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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want PIL to kiss DD on the mouth

456 replies

Balistapus · 16/04/2014 23:19

I know some families do this, kissing children on the mouth, but I think it's wrong.

PIL came for a visit last week and when they left they both kissed DD, 8 months, on the mouth. I was too shocked to say anything, but feel very uncomfortable about it.

How/ when do I broach the subject with them?

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 16/04/2014 23:21

Why do you think it's wrong ? A kiss on the lips from a relative is totally different to an "adult" kiss

thebodydoestricks · 16/04/2014 23:24

Well as long as tongues weren't used don't worry.

Seriously it happens. I was a cm and the kids sometimes kissed me goodbye on the lips before I could dodge my head to give them the cheek.

I kissed my babies all over their faces.

It's fine. Before long your dd will dodge when she wants to.

Unless they have a cold sore what's the problem.

ladydepp · 16/04/2014 23:24

My FIL used to kiss me on the mouth until I learned to dodge him. Yuck. YANBU - but I don't know how you tell someone not to when they're family.....

Nunyabiz · 16/04/2014 23:26

I agree...they are grandparents. I don't see any harm in it. They are close relatives. I kiss my Dd on the mouth (she's almost 3) in fact she holds my face on her hands so I can't escape the mouth kiss! Lol.
The only reason I would be annoyed is if they had a cold sore.

ParkingFred · 16/04/2014 23:27

I am in the 'yuck' camp.

Only person I kiss on the lips is dh. My mum always used to try and kiss me on the lips but I have managed to re-train her.

gilliangoof · 16/04/2014 23:28

Yabu. It sounds like you are just looking for things to get annoyed with them about.

Original poster
Balistapus · 16/04/2014 23:30

I think kisses on the mouth are only ever romantic kisses. No-one kissed me on the mouth when I was a child and I would have been mortified if they had tried to. I see it as my daughter's right to decide who she kisses on the lips.

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 16/04/2014 23:30

Did they have cold sores?

Shinyshoes2 · 16/04/2014 23:31

What in earth is wrong with him kissing your child on the mouth ... He's the child's grandparent .. I still kiss my eldest on the mouth and he's nearly 17...

odyssey2001 · 16/04/2014 23:32

How sad. I kiss my son on the lips and he kisses me back. I don't expect him to do it when he is a teenager but he will always be welcome to.

TaytoCrisp · 16/04/2014 23:33

I don't think it is wrong, but I'm not keen on lip kisses apart from DH. Though I agree it would be very hard to broach - I would probably wait until my little one naturally turns away from lip kisses if they arent keen.

Twooter · 16/04/2014 23:33

Yuck from me too

tmae · 16/04/2014 23:34

I don't like it either to be honest, not because I would think it was anything dodgy, I have just always despised it since I was a child. I remember when it used to happen and I would wait until no one was looking to wipe my mouth because it horrified me so much. So I wouldn't want people to kiss my DS on the mouth either.

thebodydoestricks · 16/04/2014 23:34

Might be a bit different though lady unless you were 8 months old when you were married? Grin

partialderivative · 16/04/2014 23:38

I kiss my daughters on the lips.

Tbh I can't remember if my adult relatives did the same when I was a toddler, but I imagine so.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

Sandthorn · 16/04/2014 23:38

YY gilliangoof. Is this really worth getting upset about, or is it just not quite the way you go about things?

Original poster
Balistapus · 16/04/2014 23:44

These posts confirm that many children don't like to be kissed on the lips and avoid it as soon as they can.

I'd also be intrigued to know from the posters who still kiss their older boys on the mouth if their fathers also kiss them on the mouth? If not, why not?

OP posts:
deakymom · 16/04/2014 23:46

8 months? i wouldn't do that what if they milky burp? under the chin is best lots of giggles

17leftfeet · 16/04/2014 23:48

But that's how small children kiss isn't it?

bringbacksideburns · 16/04/2014 23:48

This thread is about a baby though. I think it's sad that the OP feels 'shocked' that they dared kiss the grandchild they clearly adore on the mouth.

I'm sure in a few years time if your child is as clearly uncomfortable as you are they will keep their distance.

If you come from a tactile family with lots of hugs and 'love you's' you don't tend to mind a quick peck - i don't feel comfortable particularly hugging and kissing people at work for example at Christmas but i'd never feel shocked at home!

17leftfeet · 16/04/2014 23:49

A peck on the lips?

It was just a peck on the lips wasn't it?

squoosh · 16/04/2014 23:53

YABU and projecting weird sexual connotations onto an innocent kiss from a grandparent to a baby.

You sound weird.

Casmama · 16/04/2014 23:55

Can't remember grandparents kissing me on the lips but my parents certainly did and then I got to an age where I didn't like it, maybe 7 I think but could be wrong, so made it clear I'd rather kiss on the cheek. No big deal.
In fact it's funny now because my parents are obviously so well trained now that my dad tries very hard to avoid my DS trying to kiss him on the lips but it just makes DS (4.8) try harder!

So YABU - your PIL have a relationship with your children that is independent of you and you don't get to dictate all the terms of it.

bringbacksideburns · 16/04/2014 23:57

And your use of the term 'wrong' is strange in it's context too.

slithytove · 16/04/2014 23:58

DH and I kiss our son (1year) on the lips and he kisses us back. He clearly loves it too as evidenced by his frequent attempts to slip us the tongue
If at any point he wants me to stop, I will.
I also still kiss both of my parents on the lips.

I have no issue with loved ones kissing my kids on the lips for as long as the kids are willing. You say your see it as your daughters right to decide - but at 8 months she doesn't decide much! The same could apply to any sort of physical contact really.

It is up to you how much this bothers you. If it makes you terribly uncomfortable then perhaps a gentle nudge towards kissing on the cheek is all PIL need.

Funnily enough there was a thread about this on NM just the other day. Opinions were divided down the middle and it seemed to be dependent on upbringing for the most part. I don't think anyone is right or wrong.