We go away quite often fir weekends that cost that sort of money. But I can afford it. Maybe the majority of the friends can. Better that you were invited than not just because you can't afford it. That would be horrid
I agree .... not being asked at all is horrid. But then again, when friends know that the cost of such a proposed weekend (or any other activity) is completely beyond your reach it's a bit of a backhanded "compliment" - so to speak - to be "asked" anyway when they know their invitation will be declined out of necessity.
It's a difficult one because I've been in this position and eventually drifted away from friends because I simply couldn't afford to join in with the sort of things they could afford to do - and wanted to do - which meant they were building up shared experiences, shared history, shared "in jokes" that meant nothing to me.
Years and years ago - before I split from my oldest child's dad - I had what I thought was a group of good friends - who were all childless BTW, and therefore had reasonable disposable income .... but I was able to join in with stuff around 2/3 of the time - enough to "keep in the loop" which was fine by me .... I didn't feel left out of anything. But my circumstances changed radically when I became a single mum and it was all I could do to keep paying the bills. There was no way I could regularly go away on weekends, or go into London for meals and theatre, or do "girlie" activities like spa days etc.
I was still asked - at least at first - to come along, but after I'd apologised lots of times, always saying that I'd love to, but I just didn't have the money and the invites inevitably dried up. Unfortunately, my suggestions for more affordable (for me) meet-ups every so often weren't met with much enthusiasm - and I'm afraid that really hurt. I do understand that if you have money to spare, it's great to do what you want but at the same time, if you want the company of people who aren't as well off as you then you should also be prepared to "slum it" once in a blue moon so you can keep in touch. It wasn't as if I was expecting my friends to sit on a wall swigging from a shared bottle of cheap cider ..... I suggested meals in, film nights or - heaven forbid - a simple night in with wine and chocs and a good old gossip. It really hit me hard when all my suggestions were dismissed as being too boring and I had to face up to the fact that my so-called friends just weren't "into" me. Fact was, I didn't think I was a ^different" person because I now had less money - but bottom line seemed to be that I was welcome only if I could do what the majority wanted to do.
As you can tell, it still really affects me now - almost 20 years later - because I really thought these people were decent genuine friends until I found myself effectively ostracised because I no longer had as much money.
So .... it's all very well saying people can celebrate as they wish etc etc etc and it "doesn't matter" so long as the birthday girl/boy, bride/groom or whoever doesn't get offended by your absence but IMO, it's not always as black and white as that. Fact is, most of us would like to think that people we consider to be our friends - and we hope the feeling is mutual - would want to include as many of their friends in their celebrations and special times as possible .... and though it may be a radical opinion, I therefore kind of feel that if you really want all the people who are special to you there you try to tailor the celebration so that everyone can join in. Or do something like Merlot did - which I think was incredibly thoughtful and generous .... and as she said, I'm not surprised that people then offered to chip in with what they could afford because I'm sure they all really appreciated her thoughtfulness.
I guess if you're pretty confident that ALL your friends can afford to do something amazing AND expensive then there's nothing wrong in doing it. But personally, if, say, 8 out of a group of 10 could afford something special but 2 couldn't, and it was a major event which we'd be talking about and reminiscing about for years to come I'd feel pretty bad for the two left out - regardless of whether or not they'd been "invited". I'd prefer to do something we could ALL do and save the money I would have otherwise spent on something more extravagant for a different sort of birthday treat .... maybe with my children, or with my OH, or with my best friend.