Best friend and her PFB 1st birthday party.

[OkieDokie]

Ok so my best friends DS will be 1 in a couple of weeks. She's having a big party and I've helped her find a room and gave her some caterers numbers for the food.

She's made a few new friends from NCT and some baby groups which I'm happy about as my children are 6, 4 and 2 so probably forgotten what's like to just have a PFB.

Anyway, she told me last week that's she's got some activities like pass the parcel etc but only the one year olds can play the games. She's also renting soft play pieces and getting in some kind of face painter but again only for the 1 year olds.

She said bluntly that I was to keep my kids off the soft play stuff and make sure they don't join in. AIBU to think this is really off? There will be about 20 odd kids from 2-8 and I'm just not sure how I'll keep my 3 off the stuff. Obviously, I'll tell them not to but as I'm 7 months pregnant and I really don't need the extra pressure. The kids will be confused as every party they've been to before they have been encouraged to join in.

I don't know what to say to her and I don't want to fall out over something so silly. I think she doesn't appreciate what it's like to have older kids and wonder why she's invited people with older kids if they're expected to just sit still?

Hit her where it hurts - tell her that all her new friends are going to be EXTREMELY unimpressed if their older children have fuck all to do at this party, she needs to lay on some form of entertainment for them if they're not allowed to use the Party Princeling's stuff! Her party is going to go down as Flop of the Year among those with older children and I'm sure she doesn't want that.

That should help :)

Even the fact that it's FOUR HOURS makes my heart sink, let alone the rest of the lunacy rules

Ha ha ha ha ha ha that is truly hilariously mad.

Having said that, she does sound a little like one of my friends (had better stress though that my friend is nowhere near this bad!) who has a ds who is one year younger than my dc2 and four years younger than my dc1. She is pretty PFB and her ds is somewhat indulged, but she doesn't seem to get that my dc (particularly dc1) are children too and will not react to situations like adults. Dc1 is often expected to take extreme care with her ds, let her ds have a toy, throw all dc1's football cards around, have the last biscuit etc etc because her ds is only little. I think she genuinely doesn't understand that her expectations from my dc are unnaturally high and, as they will always be older, I think she is unlikely to ever understand.

You need to make sure you invite her ds to your new arrival's first birthday. Talk about all the brilliant things you're going to do for weeks beforehand to get her ds really excited. Then when she gets there tell her that all the activities are for 3s and over only, because her 2yo won't understand what to do, and he can't go on the bouncy castle either in case he gets squashed. But he is welcome to sit and colour and make polite conversation all afternoon. Your older dc will be happy, your baby won't care either way and she might understand where you were coming from for her party!

Ask her to fast forward 2 years, it's her PSBs first birthday. Does she exclude PFB from the party?

Is she normally so controlling of a situation?

I only ask because before I was diagnosed with PND I went slightly bonkers about Christmas, and how everything had to be perfect of DS would be scarred for life. Dh sat me down and pointed out I was being a nightmare and no one was looking forward to my micromanaged Christmas. Is it possible she may have PND and this is how it's coming out??

I think I'm just going to watch how this actually pans out for you now OP.

The more you add to this the more ridiculous it gets! It's all inevitably going to go tits up and you and your friend are probably going to fall out anyway. She is more interested in what her shiny new friends think than you - some best friend she is

Can we call her Partyzilla McBuzzkill ?

Lol, this is just like partygluezilla and lemon drizzle cake. I am expecting an outrageous and hilarious update after the lunch meet up.

'Are you on glue' is a phrase that has entered our households vocabulary, I have heard my teens say it to each other. ...The power of Mumsnet.

Don't be ridiculous glazz..

PSBs don't get first birthday parties!

Oh yes lemon drizzle cake and the first birthday day party where one year olds can be messy with food everywhere

'Are you on glue?'
????
I heard someone say that at work!!

I work with at least one mner!

OP I have nothing to add from what has already been said apart from trying to buy friends never works, and if she isn't careful will have lost a long time firm friend.

