Travelling with HB abroad however teenage daughter not keen.

[MaartjeB]

How can I convince my daughter to come with HB and myself without her constantly saying : I'm not going!
We'll be going to UAE and there are some amazing places over there.
Of course there might be some negative points but I like to believe the positive points outbalance them.
Does anyone have experience of travelling with a teenage daughter?
She has her friends here etc....It's a big chance . How to make moving abroad exciting for her?

You may not agree with what I wrote, but that isn't sweeping the class disparities of India under the carpet. I explicitly mentioned the extreme class disparities in India - but I suppose, if you have a point to make, facts don't matter.

Yeah, yeah - a middle-class ex-pat accusing a working-class immigrant of being a Daily Fail bigot. Nice one. You must be so proud.

I'm done here. Far from convincing us that Dubai is a glorious wonderland, your efforts and those of a couple of others have put me off even further, if people like you are what it produces in its expat community.

gosh, what a lot of hate for Dubai and those who live there. I too recommend expatwoman.com - full of sensible advise from people who live in the Middle East and see it in it's true light - warts and all. It is one of the most amazing places in the world - I love it, despite it's problems. The absolute, complete and utter silence you get when you are in the middle of the desert is awesome, it calms the soul - or does mine anyway.

MeltedLolly and Sunclassique talk sense - listen to those who have lived there, rather than those who have visited or read the Daily Mail - who do so love to bash Dubai at every opportunity.

but why do you feel it’s ok for you to point out, and rightly so, that your son can visit India and doesn't have to be exposed to all the negativity of class disparity, vulgar wealth, won't come back as a spoiled expat-brat "prince", yet you can’t hear that the same is possible in Dubai.

I don’t actually think Dubai is a glorious wonderland. I already said I find some aspects of the place very difficult to defend. What I can’t stand though is people who know nothing about the place judging it wrongly, or people who have spent 2 night there, in a hotel on the beach, acting like they know how life there is.

I have the exact same issues with people who have had one holiday in London telling me how crime ridden and unsafe and dirty and unfriendly the UK is. The UK is not just London, and a 4 night city break does not an expert make.

FFS people could you stop arguing amongst yourselves and maybe offer some advice to the OP on how to make moving abroad more palatable to her daughter? Y'know, the OP - the person who started this thread as a way of soliciting advice? You all seem to have experience of being an expat, maybe you could apply that experience and be helpful to the OP, rather than sniping at each other and/or bewailing the woes of the world? FFS. I don't think I've ever seen a thread so derailed/hijacked as this one!

gosh, what a lot of hate for Dubai and those who live there. I too recommend expatwoman.com - full of sensible advise from people who live in the Middle East and see it in it's true light - warts and all

lol, am I the only one worried the OP will go to EW and stumble on to a Thursday evening thread, lol.

AS someone who has had children as an expat i have read that little children cope with moving well but unless there are other factors you should try very hard not to move around once puberty has started

Melted - well if it's a bit of a bun fight she will feel at home after being on MN! Just hope it's not a classic about locking their maids in after 5pm to stop them prostituting themselves . . ..

oh, and the thing about the twattish people who live in Dubai and think they are something special ? They would be exactly the same wherever they lived . . . but overall Dubai is full of OK people - you just have to avoid the twats - same the world over really.

I cannot imagine why any Western teenage girl would want more than a holiday in UAE. I agree with all the reasons already given but I cannot imagine why you and your dh think it is a good idea.

have you lived in Dubai or any of the Gulf countries Thegreylady ?

Sorry , to hear that DH went to live there with his girlfriend.
How sad is that
Thank you for all your info.

I can't comment on UAE as I know very little about it. But I do think it is probably the worst possible time to ask your daughter to up sticks and move to another country with a different education system, possibly different qualifications etc. surely she'll be in the middle of a programme of study at her current school and to move her now could disrupt her education badly. If she was younger then it wouldn't have so much impact but to move her now, unless you really have no option, is unfair on her, IMO.

Whereyouleftit,

Thanks for that!!!
True , there are a couple of sincere answers but most are prejudged ,prejudiced answers.
It would be more helpful ,if you don't know anything about a place to say simply that.
Have a lovely evening!!! :)

Mind you there are schools over there following the British schooling system.
So,with that information, I thought it would be quite easy.
Thanks for your advice,suggestion,opinion.
:)

WhereYouLeftIt You can't have been on MN that long if you think this is a derailed thread.

I've posted three times on this thread and one was to point the OP in the direction of a really helpful website- one that was absolutely invaluable to me when I first moved here- and to offer my informed view that her daughter would be happy here. Those of us who live in the UAE have been trying to refute the many posts which were full of scare stories and inaccuracies. In my book, that would count as helpful, not hijacking. Plus, we're not "arguing amongst ourselves". Those of us who live in the UAE are completely in agreement with each other. We're just (understandably) frustrated with the people who continue to argue inaccuracies.

