Best friend and her PFB 1st birthday party.

[OkieDokie]

Ok so my best friends DS will be 1 in a couple of weeks. She's having a big party and I've helped her find a room and gave her some caterers numbers for the food.

She's made a few new friends from NCT and some baby groups which I'm happy about as my children are 6, 4 and 2 so probably forgotten what's like to just have a PFB.

Anyway, she told me last week that's she's got some activities like pass the parcel etc but only the one year olds can play the games. She's also renting soft play pieces and getting in some kind of face painter but again only for the 1 year olds.

She said bluntly that I was to keep my kids off the soft play stuff and make sure they don't join in. AIBU to think this is really off? There will be about 20 odd kids from 2-8 and I'm just not sure how I'll keep my 3 off the stuff. Obviously, I'll tell them not to but as I'm 7 months pregnant and I really don't need the extra pressure. The kids will be confused as every party they've been to before they have been encouraged to join in.

I don't know what to say to her and I don't want to fall out over something so silly. I think she doesn't appreciate what it's like to have older kids and wonder why she's invited people with older kids if they're expected to just sit still?

Hope you've grown a pair in time for lunch OP. You have to bring her back to reality, or at least within touching distance!

Shameless place marking. She's bonkers!

Oh I don't care.... I have nothing to add at all, so will shamelessly mark my place. this will be a LEGENDARY thread....

She really hasn't got a clue has she? The one year olds won't have a clue what is going on and won't really be able to join in any of these planned activities and the rest of the kids will be bored out of their brains.

FOR FOUR HOURS!!!!

I've suggested my hubby takes them out for the day but they all want to go even though the oldest understands it won't be much fun

If you feel you have to go then definitely let your DH entertain your kids elsewhere. In fact if your oldest already understands why it won't be much fun then work on that a bit. Once you convince your oldest that he wil have a better time with dad then won't the other two follow suit?

The you go and tell us all about it!

Marking place.

OP you must take the time between now and the party to ensure your eldest is fully trained in smart phone video techniques. We need edited highlights.

Butting in to see how your lunch went and whether she's still intent on this box of frogs idea

Oh! Ooh!! Does anyone remember The Baby Race in Dick and Dom in da Bungalow? Babies at one end a mat and parents at the other waving the babies favourite toys to encourage their little ones to race along the mat.

She could have that as one of the games. And maybe encourage betting on the outcome as something to keep the older children and parents entertained.

In fact, could you suggest she ditches the pass the parcel and face painting nonsense and instead set the whole thing up as some sort of baby olympics. At least then there will be something fun for the non-participants to watch.

Hmm. What other events could she have?

Quietly op asked for our opinion so were giving it to her, what's the problem!

It's not being tempted to ruin a long standing friendship because of being right though quietlysuggests. It's nothing whatsoever to do with being right. It's about trying to gently stop your close friend making a massive mistake, ruining her pfb's party, and in doing so potentially alienating the friends she is so keen to impress. So, because you have older children and therefore know her plans are a car crash waiting to happen, if you had it within your power to possibly stop that you wouldn't try?

I'm shaking my head in wonderment at your attitude honestly... And no, as it happens I don't change my best friends often.

Oh dear. The friend has clearly not thought this through at all has she . Two hours would be hard enough work even with entertainment for all ages , but four hours with no activities for any child over one , she must have a death wish .
What will happen is people will either ignore her 'rules' and get mightily offended if OP trys to enforce them or they will leave in dribs and drabs early , so no big cake cutting photo opportunity at the end of the four hours . Oh and all her new friends and old friends with children over one will have a massive bitch fest about her for now until eternity .
If she was my friend and a supposedly good one at that i would have to be completely straight with her and tell her how ludicrous the whole party will be and how foolish she will look .
Do not collude with her in this event , she will try and blame you when ( and it will ) it goes completely tits up .

