To be pissed off at DPs constant 'she must be the milkman's' "jokes" regarding our 1 YO DD?

[Mummytoagorgeouschops]

Our DD is 1YO with blonde hair and blue eyes. Both me and my DP have brown hair and green eyes.

Over the last year I have gotten increasingly sick of the 'she looks nothing like me she must be the milkmans/postmans/undertakers etc etc' jokes which I think are in pretty bad taste.

We were at a BBQ tonight and he mentioned it at least three times to different people. If I'm quite honest, I wanted to keep my DD inside and away from people as when they mentioned her 'beautiful blue eyes' or 'blonde curls' they were met with some stupid remark by my DP. They looked genuinely shocked when he said it and I feel as though it portrays me in a bad light, almost as though I have a penchant for sleeping around!

I know its a joke and there is no truth in it but she is the spitting image of him when he was a baby. I dont want her to pick up on what he's saying either especially as he has another DD from a previous relationship who he reckons Is the spitting image of him, although I think she looks a lot more like her mum than him.

It's just really starting to upset me. I just want to burst into tears as I feel so humiliated when he says it

Good for you for accepting the way you talked about a 5yo child was wrong. But look, what this man is driving you to. Does this seem right to you ?

No not at all. It's like having 3 children sometimes. He won't say a bad word about his ex even though it is blatant that she is taking the piss, yet I have plans with DD and don't want to cancel them to look after DSD he makes it clear he isn't happy about it. I sort of have to plan any play dates/visits to see my mum or gran or friends around when we have DSD

No not at all. It's like having 3 children sometimes. He won't say a bad word about his ex even though it is blatant that she is taking the piss, yet I have plans with DD and don't want to cancel them to look after DSD he makes it clear he isn't happy about it. I sort of have to plan any play dates/visits to see my mum or gran or friends around when we have DSD

Like I said upthread, you are being used as an unpaid childminder and disrespected to boot by this man and his ex

I hope you find a way to change this unfair situation. I hope this man is worth it in other ways, although I have my doubts.

If you are desperate he will lend you money for food!!!

The mother of his child or his own children desperate.

Seriously op I am amazed you put up with this shit.

Come on love. Focus that anger and stand up for yourself.

He's vile. Dsd mother is a user. You are being treated
Like a dormat.

He didn't go through the CSA. If he did he would be paying a hell of a lot less an doing a lot less running around. They have their own 'private' agreement. She was demanding £120 a week when he first found out I was expecting. That's crazy money to us! He pays £60 as it is which is more than he/we can afford

I don't say this often, OP, but LTB.

He will lend you money for food? Blimey, I hope you manage to throw that in his face as you leave. He should be paying you for child minding. What would you earn a day if she was a mindee?

A lot more than I am at the minute. Perhaps I should do a bill, split it, sen half to DP and half to his ex!

He's told me that seeing as though I'm looking after DD I might a well look after DSD too. It isn't really the point though. DD doesn't get a look in regarding attention

I agree that threatening to leave, and meaning it, seems to be your only option.

He takes the piss because he isn't very nice and you let him get away with it and nothing will change until you stop acting like this man's doormat.

Two green-eyed parents can have blue-eyed children (but not the other way round). Blonde hair is common in small children.

tell him the joke has worn thin or agree she's the milkman's & see what he thinks then

OP, are you going to do anything to change this situation at all ?

Ignore the people saying you're oversensitive. Hell, your DH is being extremely rude and weird frankly.

Tell him you want a DNA test. This is just awful actually. Who the hell does he think he is?!

On RTFT, LTB.

The anger you are showing here needs to be funnelled into a reasonable plan which you will discuss with your dp. It sounds like he is just as frustrated and confused as you are. Write down the things you'd like to change and give him the chance to do the same, then go through them together. I know you probably rarely get a moment of peace together, but make time.

Make a plan and stick to it. This way you both know what is expected of each other at a given time/situation.

Together work out how to address the ex. Then your dp will have to be the one to enforce any changes involving her. It's possible that now is the time to go through the CSA, if you think she will be willing. By the sounds of it, she's quite happy with the current custody/visiting situation so hopefully that wouldn't be affected.

Create a budget sheet together detailing what both of your incomes go on. Since you have a SD you will have to consider that at least 50% of the cost of bringing up a child will come out of his wages and be paid to his ex. From now on, collect all receipts for things you've paid out on for SD and deduct 50% of the cost from the amount he pays out to the ex, just to keep it nice and tidy.

If she doesn't earn enough to cover 50% then she'll have to apply to the CSA herself.

Oh, and my daughter has the blondest hair and the starkest ice cold silver eyes whereas I have dark hair, dark skin, dark eyes and there is nobody in my family up to my grandparents who has anything other than dark, dark and dark. My boyfriend has blue eyes and dark blonde hair, but his father is as blonde as my daughter, with similar eyes, so I can see where she gets her colouring.

I always thought brown was dominant over blonde/blue, so someone in my family many many years ago must have had blonde hair and blue eyes. Weird.

OP, are you going to do anything to change this situation at all ?

Still wondering that myself, AF...

I really don't know what to do. I don't really hav anywhere to go, I haven't been able to save anything because every last penny goes towards food etc.

I might wait until I've tried to save a decent amount of money but then that could take forever

What about your mum. Could you go to her? Whilst you figure things out. He is more than taking the piss.

The financials you describe are completely unfair.

I know that his ex will need a good amount to go towards food/clothes/clubs etc but whilst DSD is here thn none on that (correct me of I'm wrong) applies!

She still costs money to feed and clothe here. It would be lovely to go swimming or to the zoo with both DDs but we can't because we can't afford it. £60 would go a long long way to treating the kids and having some quality time. I feel put upon a lot of the time

If you leave then your dp will be giving you £60 a week maintenance too surely?

Pfffffffffft to be fair the way he is with DD I'd be surprise if he gave us anything.

He says he skint yet he has two motor bikes sat in his friend's garage he hasn't ridden for 5 years! Twunt