My children are too small to be the "teenage daughter" referred to in the post, so it might be better for others with daughters of the right age to offer their views on whether in theory a 14 year old should be moved from anywhere to anywhere else, specific geography aside or whether she should be allowed to hold the overall happiness and economic wellbeing of the whole family hostage because of her transient teenage friendships

thegreylady, why don't you tell us how long you've spent in Dubai? Since you know so much about it to "not be able to imagine" why any Western teenage girl would not want to live here?

Maartjeb - is it your husband who has gone over with his girlfriend ? If so, I am really sorry to hear that and hope you and your daughter are ok.

OP if your daughter is in the British system there are a host of schools which offer that curriculum: GCSE etc. Also US, Canadian, French Bac, International Bac, you name it, it's here. Kids transfer in and out of Dubai all the time so teachers are well used to helping kids to adapt and catch up.

The standard of education is higher than in the UK in general- the kids are expected to achieve more. Your daughter might have to work a bit harder to catch up the first year- happened to the 13 year old daughter of friends of mine who moved here- but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Some schools are more academic, some more sporty. Another friend of mine transferred her (Australian) boy to a different school because their emphasis was more on sport. Really, there are some fantastic options here.

The advice to send her to boarding school is ill-informed since she can follow exactly the same curriculum in the UAE- after all she'd still be changing schools, wouldn't she? As for living with relatives while you and your husband move here, well, that's just nonsense. I interact all the time with people who have just moved here (newbies at work). They bring kids of all ages. It's a bit of a hassle at first and then generally everyone settles down and loves it.

Perhaps try a dry run? Many companies here will pay for you and your family to come out on a "recce" to see how they like it.

Oh and if by any chance your husband is a pilot considering coming to work for Emirates, don't hesitate for one second to get you and her on that plane. The EK pilots really get the most wonderful packages for all the family! Plus she'd have practically free flights to go back and see those friends whenever she liked!

I don't know who other than me suggested boarding school.

I suggested it as making the real choice clear. she doesn't have a choice (unless OP stays) of staying in her present school (I assume). So the only options are: change to a new boarding school in the UK or change to a new school in UAE. I find sometimes with teenagers discussing the real nitty gritty, including fees and whether they will be paid/how much will be paid can help them get over the knee jerk reaction.

I'd also look at things like Uniform, other opportunities, being away from home, prospect of trips to the Far East from UEA or whatever. Discuss keeping in touch by skype, investigate with her the opportunities to pursue her interests etc.

I do know one family who were considering moving to the UAE, but decided to send their DD to a British Boarding school - because they didn't feel the International schools offered enough opportunities for her Musical development. This need was better met in a British, pretty specialist boarding school. On the other hand I would assume that a budding Tennis star could be better served in the UAE.

It's initially for one year's contract my HB( husband) as been offered a job there. My daughter is 14 yrs. old. I see it as s n opportunity to see & experience an other country & culture.

Thanks a million !
It's a struggle with my daughter & quite a big challenge.
At the end if the day we are her parents & see has to do what we tell her.
I wish I could put this as easily in practice in my real life as writing this as a reply.:(
Wish me luck ! I hate the idea of staying here whilst Hubby goes abroad alone because my daughter doesn't want to ho .

Some people will overlook a great deal if the pay is good enough and they don't pay tax. Such comments as it's ok to be gay as long ad long ad you don't advertise it and mean spirited, snide comments about housewives and frightened suburbanites speak volumes about the charms of the expat Brits. They'd be enough to put me off, but living somewhere that one's natural sexual orientation is illegal would be unconscionable. Not everyone can be bought.

Well lots of gay people here clearly can.

It is unfortunate that it is just for a year's contract. I certainly wouldn't move DD for just one year at 14, won't she be starting her two year GCSE courses in September?

Splitting the family up IME is very lonely for everyone and brings a lot of stress. We are facing two years of living in different countries due to DH's work, we can't see a way around it as he will be in the middle of nowhere and DD is doing A levels.

Gosh, and I thought the Australia threads on mumsnet got nasty!

I can only offer an opinion on moving with a teenager not moving to UAE. I have holidayed in Dubai, and loved it, but living there wouldn't be for us (although cousin and her family lived there for 4 years, enjoyed it but were glad to leave). However, we have just moved from UK to NZ with a 13 year old who was adamant he didn't want to go. 2 weeks on he is settling at school and has joined a football club and is no more of a grumpy teenager than he was in the uk. It seems a smelly bedroom and an x box is the same wherever you are in the world.