One year olds won't be interested in pass the parcel they will probably be more interested in eating the wrapping paper.
One year olds won't be very keen on face painting I think that's a 3 and over type activity.
4 hours is far too long for a one years olds party
4 hours is far too long to expect any over 1yos to sit nicely with a balloon ( - actually about 3 hrs 55 minutes too long)
It's going to end in tears ... Hers, the older dc who will be bored witless in no time and won't understand why they can't use the soft play stuff, the 1yos who won't like the pass the parcel the face painting and will get terribly over tired, the other parents who will be surrounded by their miserable bored older children.
It's going to be a nightmare.

Op I'm flabbergasted. If you continue with this bloody nonsense you are going to get exactly what you deserve! A cross friend, upset kids and a very shitty morning.

Don't go. Or do but don't take your own kids. Seriously. And let her police it. Her party her issue.

So many things to go wrong with this party.

At 4 hours many of the younger children will be red faced wailing messes by this stage after being overstimulated with these events only they can participate in.

Face painting may scare them as may pass the parcel, or they will not understand the object and cry when they have to give it up.

Other older children will get bored seeing all this stuff go unappreciated by one year olds and get whiny and teary.

You are supposed to police the event so if any older children get on the things or everyone doesn't have fun its possible your friend as the pressure of failure piles on her may turn around and blame you for it all.

You really do need to address this more plainly with her as it has the potential to screw up your friendship.

With no sarcasm at all meant I wish you luck with this. It seems as though she has put many hopes of social climbing and social standing in the basket of a mad idea doomed to fail. It will be heartbreaking to watch.

OP, you do realise You.Will.Be.Blamed. don't you?

Step away now, while you still can.

IIRC, face painters don't do faces of very little children but if you have a small sibling with bigger ones who are being painted, they'll quickly dab a little design on an arm.

She is being ridiculous, and a really good friend would tell her how it is. I am not saying you're not a good friend but honestly, she sounds out of control and totally unreasonable. She won't cope with school etc. You need to set her straight, even if this does affect your friendship for a while. If you do it with kindness she'll come back to you in the end.

Roaring with laughter at 1 yo playing pass the parcel, lasting for 4 hours and having faces painted. Can I please come to witness it?

I don't understand parties for one year olds full stop! We happened to be on hols for PFB'sfirst birthday. We ate a bit of cake, blew out a candle and then popped him off to bed whilst we got tipsy and had an Early Night! By the time DC2&3 arrived we didn't bother at all! Everyone had ENT infections and were again popped off to bed whilst we cracked open the Night Nurse.

This party sounds like a clusterfuck. She is looking social death in the eye, for sure.

I feel really sorry for her. It sounds like she's previously been a good friend to OP, but she's lost her grip on reality since having PFB. She's trying very hard to impress and to have everything perfect and she's going to be devastated when it all goes tits up. She must be very stressed, trying to keep up with all the other mums etc. I hope she sees sense before the party.

No, no, no, no, no.

Bonkers...all of it.

Am laughing satanically at the thought of 1 yr olds playing pass the parcel. The idea is just too stupid for words and will end in tears...mostly from the 1 yr olds but also a high probability from your friend also

I would never have let either of mine have their face painted as a 1 yr old either.

OP do not subject yourself to this ordeal. Either she gets it today or you don't go - right? Why put yourself in the firing line when your friend is being selfish and crazy?

If she dissent get it, you need to grow a pair be assertive and out your kids first. A 4 hour toddler party what a nightmare. I would stay well away.

Oh I feel sorry for your poor deluded PFB friend. She is in for the awakening and comeuppance of a lifetime!

Oh wow, I can't wait to hear how this one falls apart.

Poor friend, she sounds like she feels a lot of pressure from her so called 'friends'.

I feel sorry for her too. This is a total disaster waiting to happen and she isn't listening. You either need to be really blunt with her, or accept that nothing you do or say will change her intentions and then decide how involved you want to be.

We had a cocktail party for DD1's first birthday.