Travelling with HB abroad however teenage daughter not keen.

[MaartjeB]

How can I convince my daughter to come with HB and myself without her constantly saying : I'm not going!
We'll be going to UAE and there are some amazing places over there.
Of course there might be some negative points but I like to believe the positive points outbalance them.
Does anyone have experience of travelling with a teenage daughter?
She has her friends here etc....It's a big chance . How to make moving abroad exciting for her?

sunclassique "I've long suspected, based on hearing many a patronising and belittling comment about the Arab world, that many British people in particular are outraged that the Arabs of the former Protectorates have the temerity to be doing well for themselves and building cities out of the desert. (When they really should be doing the decent thing, scrabbling a life out of the sand, kowtowing to their former colonial masters, and looking to the UK for continued economic guidance.) Every time I hear Dubai described as "vulgar" and come across another snide article/comment about the UAE's maid-employing, 4 x 4 driving, shallow denizens, I think "but it wouldn't be vulgar if it was in Surrey, now would it"?"

Wow, generalise much? I am only vaguely British since I have lived most of my life abroad in various countries and certainly don't subscribe to the "colonial" viewpoint you describe. I am baffled as to why you think I would have any objection to any nation doing well for themselves, except that much of the Arab world (and the OP still hasn't said where in the ME they would be going) is hugely oppressive to women and built on the back of desperate migrant workers who are treated absolutely appallingly. This is basic truth, not Daily Mail hysteria. I would have no interest in being part of an economy built on such inequality.

Every time I hear Dubai described as "vulgar" and come across another snide article/comment about the UAE's maid-employing, 4 x 4 driving, shallow denizens, I think "but it wouldn't be vulgar if it was in Surrey, now would it"?"

Yes, it would. You should hear the poor 4x4 drivers on here. They really get a hard time.

Not UAE but my ds was given no choice but emigrating in the 60s to Australia when 17. She never ever wanted to go, but got married had family etc there. Dm and dd came back 17 years later.Last year she admitted that she was resentful of dm and dd for taking her from her life, friends and family.
I would think twice about uprooting a teenager (esp to UAE,but that would be my choice)

Going by this thread OP, I wouldn't be keen to move to the UAE because it seems to make the people who live there very angry.

Happily for the UAE, the opinions of a bunch of sheltered, insular, frightened middle-class suburbanites on a site like Mumsnet really don't appear to be making a dent in its economic, cultural and social progress. The UAE is undoubtedly better off without their post-colonial bitterness.

What colour/nationality is your maid? I bet she is not European, I bet she earns a pittance compared to you.

Most of Dubai was built on slave labour, not the kind you see in 12 years a slave, the kind where someone (often Indian) is told there is building work and they can earn a fortune, but when they arrive their passport is taken away and they have 'accommodation' and other expenses taken from their wage, leaving them with no choice but to stay until the end of their contract because if they form a union or go on strike they are breaking the law.

Why are you paying school fees? Don't you want your 'well rounded' children mixing with the locals?

OP never came back then?

You can't send your child to a local government school unless there is no alternative within 50 km of your house. Their rules.

Dubai is one of the United Arab Emirates (the others being Abu Dhabi, Sharjah, Ras al Khaima, Fujeira, Ajman and Um l Quwain) and isn't actually gender segregated at all for non Muslims - and not as bad as many other Gulf countries for Muslims. Women can drive, women can work, they can go out in public with a man who is not their relative. It is a very westernised Emirate with alcohol available, although the legal age to drink is 21 (same as USA).
Although it is technically illegal to live together if you are not married, it happens a lot within the Western ex-pats lives.

Don't confuse Saudi (where women can't drive, have to cover up, can't mix with members of the opposite sex who are not related etc etc) with UAE.

Goodness gracious, HB is quite obviously husband, which as a lot less twee that DH.

than DH

HB means husband. Sorry , for the confusion. My daughter is 14 years old.

That's it OP? Blimey, that's a lot of thread for you and not a lot of feedback from you...

Hi whereyouleftit,

I've been a bit vague,my apologies.
HB stands for my husband,I didn't mean to confuse anyone. I thought that's what's being used on these Forums for husband. My mistake, I'm new to this website,so please bear with me.

