · 09/08/2014 21:13

YANBU. I would call him on it and tell him how much it upsets you.

AnAirOfHope82 · 09/08/2014 21:15

I would ask him if he wants to dna test her as someone as funny as her couldnt possibly be his!

You need to tell him how you feel and ask him to stop with the jokes and ask of he feels she isnt his and how to get over that and build a strong bond with his dd.

deakymom · 09/08/2014 21:15

my husband was told he could never have children then i got pregnant how embarrassing Blush i offered him a DNA assured him he was the father but if he needed one i was happy to get one done for him! he didn't bother but we have had 6 years of questions 6 very long years!

he is being insensitive i would have a conversation with him.......nicely

Original poster
Mummytoagorgeouschops · 09/08/2014 21:16

I've told him so many times that it upsets me but he still does it. If any one comments on his 5YO DDs brown eyes and black curly hair he just says yeah she's beautiful if I do say so myself.
He has often referred to her as 'your daughter' whilst addressing me instead of 'our daughter'. I always correct him and he apologises but I just know tha he wouldn't refer to his eldest daughter like that

OP posts:
wheresthelight · 09/08/2014 21:16

I think you are being a little over sensitive and should just tell him it upsets you.

I am forever joking that if I hadn't given birth to her I would swear I had nothing to do with DD as she is all DP and his family! I claim to have only been the incubator.

EatShitDerek · 09/08/2014 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puntasticusername · 09/08/2014 21:20

After your last update - I don't think he's joking, sorry. You may need to have a serious conversation with him to try and get to the bottom of exactly what his problem is.

LoveBeingInTheSun · 09/08/2014 21:20

I understand my youngest is blonde when we are dark haired, but dh was when he was little.

Could it be he's getting in there first? Has he had someone say it to him?

thenightsky · 09/08/2014 21:21

My two don't even look like siblings. It gets commented on and I feel hurt.

YANBU op... but I don't know what the answer is.

Original poster
Mummytoagorgeouschops · 09/08/2014 21:22

Don't think I am bing overly sensitive. wheresthelight your situation is different. The mother of a baby, no matter what the baby looks like can't really be disputed, however the father can be disputed.
It paints me in a bad light. It sounds like I can't be trusted or that I have a reputation for being a slapper (I dont btw).

OP posts:
nooka · 09/08/2014 21:25

We used to say that dd must be a changeling as she was blonde haired and blue eyed. Dh and I have very dark brown hair and green/brown eyes. Also her brother was very obviously our child and dd didn't look very much like relatives or baby pics either. It was actually quite an adjustment, although she was a very pretty little girl. Then when she was about four we had a holiday with my big sister's family and realised when we looked at photos that she looked very like her older cousin. Funnily enough he was always said to look very like his dad.

Now she is a teen she has brown hair and green eyes and looks much more like she fits in. OP I think you need to tell your partner that his comments make you feel bad and embarrassed.

Guitargirl · 09/08/2014 21:25

Having read your update, I think I would tell him that you would seriously like a DNA test and then after that that you don't want to hear any such 'jokes' again.

nooka · 09/08/2014 21:26

Didn't see your last post OP. Do you think that perhaps he really thinks your dd is not his? I can see how the situation must be very upsetting.

MintyCoolMojito · 09/08/2014 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 09/08/2014 21:30

If telling him it upsets you doesn't work you might want to try this response: "Don't be silly. Shes not the milkman's she's your [brother's] [best friend's] [sworn enemy's]"

Livnletliv · 09/08/2014 21:30

Flippin heck, I would bite my other half's head off if he dared to make that joke. Time to have a serious chat to find out what's behind all this. If it's nothing and he us indeed just joking tell him not to do it again if he does it he doesn't respect you. If your dd should overhear such shite, it could be very damaging to her self esteem Sad

MissWimpyDimple · 09/08/2014 21:30

We had this, both of us are dark with green/brown eyes. Added tho this was that we split early on and to cut a long story short, we ended up with a DNA test.

Child still blond haired and pale blue eyed. Still don't really know where it's from but child is definitely ours!

Original poster
Mummytoagorgeouschops · 09/08/2014 21:31

Tonight was particularly humiliating anyway as it was a family BBQ on DP's side and they took a dislike to me as soon as they met me for some reason I am yet to figure out.

They are gossips and love to stir and I can't help thinking that they will be weighing up whether or not DD actually is DPs or not. They will be thriving on it after what he said.

I also feel like my DD deserves to be treat as well as DPs DD. she deserves to be cuddled, kissed and told how much shes loved as often.

OP posts:
DoJo · 09/08/2014 21:35

It sounds like there is more to it than the comments if you feel that he is not giving her as much love as his other daughter. Maybe you need to address the whole issue, as it sounds like the comments are a symptom of the problem rather than the deeper issue itself.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 09/08/2014 21:37

My dd2 has blonde hair and blue eyes. My family all have blue eyes but everybody on both families has brown hair. We've had the very occasional comment about it but nothing serious and it's never crossed my mind that dh would think anything of it. Plus she was the spit of him when she was born.

You dh is a prick, op. Sorry but he is. You need to make him cough up for a paternity test, flaunt it at his family and tell them if they don't start bucking their bloody ideas up they won't be seeing either of their gdd's. Arses.