Does your friend include those who are not quite 2 as being one year old? Or does she mean one year olds as those babies who are lucky enough to have been born afew weeks either side of her PFB?
A baby who is 23 months old is one, I know I'm being pedantic but if I'm expected to go along with with your friends sheer madness I like to know the details

Quietlysuggests would you not give a friend the benefit of your experience if you could see them heading for a potentially embarrassing fall? I would feel terrible if I were at the party with loads of kids tantrumming and loads of new friends complaining when I could've at least advised her -with my knowledge of children- to do it differently. I mean I would try to do it gently but I would want to tell her. And I would want to be told in her position too.

5foot5 - excellent idea!

Shamelessly marking place for the post lunch update.

Why are so many posters asking the OP to do something?

This would be because the friend is asking the OP to get involved and she potentially faces being blamed if this doesn't come off.

If its a great success fine, however the odds are stacked against it and if the OP can head off some embarrassment for the friend beforehand by suggesting a few tweaks here and there all the better.

No one wants to witness a car crash of the magnitude this has the potential to be unfolding before their eyes if there is something they as a friend can try to do to stop it.

This is going to be GOOD.

shamelessly marking place. :)

Been friends with my closest friend for coming up 35 years quietly , there have been times when i really didnt like or want to accept what my friend was saying , and vice versa , but if you care enough about someone you will persevere to try to make them see sense .

Quietly op has known this friend for 18 years and she as been blunt with op, so op has to tell it to her honestly tats what good friends do. Yes it will affect op children. heavily pregnant op as to stop her 3 children from joining in and enjoying te various things set up to the party, to boot has been asked to prevent other peoples kids from doing so. That is totally unacceptable! The friend can have the party that she wants but has to accept the consequences. It is unreasonable for her to expect the other Chidren to entertain themselves for 4 hours, whilst the others have fun doing face painting, soft play, and party games. That is what mumsnetters are getting at, it won't go down well will it!

Maybe talk to her about her dc's second party and what will she do to top this one and how does she imagine they'll have changed in a year, busy into everything, terrible 2's and then 3s etc. Get her really into it, big up the active side of things.

And then, once she's there - get her to say what she thinks would happen if she was invited to a friend's party but her active 2 yr old was expected to be one of the 'adults' and sit nicely at the table for 4 hours, eat the food and watch all the babies roll around in the soft play stuff that she is itching to join in with. But she can't, because she's not 1.

Then remind her that you've never seen your 2yr old sit still for more than 4 seconds minutes let alone 4 hours. You get that she is worried about the little ones being hurt by the bigger ones (although agree that the toddlers and pre-schoolers probably more risk than the 8 yr old).

I'd also say that that she is going to have to co-opt somebody else to be the bad guy enforcer to stop all the kids over the age of 1 from having any fun as you know you wouldn't be able to do it even on a good day because when that number of kids get together they're not going to be easy to wrangle away from the fun stuff for 4 minutes let alone 4 hours. And that's before the fact that you're heavily pregnant to make it even more impossible. As such, you know that this is going to upset her if the kids older than 1 everything runs amok and you don't want to be the one getting the blame for the party going wrong and spoiling your friendship.

On the other hand if her new friend's throw parties like this all the time then they should already know how to make it work and take charge in these situations

Isn't the fact that op has been enrolled as a bouncer to stop the marauding hordes of 3 year olds from gate crashing the soft play slightly at odds with the friend supposedly being completely unaware that they would actually want to; and imagining they would prefer to chat quietly amongst themselves instead?

Quietly - I agree. It's all very enjoyable hearing about this ridiculous party where the children aren't allowed to use the children's facilities and the babies are expected to play games with rules and sit and get their faces painted. However, there is nothing for anybody to do about it. The OP has already said what she thinks. I bet all the mumsnetters urging her to do something other than just not bring her kids would not do anything themselves in RL. BTW I would not bring my children as there is no way I would let them look at softplay etc and tell them they had to just sit there.

A caterer? For a child's birthday party? I don't live on that planet...