I used the word "chance",which is also a typing error :(,so embarrassing .
I'm not familiar yet with the smiley list either.
It was meant to be "change"because of the climate and also the interaction with people might be slightly different over there. Not in a bad way. I always like to think positive.
Thanks for your reply :)

I'm happy that I received replies and on second thought DH is much more appropriate that HB,lol.

I'm not here to criticize anyone,whether from UAE or elsewhere in the world. People unfortunately get mistreated also in the UK but that's beyond the point. Besides UAE give also their money to Western countries but that's beyond the point, too.

I wanted to know if anyone actually knows what kind of schools there are for a 14 year old girl and NO WAY my daughter isn't going to get forced in some kind of marriage. I'm kind of shocked to hear all these things. :(

Bad stuff happens in London. Stabbing on a daily basis,rape,theft, insults shall I go on? Here in London you get people working on a below minimal wage as a slave and as prostitutes.:(

I wasn't asking what bad stuff is happening there , not that I don't mind to get told , that's only a good thing. But there's good and bad on every continent in the world whether we like it or not.

I wish I could change nasty stuff and inequalities in all societies but that takes a lot of like minded people , commitment, determination and skill.
And if you are of the opinion that it's a lot of thread and a little feedback from me than so be it!

I don't have the luxury to sit behind my computer any time of day !
I work and earn a living,too. So please be patient before jumping to conclusions so quickly. :/

Thanks for that Desertmum :)

Finally, some positive people on the thread.
I'm pleased that women have more rights and I truly hope that the women in Saudia Arabia will have the rights that they deserve sooner rather than later,too.
Equality and justice for all . Too many countries in the world lack this motto.
An injustice anywhere in the world is a thread to justice anywhere in the world.

I'm still confused about the circumstances, are you among on moving?

Planning!

There's plenty of international schools in the UAE which tend to be of a vary high standard but I think they're all private. I'm not sure about state international schools. There's a very strong westernised population in the UAE and it tends to be very safe. I think a teenager would have a fantastic time out there as the lifestyle is very good! There's restrictions on clothing in certain places but it's not as bad as people often think. However, I can totally understand why a teenager (or anyone for that matter) might not want to go. It is quite different to the UK.

There are government schools, only for Emiratis, and there are private schools. That's it.

Lots of curriculums to choose from. French, Canadian, American, German, British, Indian, Fiipina, Pakistani. You name it.

There is a greater choice of schools in Dubai compared to the other Emirates as it's a lot bigger. People tend to chose schools depending on the area they live in, it's reputation and whether they have spaces. The oldest schools are Jumairah English speaking school, Dubai English speaking school and Dubai college. They are very popular, but difficult to get in to.

Well, just to answer your question, I'm not sure you can make it exciting for her. At 14, she may not have a lot of choice about going (although perhaps if she's really determined she'll find a way to stay here) but I think at that age, taking her away from everything she knows and making her much more reliant on you when she's trying to develop independence won't be welcomed.

I don't think you can compare the inequalities in London to the inequalities in UAE either.

My kids were born and grew up there and loved it. They are far more culturally aware than many of the kids here in UK, speak a smattering of odd languages and know about other religions, cultural differences and how to behave in different cultural circumstances. They have friends who live all over the world, which makes for some awesome holidays.

Moving to a place such as Dubai with teenagers is I think easier than moving within UK at that age. In ex-pat countries all the kids know what it is like to move around and change country and school and have to make new friends. They are used to new people arriving and best friends leaving and as such make an effort to include the newbie in what is going on socially. In UK, where many people have lived in the same place all their lives, it can be much harder to integrate.
There are some excellent schools in Dubai (Dubai College being the top one) - check out the GEMS schools - but they are expensive, so make sure Dh gets schooling paid as part of his package. Plus health care.

There is a lot to do in UAE - interesting places to visit, amazing architecture, interesting older areas, concerts, Dubai Rugby 7's every year - a must go to, the Dubai World Cup - another must go to, sailing, hashing, tennis, horse riding, cricket, hockey, netball, rugby, the list goes on.

