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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send my 6 month old dd to full time nursery

203 replies

bluebeanie · 18/02/2014 11:42

I'm heading back to work soon. Mat leave has gone far too quickly.

We don't have any family nearby for any help. She's formula fed, so no problem there. We really need two wages coming in. My mat leave was a very generous 6 months full pay. Our combined incomes will just cover all bills, some savings and the childcare. Plus, it is a critical time in both our careers.

The closer I get to the end, the more guilty I feel. I get the feeling many people think this is too young. I've been given the look of horror by several friends and family members.

Have any other mums got experience of this? How do you fit housework etc in? We probably can't afford a cleaner. I guess I just need some positive stories please. Will she hate me?Sad

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 18/02/2014 11:43

Yes,do it.steadfastly ignore the looks,the tuts,disapproval.baby will be fine

scottishmummy · 18/02/2014 11:47

This will benefit you all as family. You'll be solvent,retain career.everyone benefits
Lose the guilt.its an unnecessary affectation.is your dp guilty at continuing to work?
It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.you need to rebuke their pov

Greywacke · 18/02/2014 11:49

You do whatever is best for you and your family. I know people who have put their child in nursery far earlier than 6 months. Of course your DD won't hate you!

The only thing you can do as a parent is whatever is right for you and your family. It is no one else's business what you choose to do. I think being a parent is a long stretch of feeling guilty.

What did you do housework wise before having your DD? I would just revert back to that.

pointythings · 18/02/2014 11:50

She won't hate you. As long as you make time for her when you are together, she will be fine. I went back full time at 6 months with both my DDs and they never got more attached to their carers at nursery than they did to me.

Don't let anyone guilt trip you, you're doing the right thing for your family.

Re housework - I would suggest a constructive dropping of standards, lots of meal planning and cooking ahead for the freezer on weekends. As long as things are sufficiently hygienic and everyone has clean clothes and nutritious food it's fine. A bit of dust and untidiness is really no big deal.

tiggytape · 18/02/2014 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

velvetspoon · 18/02/2014 11:52

I went back to work when DS1 was 7 months, he was at a childminder 5 days a week 8-6. I was a single parent, no family. I did get lots of 'how do you manage' comments at the time, some people were a bit judgy. I just learned to ignore them - because I had a mortgage to pay, and it was work, or be homeless. And I knew which option I preferred!

YouStayClassySanDiego · 18/02/2014 11:52

Ds1 is now 18.

I went back to work when he was 4 months old, I had to.

All was well and he's turned out ok.

I did employ a cleaner though , she was worth every penny.

Good luck and ignore any tits who tut and give you the look.

JassyRadlett · 18/02/2014 11:55

I think it's better for them to start nursery at 6 months than at 9 or 12 months (my DS started at 9 months, full time at 11 months). A little older and it's prime separation anxiety time. He was a lot less clingy a few months earlier, I think starting nursery then would have been a lot less difficult for him and me.

JassyRadlett · 18/02/2014 11:56

Also - do look at what you can afford re: a cleaner, even if it's just doing selected heavy jobs once a fortnight.

BurnThisDiscoDown · 18/02/2014 11:56

DS started FT nursery at 8 months (same as you, need 2 FT wages coming in). He loves it - he does things there that we don't do at home, the nursery nurses are lovely with him, and now he's a bit older he's made friends too. Cleaning wise, I do what I can when he's gone to bed and don't stress too much about it - if I can't get it all in it doesn't get done. Just try to ignore the judgy people, they don't know the specific circumstances and it's none of their business. Easier said than done, I know! Smile

scottishmummy · 18/02/2014 11:58

And no don't allow a had to aspect creep into this.you don't need absolution
Women return to work ft.some by compulsion,some by choice
Hate this notion if you had to return that's somehow less guilt inducing than chose to

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2014 11:58

How many hours per day?

Would a CM be a better option?

ReallyTired · 18/02/2014 12:00

I think that the phase "needs must" comes to mind. Babies do well in good nurseries and its probably less traumatic for her to go at 6 months than at 8 months when seperation anxiety kicks in.

The hardest thing you will find is that your baby will pick up every cold. It may well be worth investing in the chickenpox vaccination when your lo is a year old.

scottishmummy · 18/02/2014 12:00

Stick to your plans,don't deviate.and at work you compartmentalise
And don't discuss it,or seek opinions.just get on with it

TantrumsAndBalloons · 18/02/2014 12:01

Dd is 16. I went back to work when she was 4 months old and she went to full time nursery. She is fine, I promise.

Housework? Lower your standards Grin

scottishmummy · 18/02/2014 12:03

Exposure to illness at nursery is inevitable,but no its not worst thing
Prior to return you and dp work our who responds when you get the call
You and dp have discussion of sharing responsibilities when baby off.who attends when

KoalaFace · 18/02/2014 12:03

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about this! Your baby has parents who love and worry about her, are working hard to keep a roof over their heads, their career going and some savings. You sound like you're doing the best you can and that's all anyone can expect. I think you sound great!

I'm a SAHM at the moment but in your position would make the same decision you have.

HerrenaHarridan · 18/02/2014 12:06

If you changed your mind now and decides to be a sahm some people will tut and criticise.

Your kid will grow up thinking whatever you do is normal.

Just do what you want!

drspouse · 18/02/2014 12:14

Lots of my colleagues do this (I'm currently on 4 days a week, and DS goes to a CM one day and nursery the other days).

We do have a cleaner (sorry!) but she only comes for a couple of hours - could you manage this? Or once a fortnight? Maybe a flatmate style cleaning rota to start off with - so neither you or your DH forget to get it done in a timely manner?

I do a lot of washing on my day off (our cleaner can't seem to cope with washing machines, and used to do things like put dirty cloths in with clean dry sheets, until we said STAY AWAY from the machine), it seems, but really that's the main thing that seems to build up, though I'm sure I would find the cleaning piles up too. I've started putting a timer on for when the machine will be finished in the evening, though, as otherwise we are watching TV, go through to the kitchen just before bed... and can't be bothered to hang up the washing that finished an hour before...

I think I'd be doing a lot more online grocery shopping, though DH is pretty good about going out to the supermarket after DS is in bed, and DS actually doesn't mind a quick trip on the way home (nursery is at my work).

We plan who's cooking and what time we're eating (before or after DS is in bed, basically) on a weekly basis, and I plan what I'm cooking, and DH kind of plans what he's cooking, when we do that. At least then I can get it out of the freezer lovingly prepare the ingredients before I go to work if we're all planning to walk in the house at 5.45 and eat at 6 sharp.

Tiredemma · 18/02/2014 12:17

Ive just returned from nursery following DD's "settling in" session- she is 6 months old in two weeks which is also when I return to work full time.

DP is good with housework (except for washing) and I plan to batch cook a few meals on a sunday PM to freeze and then have through the week.

I have no choice but the return to work so im not going to fill myself with angst about it- my stress would be greater with the fear of losing my home- so back to work (FT) it is.

DD appears to be ok after her session this morning

chippers1 · 18/02/2014 12:18

why do people have kids if they cant afford to be there for them ?

ForgettableTampon · 18/02/2014 12:20

Get stuffed chippers

scottishmummy · 18/02/2014 12:20

Op you and your dp plan now who responds when baby sick,how you both share
Do online shopping.work out rota for chores.cook and freeze in bulk
Can either of you work at home if need be?

Tiredemma · 18/02/2014 12:20

why do people have kids if they cant afford to be there for them?

Piss off you nause.

ForgettableTampon · 18/02/2014 12:21

Next you'll be bleating about pwecious moments

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