To wonder why friends think you'd want to pay £500 each for a weekend to celebrate their birthday?

[Birthdayquery]

NC for this.

I've been pondering this for a while now.

Most of my friends are the same age and over the next few months we'll all turn 40.

One friend has planned a weekend away for her birthday which will cost £500 per person (not clear if it's a girly weekend or couples as she is single).

This isn't a joint celebration thing as she is inviting a lot of people outside of our circle iykswim.

Is it only me that thinks a birthday with a zero on the end is really just another birthday and if we all expected each other to fork out a grand per couple to celebrate each one we'd all be skint

Just say no!

We have a family wedding on the weekend in question so we're definitely not going but the fact that this has even been proposed has pissed me right off.

How ridiculous. Just decline the invitation.

no, I wouldnt go either

What would you be doing for £500?

As long as she doesn't put pressure on anyone to attend then it's fine.

YABU to be pissed off that someone has dared to organise something for their birthday that you don't approve of. Do all your friends have to run their birthday plans by you before they send out invites?

It's 3 nights in a hotel at the opposite end of the country to where we all live so before food and drink it will be over £300. Travelling that distance for one (or probably even two nights wouldn't be worth it) so just popping in for the night of her actual birthday isn't an option.

I think a 0 birthday is special.
But no friend's birthday is £500 special.
I suppose if you're all friends you could all save and have one big £500 weekend if you could afford it.

No outraged but if we didn't have something so definite already planned I would have felt very awkward turning it down but I would have had to because I just don't want to spend £1,000 doing something I don't want to do.

Surely birthday plans should not cost your friends that much money?

She shouldn't pressure on anyone to attend, but her birthday plans can cost/be whatever she wants.

Why would you feel awkward not going?

Depends. If it was a weekend I wanted to go on and I could afford it then I wouldn't see the problem. If I didn't want to or couldn't afford it I would politely decline with reasons.

But it's just an invitation! I've been on birthday do's like that before when I've thought 'well I'm not going to have a holiday this year so I'll do this instead' and I have some fabulous memories of spending times with good friends in beautiful places, it can be brilliant. However I have also turned down invites like this when I haven't had enough money or have other big plans that year.
YABU to assume that just because it's not convenient or affordable for you it therefore must be no good for anyone. Some people might go and have a great time, and if no one goes then she'll change her plans!

Go if you want to

Don't if you don't

When I was 40 my H organised a surprise trip thingy (2 nights in European city) but there was no obligation for people to come

I don't hold it against those that didn't

Because we've all known each other since uni so I would feel bad not being part of her day.

I just don't think it is appropriate to think your friends (who are not all massive earners) would want to spend that kind of money to celebrate one birthday when we're all going to celebrate the same birthday this year.

It's a very arrogant attitude IMO to expect anyone to spend anything to celebrate your birthday.

Your situation is a bit different anyfucker.

My friend is single so wouldn't be just going anyway, as I suspect was the case with you and your husband.

It's a bit by the by anyway as I'm not going but I just wanted to see what other people thought of the principle.

Oh dear op, you sound like you've got this all out of proportion! No one is demanding anything of you, they are giving you the opportunity to go if you want to.
I have a friend whose dream was to spend their 40th birthday somewhere hot and sunny. They booked a trip to Barcelona, and said if anyone wants to join me you're very welcome. No one was under pressure to go but the option is there for those who wanted it. Are you seriously saying she should either have not gone at all, or not invited her friends to join her?

For what it's worth my heart sinks if I get an invite to a glitzy 40th party at a coal venue. I hate glitzy clothes, and don't really feel comfortable at those sort of events, but I don't kick up a stink just because I've been invited to something that's not really my cup of tea!

I would maybe expect a week away for that much!

Birthdays are funny things, some people really do like to celebrate them big, others not so much
I don't mean this to sound funny but how close are you now really if you don't know if its a girls thing or a couples thing?

just give her a ring and ask for more details? would you consider going on your own so you still get to see everyone together or would you be ok about missing it?
also at those prices it must be per room not per person so two of you going shouldn't cost twice as much

Local, not coal!

The principle is fine.

If you feel awkward politely declining an invitation, that's your issue. Other people can't be expected to plan their birthday celebrations around it.

A lot of people like a weekend away, rhe fact that it's someone's birthday is neither here nor there really.

Well if you can afford to do stuff like that then sometimes birthdays are just an excuse/ kick up the bum to organise it. I don't think you should hold it against her to want to celebrate her birthday in style. Obviously you don't have to go and sure she won't be offended if you don't. But I personally look forward to events like that once in a while.

Also myself and OH have turned down going on my brothers and his Dfs stag and hen 'dos'. Think other people are surprised we are not going but we simply cannot afford/justify spending £200+++ each on weekends away.
Its not a massively elaborate do but by the time we have paid for train fair, dinner, drinks, over night stay etc it will just be too much.
might be easier if it was the same weekend, but its not

I'm going to say this even though I'm worried it might sound patronising.

I'm married and have got DC - I've already had some big 'wow' moments in my lifetime. If I hadn't had a once in a lifetime do like my wedding then I may well want to celebrate my 40th in style and invite my friends to do the same.

I think this situation is just like the wedding situations - you go or don't go, there's no obligation, just feel flattered to have been invited,.

it's my birthday soon - not a big one just bog standard 44 - I am going away for 2 nights with a gang of mates - I have paid for it - I would never expect them to

We go away quite often fir weekends that cost that sort of money. But I can afford it. Maybe the majority of the friends can. Better that you were invited than not just because you can't afford it. That would be horrid