Yes, people have maids, just like in UK people have cleaners, au pairs, nannies etc. But now that Dubai is so commercial many more women work than when I first went there. Dubai can be as exepsnvise as you want it to be with 200 gbp Chapmagne Brunches on the weekend, but not everyone lives like that. For the majority life overseas is like life at home, kids go to school, mum/dad goes to work, dogs have to walked, homework done, shopping, cooking etc. But with all that you get a wonderful multi-cultural mix of people who are happy to share their culture with you. No-one cares (well most of people) if their neighbours are British or Indian or Sri Lankan or Emirati. Kids grow up with no idea of a colour barrier, and often if you ask where their friends are from, they say they don't know as it doesn't impact their friendship.

Sorry, this has been long, but I LOVE the Middle East - if your daugther asked my kids should she go - they would shout YES so loudly you would be able to hear it from here! She will have a wonderful time, meet awesome people and learn so much about the rest of the world.

Hope this helps

You really need to put aside all the other posters concerns about UAE, it's irrelevant unless your daughter has told you the reason she won't go is because of human rights and treatment of women.

I suspect a 14 year old wouldn't want to be moved away from her friends and her life no matter where you go. And what about her exams? Surely she's either doing GCSEs by now or she's about to start?

I think it's incredibly selfish to move a teenager abroad at this time in their lives unless they really want to go.

Do it while they're still children, or do it when they're older and independent, but don't do it at this age. Mid teens don't last long enough to have them messed up by short sighted parents.

My parents moved abroad when I was 14. I didn't want to go,so stayed here and lived with my friend's family. I joined them when I'd finished my schooling.

Children do actually survive country moves - it happens all the time without messing them up. Education in UAE is better than many of the school on offer in UK, smaller class sizes, better facilities etc. They offer GCSE's, IGCSE's, AS and A2 level, and IB. So a huge choice.

Maybe this move will offer them a better standard of living than they have now, or maybe it will offer the same, but with an added richness of the benefits of living overseas.

Maart, can you go out for a visit before making a final decision so she can see what it is like ? This might make her more keen.

depending on the age though, a 'normal' teenager in the UK might wear hot pants and a crop top and drink cider in the park. Snog randoms and generally do stuff that would be an issue in the UAE

MrsTerryPratchett - Yes the teenager and the parents could get into a lot of trouble for the above, but it doesn’t for one second mean that kids in Dubai don’t do the above. They do. A lot. The normal teenager behaviour you mention above, goes on daily in the UAE, in Dubai and Abu D certainly (am not so familiar with the other emirates), and have never seen or heard of or read about any child or parent prosecuted for it.

It’s like saying a teenager in the UK could get raped and mugged walking home from the bus stop of an evening. It can happen. It does happen. But it’s not the norm, or something that is to be expected. Muggings and rape don’t define the UK any more than teenagers getting prosecuted or hassled for acting like teenagers defines the UAE.

Like any country we live in, we learn the lay of the land and adapt to it. One has to be a LOT more street savvy in the UK because of the risk of personal bodily harm, and in the UAE one might have to find a more discreet place for a quick snog. But overall, we're fairly safe in the UK from axe wielding maniacs, and fairly safe in the UAE that a teenager won't get hauled off for acting like a teenager.

I actually think teenagers in the UAE look happier, act happier, seem more confident and self-assured than kids in the UK. My biggest worry about taking a teenager (or child even) to live in the UAE would be ensuring they don't develop a sense of entitlement or become spoiled expat brats, as that happens all too easily when typical expat families can afford maids, drivers, gardeners, pool boys, leaf picker upperers etc.

Seriously OP, the biggest dilemmas you are likely to face with your 14 yr old daughter in Dubai are explaining to her that's it's not that hot, that she can easily walk to the metro to get to the mall, and that she doesn't need that taxi she swears she is entitled to. Or things like getting her to wash the family car/load the dishwasher/tidy her room/earn her pocket money when she says "but why should I, that's what we have a maid for".

If you have any specific questions, I would be happy to answer them if I can.