to send my 6 month old dd to full time nursery

[bluebeanie]

I'm heading back to work soon. Mat leave has gone far too quickly.

We don't have any family nearby for any help. She's formula fed, so no problem there. We really need two wages coming in. My mat leave was a very generous 6 months full pay. Our combined incomes will just cover all bills, some savings and the childcare. Plus, it is a critical time in both our careers.

The closer I get to the end, the more guilty I feel. I get the feeling many people think this is too young. I've been given the look of horror by several friends and family members.

Have any other mums got experience of this? How do you fit housework etc in? We probably can't afford a cleaner. I guess I just need some positive stories please. Will she hate me?

You know some people genuinely do believe that parental care is much better for children up to the age of at least two.

I wish everyone would just respect the differing opinions.

'pwecious moments' is pretty acidic and an obvious dig at SAHP

Then there's the inference that SAHPs don't teach their children work ethics

Same old, same old.

If people are truly confident and happy in their choices, they don't need to put others down for theirs.

What's your agenda fiddling,why are you trying to provoke a supportive thread
I think it's nice it read the 16yrs on and it's all ok posts.that reassuring
I think you're purposefully trying to poke about on overall supportive thread

Do it OP

You do what you need to do, that's what mums do. Don't kid yourself in a few months you'll be thinking what will I do with her all day....if you don't have a mix of people around you to naturally interact with you create an artificial extended family through play groups etc anyway. Nursery will give he this, it healthy to for attachments with more than one adult.

You'd have bonded with her, gave her a great a start. Your careers will benefit her in the long run.

If only we got dealt the same cards in life then we could all do exactly the same as each other. You play your hand OP how you see fit.

Utter rot.its a supportive thread from those of us who've been there
Same ole same ole is the why have em,be there,baby doesn't need money etc
Those type comments are symptomatic of a pwecious moment mindset some display to mothers

Precious moments, oh they don't happen either side of working day or at weekends, get over yourself people.

Having worked in nurseries I wouldn't be quick to use one for such a young baby, they don't get the individualized care. What about a child minder or a nanny or even an aupair if you have room in your house?

I wish we could just have some treaty to knock all the "same old" on the head permanently. If erveryone could refrain from implying
-that SAHMS lack work ethic
-that WOHMs are cold or neglectful
-that SAHMs are soppy and sentimental
-that WOHMs are materialistic

we might a) have more useful debates and b) better support other women

Do you have a spare room? If so get an aupair, cheaper than nursery, 1:1 care, baby it her own environment house clean and tidy. (Not sure if any pitfalls, I just know my mates who work FT have no complaints with this arrangement....would love one myself!

Of course people believe that parental care is the best thing.
Maybe the OP believes that as well but financially is unable to manage that.
The thing is, a lot of mothers return to work because they couldn't manage on one wage. So they may, in an ideal world want to SAH but can't manage it, feel guilty because they can't SAH and then read all this about how terrible it is to use childcare.

I'm a sahm because that's the right thing for now for our family. I still feel guilty I haven't broadened his horizons enough and that he's too clingy with me. I think you feel guilty as a mother whatever you do, so the only solution is look at what is best for your family now and do what you want to do. I'm in France where most women go back to work when their babies are 3 months old and they are just fine and most children I meet are very close to their parents so I do not think she will end up hating you, definitely not. I think it's terrible your friends have made you feel guilty like this.
Regarding how to fit everything in, from what my friends have said you just have to be super organised. Have earls ready in the freezer, share the housework with your husband.
Good luck - there is no right way to be a parent, just do whatever you feel is best for your family.

Op stick to your plan.get used to fact folks will opine. Practise your oh really face
Visit plenty nurseries, ask about and do unannounced visits
And compartmentalise,don't be the weepy new mum at work.youll be fine

Yes SM but what's wrong with supporting the OP without putting SAHPs down?

Confidence in one's own choice is a much better example to show OPs who are feeling guilty about going back to work.

And putting other's down for their choices, doesn't make anyone look confident or happy with their own.

Far too many judge pants being hoisted on this thread. Do what you need/ wish to do. Either way you can make it work for you and dcs.

I'm just deploring the cattiness on both sides Tantrum.

