To be pissed off at DPs constant 'she must be the milkman's' "jokes" regarding our 1 YO DD?

[Mummytoagorgeouschops]

Our DD is 1YO with blonde hair and blue eyes. Both me and my DP have brown hair and green eyes.

Over the last year I have gotten increasingly sick of the 'she looks nothing like me she must be the milkmans/postmans/undertakers etc etc' jokes which I think are in pretty bad taste.

We were at a BBQ tonight and he mentioned it at least three times to different people. If I'm quite honest, I wanted to keep my DD inside and away from people as when they mentioned her 'beautiful blue eyes' or 'blonde curls' they were met with some stupid remark by my DP. They looked genuinely shocked when he said it and I feel as though it portrays me in a bad light, almost as though I have a penchant for sleeping around!

I know its a joke and there is no truth in it but she is the spitting image of him when he was a baby. I dont want her to pick up on what he's saying either especially as he has another DD from a previous relationship who he reckons Is the spitting image of him, although I think she looks a lot more like her mum than him.

It's just really starting to upset me. I just want to burst into tears as I feel so humiliated when he says it

OP your last two posts say more about him and like you I'd be really worried that he shows a preference for his older DD and seems to see nothing wrong with that. There's something amiss about that. He's putting your (plural) DD down saying she's the milkman's. Even if it's a joke who wants to be the butt of jokes in their family. You must address this with him or it will get out of hand. I would be worried the dc will notice eventually too.
I was at a wedding a while back where the father of the bride made a "joke" about her being the milkmans child on account of looking different to her siblings. His wife looked stunned and hurt and so did the bride, then they pretended to laugh. At our table people just exchanged looks. Your DH could say this down the line to DDs teachers, friends, other parents, whomever. He needs to stop and now at that.

Is he trying to be "off" with you and your and his DD, in a bid to reassure his DD? If so, it is a sort of betrayal: why marry you if he was only going to regret you, or pretend to?

He could be either two-faced or insecure, but is definitely weak. And mean.

What AnyFucker says. Life is too short and your DD too precious for even another day of this shit.

I'm the only one with blue/grey eyes in my family,everyone else has brown. I had lots of milkman jokes too.

My ds had really blond hair until he was around 18 months, me and his dad are very dark haired.
Now at 11, he's as dark as us.
My dd looks nothing like me, has tight blond/light brown ringlets and green eyes. Mine are blue, but her dads eyes are also green.
My two don't look very alike either, apart from the green eyes.
I can see why these comments are upsetting you, maybe you need to ask dh if he realizes the implications of his words.
These thoughts may have been planted in his head by somebody else.
You know the truth so rise above his family.

Try walking down the street with your baby and people asking you if you're her nanny!

Blue eyes - recessive genes. Blond hair - will quite likely turn darker as your DD grows up.

My Bro was born white haired and went a very dark brown. I was fair as a toddler and ended up mid-to dark brown (until the grey kicked in ), with loads of rellies being similar, ie fair haired turning darker.

Your DP is being a prick.

My husband used to say this regularly about our son who has blond curls and blue eyes whereas he had dark hair and blue eyes.

I told him it upset me and he just laughed.

He did it for 3 years until one day I absolutely flipped at a family gathering and demanded that he either take a DNA test or never mention it again.

Blimey he's a twit.

If both sides think it's funny then fair enough.

The time may have come that next time he says it, chuckle and say Well with your problem it was the only chance I had. Whilst making a droopy cock with your finger. Smile broadly.

Oh he never mentioned it again after my "explosion". He thought he was being funny but it was actually very hurtful.

Oh dear, from what you've said here he doesn't sound very nice?

I seriously doubt your DP did lots of nappy changing and running around after his first daughter if he does none for his second. He is probably spinning you a tale.

My ex used to tell people we knew he was the father, but we weren't sure who the mother was yet. This actually bothered me more than it did when he'd tell people she got her blonde hair from the garbageman.
Mostly that was to illustrate that 'where does she get her blonde hair?' is a pretty stupid question to ask when the person you're asking is her father - and blonde. Also, our garbageman was Mexican and had very black hair.

