Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want PIL to kiss DD on the mouth

456 replies

Balistapus · 16/04/2014 23:19

I know some families do this, kissing children on the mouth, but I think it's wrong.

PIL came for a visit last week and when they left they both kissed DD, 8 months, on the mouth. I was too shocked to say anything, but feel very uncomfortable about it.

How/ when do I broach the subject with them?

OP posts:
thebodydoestricks · 17/04/2014 10:12

windchime ok so how would you word a request to the pil then to tell them to stop doing this without sounding like you are accusing them of being inappropriate?

Tell the op.

maras2 · 17/04/2014 10:12

We're lip kissers . DD aged 38 and DS aged 32 both kiss me and their dad like this; always have done .However if you don't like it then just ask them not to do it as politely as you can .

Original poster
Balistapus · 17/04/2014 10:13

No-one in my family lip kisses children. DH does not lip kiss DD and doesn't feel comfortable with his parents doing it either. I would have no problem telling my own mother not to do something I consider inappropriate.

OP posts:
CheckpointCharlie · 17/04/2014 10:21

It gives me the heebie jeebies TBH so I don't think you are BU at all.

But how to tell them that........ Dunno, that's a tricky one.

thebodydoestricks · 17/04/2014 10:21

Well get your dh to tell them then. Why would you get involved.

snowgirl1 · 17/04/2014 10:28

For the last time, I 'm not asking which side of the line your opinion is on, I was asking how do you broach an issue where you're on opposite sides of the line.

You posted in AIBU To not want PIL to kiss DD on the mouth

So you were asking people if you were being unreasonable and you've had lots of people saying you are, so stop complaining about them giving you their opinion after asking for it. You obviously expected a different response.

Oh, and in answer to your question YABU.

Original poster
Balistapus · 17/04/2014 10:37

The body - what should he say to them?

Snowgirl - I accept that the title is canvassing opinions, but I clarified this on page 2 and subsequent posts. I should have written 'AIBU To ask Pl to not kiss, etc. ' My attempt to be brief muddied my intended meaning.

OP posts:
Original poster
Balistapus · 17/04/2014 10:39

I think DH is just going to have to say ' can I ask you not to kiss DD on the lips as we both feel uncomfortable with that'

And we'll just have to live with any consequences of that.

OP posts:
SweetSilverSongOfALark · 17/04/2014 10:44

And we'll just have to live with any consequences of that.

Yep. As long as you think it will be worth it.

I am always one, in life, to think carefully about which battles I choose to pick.

BunniesBurneze · 17/04/2014 10:45

Yanbu.

It makes me laugh because my nieces are used to kissing on the mouth and I have to dodge them!!

I kiss the tops of their heads now to avoid it all.

My parents have started kissing my son on the mouth, it's weird but when he's old enough he'll dodge.

Martorana · 17/04/2014 10:46

Fair enough. So long as you realise the consequences might be heartbroken grandparents feeling, quite reasonably, that they have been accused of sexually abusing their grandchildren. (Because they have been).

BunniesBurneze · 17/04/2014 10:46

I think yabu to say something though.

squoosh · 17/04/2014 10:52

Could lead to massively hurt feelings on the grandparents part, and I wouldn't blame them. Basically telling them what they're doing is inappropriate behaviour.

thebodydoestricks · 17/04/2014 10:53

Balistapus

Already said that you most Definatly not say anything.

You now say that your dh doesn't like it either so if you are going to say anything at least let it come from him not you.

What you say is up to you but it will cause huge offence and upset in my opinion, I couldn't see his you could word it without doing this.

You are effectively saying that they are acting inappropriatly and in a sexual way with their own granddaughter.

But it's your and your dhs call. Good luck for the future.

Again I will add you are very new parents here. You may rue the day you piss off a source of help and support and possibly destroy the comfort and happiness of family members over a very trivial matter.

.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 17/04/2014 10:56

Keeee-rist. YABVU. "Lip kissing" (ugh, ridiculous, made-up phrase, it's not even a thing) is perfectly innocent, normal and affectionate for those who choose to do it.

I have no problem with those who choose not to do it, but anyone who tries to claim that there are bullshit romantic overtones to me kissing my children on the lips can fuck right off.

Martorana · 17/04/2014 11:00

Oh, well. If this was a carefully orchestrated plan by the OP to detach her "little family" from her PIL, then I suspect it will work well.

Such a very sad and depressing thread. Sad

TulipOHare · 17/04/2014 11:09

YABU...you say yourself they are good, kind people. Your DD is lucky to have loving, involved relatives, plenty of kids don't. The kissing is innocent and affectionate. No harm is being caused to DD.

The problem is your reaction to it. How about you let them get on with it and just avert your eyes if it "makes you uncomfortable"?

thebodydoestricks · 17/04/2014 11:10

Yes agree very depressing.

Poor in laws and poor dd caught up in this.

HoldOnHoldOnSoldier · 17/04/2014 11:17

People seriously don't kiss their children on the lips?

I learn something new on Mumsnet everyday!

JSolo · 17/04/2014 11:23

As long as there's no tongue, you're golden.

Nancy66 · 17/04/2014 11:29

If your husband says to his parents 'don't kiss our children on the lips, we are uncomfortable with it' then the suggestion is very much that they are displaying inappropriate sexual behaviour towards their grandchildren.

they are not and this will crush them.

Rollergirl1 · 17/04/2014 11:33

Another one who thinks very sad and depressing. I genuinely feel sorry for the people that are so stifled and affectionately detached that they find kissing their own children on the lips distasteful.

But each to their own.

Val007 · 17/04/2014 11:51

I am 40 and I used to kiss my grandparents on the lips right until they died - the last one about 4 years ago.

I understand that OP is not used to this type of affection and since it is her child, she has the right to say something.

OP, just say the truth - 'I am not comfortable with kissing on the lips. I do not think it is wrong, but my parents did not raise me in this way, so I am not used to it and will be really greatful if you respect this and not kiss my daughter on the lips.'

Problem solved :)

MoominsAreScary · 17/04/2014 12:06

If the gps kiss your dd on the lips chances are they did the same with your dh when he was a baby.

Has it done him any harm

Original poster
Balistapus · 17/04/2014 12:11

Thanks Val, I think that's a great way of putting it.

OP posts: