Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend and her PFB 1st birthday party.

414 replies

OkieDokie · 24/02/2014 08:09

Ok so my best friends DS will be 1 in a couple of weeks. She's having a big party and I've helped her find a room and gave her some caterers numbers for the food.

She's made a few new friends from NCT and some baby groups which I'm happy about as my children are 6, 4 and 2 so probably forgotten what's like to just have a PFB.

Anyway, she told me last week that's she's got some activities like pass the parcel etc but only the one year olds can play the games. She's also renting soft play pieces and getting in some kind of face painter but again only for the 1 year olds.

She said bluntly that I was to keep my kids off the soft play stuff and make sure they don't join in. AIBU to think this is really off? There will be about 20 odd kids from 2-8 and I'm just not sure how I'll keep my 3 off the stuff. Obviously, I'll tell them not to but as I'm 7 months pregnant and I really don't need the extra pressure. The kids will be confused as every party they've been to before they have been encouraged to join in.

I don't know what to say to her and I don't want to fall out over something so silly. I think she doesn't appreciate what it's like to have older kids and wonder why she's invited people with older kids if they're expected to just sit still?

OP posts:
MummyPigsFatTummy · 24/02/2014 10:43

There's going to be a bouncy castle? For 1 year olds? REALLY? Her 1 year old must be seriously advanced. DD wasn't walking never mind bouncing until months later (I know some do walk early, but still).

I have played pass the parcel at a 1 year olds party, and it is just adult pass the parcel. Baby sits on parent's knee. Another parent passes parcel to baby - baby rips at paper and baby's parent grabs parcel and passes it to next baby, and repeat ad infinitum. Babies baffled/frustrated - parents bored - joy all round.

Sparkeleigh · 24/02/2014 10:48

Sorry if this seems like piling in OP, but if she's going to make these plans she should have the guts to stand by them. You'll end up looking as bad as her if people think you've helped plan it.

Do you know anyone who has children in the 2-8 group? Could you mention it to them in a" you won't believe this, but... " kind of way? If she's so concerned with appearances a mutiny from prospective party goers might change her mind if she won't listen to you.

Sparkeleigh · 24/02/2014 10:49

Oh, by the guts to stand by them, I mean she should inform people herself, not make you do it! Just realised it sounded like I agreed with her!

PedantMarina · 24/02/2014 10:53

I was only trying to help you get more assertive, OP.

shuffles feet, looks downcast

ENormaSnob · 24/02/2014 10:55

She's an idiot.

You are being a mug.

tangyyoghurt · 24/02/2014 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
OkieDokie · 24/02/2014 10:55

I am tempted with the banner :). I'm not really sure what kind of soft play she's getting, I'll have to ask today. I presumed some kind of slide and balls but there could be a bouncy castle?

I have said its mad to have a 4 hour party and a 2 hour one would be plenty but she doesn't think that will be enough time for the babies to do all the stuff and her to mingle.

I've asked her what the older ones will do and she sees no problem with kids sitting still, eating and playing with a balloon. She doesn't really see many kids other than mine that are older very regularly. She said she just thinks it's poor discipline if kids don't do as the parents say. My DH and her partner do a kind of sigh when she starts on one and my DH really hopes that her DS will be a handful in a few months.

Think she'll get a huge shock as my kids are fairly well behaved when we see them, usually because of the mixture that they're easy going but also that I bribe them with cake on the way home if they're good haha.
So although she's seen them tantrum a bit, they've never really had a meltdown like they can do at home.

That's prob why she thinks that kids would be ok with the arrangement.

No idea why she's gone all out on the party bags. She said she'd spent about £30 on each (more money than sense). She could have just put a piece of cake and a cheap book and kids would have been happy. Then she could have spent the saved money on something for the older kids.

I won't show her the thread as I don't want to lose her. I'll mention it again to her DP, but think he needs to grow bigger balls than me :D.

OP posts:
MrsBungle · 24/02/2014 10:56

Wow, I'm in shock! She's too busy planning but you're not busy whilst 7 months pregnant with 3 other kids?! She needs some sort of reality check.

Original poster
OkieDokie · 24/02/2014 10:59

Yeah I've mentioned it to a mutual friend with a 5 year old thats going and she just burst out laughing. She told me similar to just say what I think and I certainly won't be telling other kids they can't play. I'm not being the big bad wolf! The rest are kids from their family so don't really know any of them well enough but I'm sure they'll think the same.

OP posts:
bodybooboo · 24/02/2014 11:00

she's bat shit crazy to be sure but op if you get involved with this you are really worse as you know how this will end.

shewhowines · 24/02/2014 11:01

So while they are looking up in the air, hitting the balloons in the air, they won't be tripping up over the littlies? Or are they expected to sit nicely in their chairs holding a balloon on a piece of ribbon?

I think the soft play might be safer.

AntoinetteCosway · 24/02/2014 11:01

I think there's going to be an empty soft play and bouncy castle because most of the 1 year olds won't be physically able to play on it and the older children won't be allowed. Am betting there's going to be a lot of hysterical tears!

brighteyedbusytailed · 24/02/2014 11:01

I've never understood big parties for 1 year olds,

FGS save your money until they are older and actually have their own friends to invite,
However, thats separate to the craziness that is your friend,
Well i say craziness, it's actually quite cruel isn't it? I assume she's mentally competent ,she's a grown mentally competent woman, and wants small children to watch other kids have fun and not joinin , she wants you to police this, she wants to leave your kids out, but wants you to her help her facilitate this party for her child?

I would have distanced myself at the suggestion and made clear I wouldn't be going.

Whowouldfardelsbear · 24/02/2014 11:02

30 pound a party bag! That's more than all mine put together for a whole class party!

YellowDinosaur · 24/02/2014 11:02

£30 ON EACH PARTY BAG????

Ffs I've heard it all now. So the cost of this party, which will alienate most of her friends, upset their children and totally confuse their babies will be several grand Shock

You have to tell her

brighteyedbusytailed · 24/02/2014 11:05

I've asked her what the older ones will do and she sees no problem with kids sitting still, eating and playing with a balloon.

I stand corrected, she's either been raised by socially inept bears in a cave away from children all her life, or is insane.

ReadyToPopAndFresh · 24/02/2014 11:05

She knows one year olds nap right? They won;t be there for 4 hours.

Livvylongpants · 24/02/2014 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rollonthesummer · 24/02/2014 11:07

Have you not said anything at all about how you feel to her?

If not, why not? She must be rubbing her hands together with glee thinking you're so daft, you'll do all her dirty work for her! Say something now!!

AlpacaLypse · 24/02/2014 11:08

Okie, yanbu, for all the reasons stated above.

Don't worry about the references to Gluezilla being your friend. Some of us are remembering a bonkers bride Thread from last year which featured a stupendously entitled so called friend who wanted the OP to take a day off, unpaid, to decorate the room for her reception. But wasn't able to actually invite the OP to it! Someone said on the thread 'Ask her if she's on glue?', which turned into everyone calling her Gluezilla, and the word has now entered the Mumsnet vocabulary, along with Fruitshoots, pombears, etc etc.

cobaltcow · 24/02/2014 11:09

30 pounds a party bag for what - over 20 kids. If any of this is true then she is a mug and will be a laughing stock.

Op if you go along with this like a mug then stop complaining.

MrsBonkers · 24/02/2014 11:09

Just marking my place for a full update after lunch!

MerryMarigold · 24/02/2014 11:10

YANBU. I would be friendly but say you can't come because it will be too much like hard work keeping your kids off the stuff! I would also suggest she tells the parents of other older kids. I can see that maybe she wouldn't want 8 year olds monopolising the soft play (maybe that could be under 5's), but pass the parcel and facepaint should be for anyone who wants to.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/02/2014 11:11

Yanbu at all. Ha ha 1 year ok ds playing pass the parcel, she will be lucky and she will see how it's really like. Tbh I would not go and tell her as she is close to you why, that it is not fair on inviting your children to a party that tgey cannot join in.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/02/2014 11:13

Just tell her that it will be difficult keeping the kids off tge things and telling them not to join in. She sounds very ott