To be pissed off at DPs constant 'she must be the milkman's' "jokes" regarding our 1 YO DD?

[Mummytoagorgeouschops]

Our DD is 1YO with blonde hair and blue eyes. Both me and my DP have brown hair and green eyes.

Over the last year I have gotten increasingly sick of the 'she looks nothing like me she must be the milkmans/postmans/undertakers etc etc' jokes which I think are in pretty bad taste.

We were at a BBQ tonight and he mentioned it at least three times to different people. If I'm quite honest, I wanted to keep my DD inside and away from people as when they mentioned her 'beautiful blue eyes' or 'blonde curls' they were met with some stupid remark by my DP. They looked genuinely shocked when he said it and I feel as though it portrays me in a bad light, almost as though I have a penchant for sleeping around!

I know its a joke and there is no truth in it but she is the spitting image of him when he was a baby. I dont want her to pick up on what he's saying either especially as he has another DD from a previous relationship who he reckons Is the spitting image of him, although I think she looks a lot more like her mum than him.

It's just really starting to upset me. I just want to burst into tears as I feel so humiliated when he says it

Has he still not seen her then?
The whole thing is just so so sad, but you should be immensely proud of yourself op

He doesn't deserve to have a beautiful baby. If he is so doting on DSD, why doesn't he do something about her rotting teeth?

That is called financial abuse OP.

That's how bad it was. He KNEW that he didn't have to pay that money. Or pay it at a reduced rate yet he was happy to see his baby daughter go without nappies and milk all for the sake of his fucking pride and dad of the year pretence!!

What an arse. :(

So why doesn't he want to be dad of the year for BOTH his children?

Hi all I have spoken to him regarding maintenance and he said all he can afford at the moment is £10 a week.

He says he doesn't want to reduce the amount he gives DSD's ex because he's worried that if he lowered the amount she wouldn't let him see DSD as much which would never happen

I told him that he was being very unfair yet again. He offered to have DD overnight but if I'm honest I don't think he would know where to start.

He has never bathed her and rarely changed a nappy let alone prepare meals for her or anything like that!

But like I've said up thread, he is happy to pay his ex all of this money for a child she barely sees and feeds crisps for breakfast all the while our daughter is going without nappies and milk.

Csa is your friend op.

Luckily for you they won't see one child as more important than the other.

Yup yup go to CSA straight away. He's such a douche bag!

He's self employed though so he will be able to tinker with his books.

I think you still should go to CSA. It might shake him up and realize the unfairness of it all. And if all he is willing to pay is ten pounds a week, who cares if he gets pissed off and won't pay.

They will see what he is paying for DSD so he can't tinker that much.

Go to the CSA. It's only fair.

If he split the difference then we would both be getting £30 per week which I don't think is a sum of money to be sniffed at!

I could buy a lot of food with £30. I'm going to start growing my own veg :) that's something less on the shopping list.

I'm managing well in terms of money but even if I put the maintenance in a bank account for her at least I can say 'your dads given you that money'

OP, go the CSA route - the less you have to deal with him, the better.

I think you've done an amazing thing for you and your DD and you should be very proud of yourself. You sound like a very kind and considerate person.

Of course you're going to feel bad about your DSD, but try and turn that sadness into anger against your ex DP. The situation is of his making. If you get on okay with his sister, hopefully you'll have the chance to see DSD now and again. But remember, she's not your responsibility at the end of the day. You have to do what's best for you and your DD. It will hurt, but it will pass.

Neither of DSD's parents are not attending to her health needs. Neglect pure and simple.

Document the time DSD spends at your home rather than her mothers.
Document your cashflow, and as much as you can, his. Especially your money spent on supporting both children in your home, and his money sent for support to the home DSD is never at.

Talk to CSA. They will not have it that all his money and plenty of yours is spent on caring for DSD. He should be providing equally for both, and you should be spending no more on DSD than suits your convenience.

If he's always been very concerned with what other people think, I would tell him bluntly that he looks like a deadbeat dad and that people have commented on what a poor parent he is to your DD. Tell him too that since he continues to be unfair in his lack of support, you will be sharing that fact as well as going through the CSA to put the discrepancy right.

I don't want to bad mouth him unnecessarily. I don't think it with do either kids any good. If people ask then I will tell them but otherwise I won't broadcast it too much.

He reckons that he's been 'trapped' into both pregnancies (which is completely untrue on my part but true on his exes part by her own admission) he gave me such a shitty time through my early pregnancy and caused me so much stress. I almost felt as though he was taking out his anger on me which was actually directed at his ex.

I can't say I've particularly enjoyed pregnancy/motherhood. I love my little girl so much but I've had so much stress and anger directed towards me an interfering MIL who puts my parenting skills and my daughter down at any opportunity

You have a child to feed, shelter and clothe. Keep it simple - do what you need to do to achieve that.

The reason you havent had a chance to enjoy motherhood is because of the emotional abuse you have been subjected to from him and his family and the financial abuse you have had from him. Tricked into both pregnancies???? Fucking twunt.

I emphasize what others have said Please please go to the CSA. And i would have serious doubts about letting him have her overnight too if it were me He will probably leave her in a shitty nappy.... the lazy mysogynistic tosser

Hope you are going from strength to strength op

Seconded by me.