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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Travelling with HB abroad however teenage daughter not keen.

235 replies

MaartjeB · 02/06/2014 13:49

How can I convince my daughter to come with HB and myself without her constantly saying : I'm not going!
We'll be going to UAE and there are some amazing places over there.
Of course there might be some negative points but I like to believe the positive points outbalance them.
Does anyone have experience of travelling with a teenage daughter?
She has her friends here etc....It's a big chance . How to make moving abroad exciting for her?

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 02/06/2014 13:53

How old is "teenage" in this case? If she's 17 or 18 you might have to go without her. Also, is "HB" your husband? I can see where she's coming from personally. I wouldn't want either myself or my daughter in a country where women are second class citizens.

mumblechum1 · 02/06/2014 13:55

So you'd actually be moving there rather than just visiting on holiday?

I can absolutely see why a British teenager would prefer not to live somewhere like that.

WilsonFrickett · 02/06/2014 13:56

Are you travelling or moving, and what does HB mean please?

WooWooOwl · 02/06/2014 13:56

She's a teenager, life is getting exciting for her already, and the way she sees it, she will have more fun and excitement with friends she already has.

How old a teenager are we talking about here?

Tbh, you don't know that the positives will outweigh the negatives for her, as much as they may do for you. I'm possibly biased because I was moved away from my home as a teenager, and it made me miserable for about a year. Even when I'd settled I was no better off than I had been before. Sometimes parents like to convince themselves that what is best for them much automatically be best for their children, but it just doesn't work like that.

juneau · 02/06/2014 13:59

Is HB your husband?
Is he your DD's father?
How old is she?
Is she an only DC?

I can understand her fear at being forced to move away from her friends, extended family and all she holds dear, can't you? A 'great opportunity' for adults can mean something very different for a teenager who is slowly stretching their wings and finding out who they are and where they fit in life. I'm guessing her opportunities will be severely curtailed by living in the UAE. Will she have anything like the freedom she has/can look forward to having as a teenager in England? Will you have to live on an expat compound? Will she be able to learn to drive? She won't know a soul to start with - that's really scary for anyone - let alone a teen who won't even have a sibling to moan to and/or hang out with.

cutefluffybunnes · 02/06/2014 13:59

I can't understand why she would want to avoid a holiday there... sun, spas, shopping... I'm sure it would be fun.

But if you're planning to MOVE there... I'm with your DD. No way.

What does she give as her reasons? If she both doesn't want to the leave the UK, and doesn't like the destination, then you're unlikely to convince her!

diddl · 02/06/2014 14:02

I wouldn't want to holiday or move there(covers both bases)

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 02/06/2014 14:04

I don't blame her and you can't convince her.

My Dsis lived in Abu Dhabi for a few years - it is a very shallow superficial life and personally I don't think it is a lifelong destination. It made for a fairytale life for my sister - a maid, on tap babysitter, westerners are so lazy they just toot outside the shops whilst the workers run around getting their stuff together - totally mad and self indulgent. Her DH's job came to an end and they and their 2 children came back to the UK. I think their marriage may have lasted another year but her DH couldn't hack being back down to Earth and now lives there again with his new girlfriend.

A holiday fine........to live, no thanks.

And I haven't even touched on the more political reasons.

Bunbaker · 02/06/2014 14:10

Could you clarify whether you are moving abroad or just travelling there on holiday. I assume HB is husband? Also, how old is your daughter?

I have a teenage daughter who doesn't have a huge circle of friends. If we were to up sticks and move elsewhere she would really struggle to fit into another social friendship group, so I can understand your daughter's reluctance to move.

elQuintoConyo · 02/06/2014 14:13

Who? What? When? How long? How old?

And why WOULD a teenager want to go to UAE?

Theodorous · 02/06/2014 14:14

This op must be new. You never, ever, ever admit to living in or travelling to the Middle East. All the people who live in surburbia and never do anything with their lives crawl out and make all sorts of claims, many of which are rubbish. Change it to a poor country and they will all lick your boots regardless of the human rights issues. Delete this thread op.

BlameItOnTheMoonlight · 02/06/2014 14:15

Nope, don't blame her either. Sorry.

magpiegin · 02/06/2014 14:19

Is it a holiday or to live? How old is she?

WooWooOwl · 02/06/2014 14:22

That's a bit harsh Theodorus! I agree with your sentiment, but I don't think this really has much to do with the OPs choice of country, despite some posters trying to make it so.

I think it's unfair to move a teenager away from their home and their life to go to any destination, so for me the fact that we are talking about UAE is irrelevant.

PrimalLass · 02/06/2014 14:25

I don't blame her. My brothers grew up in the ME and it is very insular.

Theodorous · 02/06/2014 14:29

Obviously it is not relevant but will be twisted by the bitter brigade

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2014 14:30

Theodorous am I allowed to not love the ME when I have traveled there, currently live in a country not of my birth and just got back form three weeks of independent travel in China? I also lived in another country as a teen so presumably I am well placed to comment. Some people are not parochial and still are a little Hmm about Dubai.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 02/06/2014 14:37

If I was a teenage girl the last place I would want to move to is the Middle East.

Theodorous · 02/06/2014 14:43

I can't think of anything worse than China. I hated every single second of the place. I haven't really spent much time in Dubai but would far prefer that to filthy old China.

whynowblowwind · 02/06/2014 14:45

Travelling with your parents as a teenager isn't fun. Mine took us around Europe as teenagers and it was bloody awful for both parties!

AnnieLobeseder · 02/06/2014 14:48

There is no way on god's green earth I would expose my daughter to the misogyny (and in some areas, slave culture) of the Arab Middle East. I don't blame your daughter for one minute for not wanting to go. Sure, it will open her eyes to how some other parts of the world work, but why on earth would a teenager want to move to a totally different culture when she's at the age when it's difficult enough to get to grips with the culture you've grown up in?

What if something awful should happen, god forbid? Are you aware than if your DD is assaulted there, there will be nothing you could do about it? She may even be punished if you report it. You and she would have no human rights. Why would any sane woman willingly subject herself to that?

I fail to see why only middle-class non-travellers should hold objections to the Middle East. I lived there for 6 years (in a country which does actually consider women fully human), have travelled the rest of the world extensively and speak three languages. But I would never set foot in most Arab countries. Not that they'd let me in anyway Hmm...

ThreeLannistersOneTargaryen · 02/06/2014 14:51

I assumed that HB is half-brother.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2014 14:52

Way to spectacularly miss the point of my post Theo.

PrimalLass · 02/06/2014 14:53

I assumed that HB is half-brother.

Hus-Band.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 02/06/2014 14:54

I would consider Dubai, just about but not UAE under any circumstances. These are not women friendly cultures, in the UAE her freedom would be very curtailed you can't go out and meet friends for a coffee or be seen unaccompanied or drive,and so on. UAE is one of the most gender segregated places on earth.

I have friends who lived out there and it has put them off that part of the world for life (UAE, not Dubai, the one friend I have in Dubai doesn't mind it). Nothing would voluntarily make me take my teenage dd there.