I'll agree with people saying that the problem you're dealing with goes further than a few jokes in bad taste. Not least of all that he knows it bothers you and does it anyway.

Beyoncescat Are you me?

Seriously OP call him out on it, he's being an inconsiderate arse. Also he needs to buck up his ideas at home and pitch in more with both DC, you sound ground down and I suspect he's the root of it

Your dp is saying "jokingly" to his family that his daughter isn't his. Saying that once as a joke is fine "she is so beautiful she couldn't be mine" saying it repeatedly, based on ignorant cliched misinformation about how hair and eye colour are passed on, to the point where not only you but others listening can get how unpleasant this is is horrible.

Will he continue to say this in front of your dd when she is old enough to understand? That will be devastating for her.

I have a friend from a big family. All the siblings, bar one, have a look that you can recognise - dark hair, dark eyes, certain features. One sibling is very different looking. He is also far more empathetic/artistic than the others. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. For the family photo the photographer shouted "all the Smiths now" and they all went in and then the mother! and the sibs started yelling "John, not you, you're the milkman's, you're not a real Smith, har har har". It was not funny to anyone (bar the immediate family) listening and it wasn't funny to the sib who had been the subject of this teasing all his life.

You do need to nip this in the bud. the next time he does this, get up, pick up your dd, call a taxi or take the car and go home. Tell him you will leave any gathering or place where he even jokingly denies his daughter.

I hope he has redeeming features.

Well your last post is different , you need a serious chat with him

By the way his elder DD visits to form a relationship with her DF . Your place is not somewhere she goes to give her DM a break.

Your partner is being deliberately hurtful in repeatedly making you the butt of his infantile jokes; he is publicly humiliating you, and your daughter, by his lack of respect.
Tell him forcefully,when you are alone, to stop it because it upsets you; if he continues, tell him in public again how much he is upsetting you; that will at least deprive him of his audience and the cheap laughs he craves.
Unpleasant, but it has to be stopped.
And ignore the jibes about not having a sense of humour, can't take a joke etc.

I think it's really interesting how so many of the responses to the op are along the lines of she should make a joke back about how she probably did shag someone else has he has a limp willy.

Seriously? Is this how we deal with problems in a relationship? I tried dancing around issues for decades and it got me precisely no where but miserable, angry and resentful.

If someone is upsetting you, tell them. If they care about you, if the relationship is worth anything, they will at least listen, try to understand and try to do better.

If they won't listen, couldn't care less, and don't change I would leave them. Why waste your one precious life with someone who deliberately acts to upset you?

I'd get a dna test.
I know 5 families where parentage was in question. In 2 of those families the child was passed off as the husbands biological child, 1 of those 2 kids was passed off until they were over 30 and demanded the truth and a test.
I can't tell you the damage it did to that person because they felt they were always treated differently from other siblings.

So for your daughter's sake I'd slap the test results in front of him and have a firm discussion about equal treatment of his daughters. Also he needs to learn to speak directly about his own feeings not use humour when they are that important. He also needs to listen when you talk about how you feel.

OP - My heart goes out to you. Your DP's comments are passive-aggression of the highest order and don't let anyone, him included, diminish the power of them. You're certainly feeling how powerful they are; hold him to account. I wish you the very best.

Thank you all. I just feel as though a lot is expected of me and I don't get a lot of thanks.

Last night was the last straw. He would never make comments like that about his older DD as his ex would've probably strung him up. I've told him again and again that his comments are disrespectful and demeaning to DD and myself. DSD should be spending time with DP but her mum just seems to want rid of her all of the time. Shes had her a grand total of 5 days and nights since the holidays started on the 19th of last night yet DP is still paying her maintenance! I'm having to use the megre wages from my waitressing job to pay for food for her take her swimming etc etc.

You need to pull him up on it when he does it, regardless of where you are. He really needs to step up as he is treating you and dd in an appalling manner.

I would have one last chat with him and firmly state that you will not be spoken about like that anymore and if he continues to do so then he is risking your relationship.