And for anyone like the OP who is not completely sure of her nursery plan, but is financially compelled to return FT, maybe the childminder vs nursery debate is the one we should most usefully be having.

Have you considered childminder, OP?

Precious moments, oh they don't happen either side of working day or at weekends, get over yourself people.

I think you need to re-read the thread before telling 'people' to get over themselves.

Only one person has repeatedly mentioned precious moments, although she seems unable to spell it properly.

I've never felt maternal guilt.not a moment not a jot.its not a given
Pragmatically we all need money.housewives that income come from partner
For others the finances are earned jointly.both work

We all make the decisions that are right for our family. That's different in every case.

Only you can decide, and with the information you have given I would say that FT nursery sounds like a good plan for all of you.

BUT... It doesn't matter what I think, or what anyone else thinks. You need to learn to ignore the disparaging comments and judgemental voices because they offer nothing positive or constructive. Mummy guilt is pointless. Leave it at the door and get a on with life. It will make for a much happier family allows round.

I had to work away for 2 months when my youngest was 1 - strangely enough he has no recollection of it at all.

Hmmm, damaged? I think not.

OP, you wanted positive stories - both my boys have flourished in various forms of childcare, I have no regrets at all.

It can be a logistical nightmare at times, but I can honestly vouch for the fact that my boys (now 8 & 11) are perfectly happy, well rounded, independent, outgoing boys who do not feel in any way abandoned by either myself or their dad.

fideline can I just say that is by far the most sensible post in a while and probably a very good idea.

I think the OP, sadly, has left the thread which is a shame.

But anyway. I preferred nursery care. I visited a lot of places, nurseries and childminders and found a nursery that I loved. However I know a lot of people who prefer childminders as it is more of a home environment IYSWIM and I know some wonderful childminders who offer that.

OP if you are still reading, did you consider a cm?

SAHP don't teach work ethic

I love it when people come onto these threads suggesting if the OP has 'considered working part-time' or 'could you afford not to work for a year or two', like they've got the perfect solution and hit upon something OP hasn't considered.

The fact is that OP has to return to work full-time. The chances are that she's been considering little else but what her options are for the past few months. Treating her like some kind of idiot who hasn't be able to think of these things for herself is insulting imo.

OP has started this thread for reassurance. She wants to hear from people in a similar position who will tell her what she's doing isn't the heinous crime some have led her to believe.

OP, you shouldn't feel guilty. You are doing what thousands of women have done before and it has been ok for them. Do all you can to lighten the load domestically and expect to feel tired and a bit sad at first. That is normal, it's a big change and there's no point in pretending it will all be easy. However, you will find your groove and your DD will be absolutely fine. The worst bit is the anticipation of it all and that's nearly over.

And I think some of uou are looking to derail an overall supportive thread
I used phrase pwecious moments,three posts out of 25.hardly a onslaught
Others have cited their pov working mum Is good role model.

Oh and can i just say, that I don't think SAHMs are lazy or have no work ethic or whatever else has been said.

It would not have benefited my family to have me as a SAHM. But I know that a lot of parents are fantastic SAHMs and provide a wonderful upbringing for their DCs.

And I also do not think that SAHM are dependent or whatever on their DHs, I believe that if one person works and one SAH then the money is joint. Earned by both.

My DS went to nursery at 6mo. He was the happiest baby, loved the place, talked early, is far more sociable that I was at equivalent ages (I had a SAHM and never went to anything until school), and still has the gift of getting on with everyone now he's at school. He also has no problem with chatting and playing children who are much older than him too.

If you have got a nursery where they have very experienced people in charge of the babies (mine did; the most senior staff were in the baby room) and the key worker really is the person looking after the littlies all the time, then they bond as if they were being looked after by a family member. DS still calls his old key worker 'auntie' when we pop in to see her.

I also did all I could to be with and talk to DS the rest of the time, doing attachment parenting while I could, to offset the separation in the day. I still have a little cuddlemonster!

Worked vv well for my family in our circumstances. If the family is happy, baby picks up on that, and it's worth more than any amount of sadness/frustration if the mum really wants or needs to go back to work and is stuck at home. But yes you do feel dreadful for the first few weeks, and jump every time the phone rings!