Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want PIL to kiss DD on the mouth

456 replies

Balistapus · 16/04/2014 23:19

I know some families do this, kissing children on the mouth, but I think it's wrong.

PIL came for a visit last week and when they left they both kissed DD, 8 months, on the mouth. I was too shocked to say anything, but feel very uncomfortable about it.

How/ when do I broach the subject with them?

OP posts:
zeebaneighba · 19/04/2014 04:41

I would be telling my kids no, actually, because it can spread germs. Nobody would dispute that surely? And quite frankly I carry cold sores so while DH can make his own decisions I am unwilling to inflict that on my kids - because I refuse to believe mouth-kissing is somehow a superior form of affection. All I've pointed out is there is a health risk is involved - and an 8mth old baby can't make the decision to take that risk themselves. That's what I mean by force - they don't really have a say in it until they're older, do they?

AngryBeaver · 19/04/2014 04:44

I give all my beautiful babies big fat kisses on the lips :) I think they would be sad if I didn't!
My middle son (6) actually holds my face and gives me a big smackeroo. Grin
My dh and my own mum also kiss them on the lips.
But I would be unhappy for anyone else to do so.

LibraryMum8 · 19/04/2014 06:23

YANBU! But my problem is that ds started kissing ME on the mouth at 12 months and now he's 12 years and still does it! I was always to be revolted by adults kissing kids on the mouth. So I don't kiss ds on the mouth, I kiss him on the cheek. He kisses ME on the mouth .

Sorry, I have no advice! I get where you are coming from though!

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 19/04/2014 06:37

I think the spit sharing is a nonissue, unless you are concerned about the babies passing on germs to the grannies.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/04/2014 08:06

No,I haven't ever left her with extended family members, why would I, if we visit we all do it together,I wouldn't use them for childcare

Thurlow · 19/04/2014 09:04

I had to come back and see how this thread was progressing - as my 2yo five minutes ago started pulling her clothes off and had insisted in climbing into the shower with her grandad...

thebodydoestricks · 19/04/2014 09:16

So have you told them yet op?

When you do dont forget to mention the smacking and the sexual act won't you?

Thurlow · 19/04/2014 09:18

And my conclusion is this thread is still gobsmacking!

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/04/2014 09:24

Don't be dense Needs, left with could mean left for 5 minutes whilst you go to the loo.

Martorana · 19/04/2014 09:27

"No,I haven't ever left her with extended family members, why would I, if we visit we all do it together,I wouldn't use them for childcare"

Er, because it's sometimes nice to have somebody else looking after the baby while you try on a dress in a shop, have a shower, drink a cup of hot (for once) tea or have a nap. That's not childcare, it's being a member of a family.

LST · 19/04/2014 09:37

Christ this thread is ridiculous. I never knew such people existed.

My 2 yo and 3mo love big sloppy wet kisses. Bloody consent... jessus

PancakesAndMapleSyrup · 19/04/2014 09:39

Op, i have had the same issue with my mil some 6 years ago with the first dc. I broached the subject on a whim as i had not said anything but she when to give a kiss goodbye and i asked her to please kiss on cheek and i wasnt comfortable with the lip thing. She looked and me oddly and i just said that its not something that i have ever been bought up with and that i dont like it. Not been a problem since and the kids also only kiss people on the cheek too. Took a while but she understood that they were my boundaries for my children. Like others have said its like marmite. Good luck. (Excuse lack of grammar on phone).

shakethetree · 19/04/2014 10:01

It would be the cold sore thing with me too ( being a cold sore sufferer & knowing how easy it is to pass on the virus )

I just think it's healthier & far more 'normal' to give a little peck on the cheek - although my dc's ( as soon as they were old enough to be aware of awkward situations ) hated any sort of kissing off the in-laws, they found it deeply embarrassing

thebodydoestricks · 19/04/2014 10:45

Thurlow it's so unbelievably but strangely fascinating.

thebodydoestricks · 19/04/2014 10:49

A hand shake is as good as a hug

lilleth Crane. Grin

goingmadinthecountry · 19/04/2014 11:28

I know it was bil because we were in France at the time. He was the only one there who kissed her on lips. Came out with cold sore next day.

That's not the reason I think he's an idiot by the way.

Nightowlagain · 19/04/2014 11:32

I've been thinking about starting a thread with a question about kissing children but this seems like the place to ask it instead!

I kiss my DS on the lips, and SIL kisses him on the lips too, that doesn't bother me at all. The problem is when SIL and her two toddlers leave our house, she always tries to encourage me to kiss them on the lips as a goodbye, and I really don't want to! My DH attempts to get me to do it as well, even though he knows I don't like it and feel awkward. I'm not a fan if forced affection of any kind, having to kiss everyone's cheeks at new year etc.

I don't object to it in principle as I said, but feel it's too intimate for me to kiss the toddlers, who I don't see often, maybe that makes a difference. I don't feel close to them. Should I just suck it up, am I being weird?

shakethetree · 19/04/2014 12:10

I'm exactly the same - I hate all this forced affection - I don't want to kiss anyone except my partner ( of course I kissed my dc when they were babies, but never on the lips ) I don't even like hugging, it's all a bit false & unnecessary - what's wrong with a cheery wave?

SoleSource · 19/04/2014 12:28

My disabled DS kisses me on my lips. I am uncomfortable about it and ofer him my cheek as much as possible. He is fifteen now and might look a bit odd to others when we're out and about.

Beastofburden · 19/04/2014 12:32

sole does he hate brushing his teeth? If so, always make a point of saying, ouch, you need to brush your teeth! He will soon avoid kissing you on the lips so he doesn't have to go and brush them.

SoleSource · 19/04/2014 12:36

I brush his teeth for him, good idea though. But saying that he does kiss me more on my cheek nowadays.

CarmineRose1978 · 19/04/2014 12:44

Goingmad, the incubation period for cold sores is 2-12 days, with the average time between infection and the appearance of symptoms being 4 days. In some cases, the first infection is asymptomatic, and a sore only develops later in life. So tbh I doubt your BIL had anything to do with it.

goingmadinthecountry · 19/04/2014 13:03

Carmine, it was him. Maybe it was 2 days later, it was nearly 20 years ago and she obviously still has the virus. I do know what I'm talking about. Didn't appreciate a smoking, boozy arse smelling of cheap aftershave being anywhere near dd anyway.

Clappyclapp · 19/04/2014 13:06

I've never wanted to kiss any young (family) child on the mouth. I'm a kiss on the cheek type person.

Yadnbu reg this. I have told people 'kiss on the cheeks please not mouth'

I say what I think. I have family members with cold sores not worth the risk.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/04/2014 16:29

I wasn't being dense.

They have never been out of my line of sight not ever with extended family.

That's because my mothers a cunt who I wouldn't trust to not beat them to death as soon as my backs turned and the paternal gp's are very old and not very well so only cope with very short visits (that I do very frequently) so I'm never there long enough to need the loo.

If I go shopping or anything like that I take my best friend with me if I'm going to need a fitting room and her sister is my childminder I've known both for over 35 years and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have the same view as I do regarding personal space and intimate actions and children that are not yours.