to send my 6 month old dd to full time nursery

[bluebeanie]

I'm heading back to work soon. Mat leave has gone far too quickly.

We don't have any family nearby for any help. She's formula fed, so no problem there. We really need two wages coming in. My mat leave was a very generous 6 months full pay. Our combined incomes will just cover all bills, some savings and the childcare. Plus, it is a critical time in both our careers.

The closer I get to the end, the more guilty I feel. I get the feeling many people think this is too young. I've been given the look of horror by several friends and family members.

Have any other mums got experience of this? How do you fit housework etc in? We probably can't afford a cleaner. I guess I just need some positive stories please. Will she hate me?

[keb1]

I feel a bit ambiguous about this thb. Not much help I suppose!! I do believe babies need their mothers more than they need savings in the bank. Is there some way you could compromise on some things and maybe go back part time? That way it's best of both worlds?

[scottishmummy]

It's only guilt trip if you accept it.no one ever says being there,or pwecious moments to dad
Bottom line is being solvent fills fridge,maintains a career and can make for happy family
Men are considered steady,reliable when they're working parent,but wine are berated when they work

[FiscalCliffRocksThisTown]

OP, why do you feel this is all your decision/responsibility/guilt?

Does the child have a father?

Does he feel equally torn?

Does he feel equally worried about how he is going to fit in the housework after he comes back from work?

[scottishmummy]

Actually yes babies benefit from savings in bank by being in a solvent household
By being raised In an environment were financial stress isn't prevalent

[fideline]

Noone has said pwecious moments at all, scottish.

[Thurlow]

So true, sm. Why is it considered so awful for a mum to want to work?

I also always want to know what world people live in where they think employers are so understanding of.p/t work - I hardly know anyone who's been allowed to return p/t!

[scottishmummy]

Op where is the dad in all this?is he wracked with guilt?worried about societal response
My dp was never once asked to explain why he returned ft after weans
No man ever berated me for working ft.only women have opined or had the face

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

Maybe the OP doesn't want to work part time?
Maybe a part time wage isn't enough?
Maybe her paticular career is not suitable for part time work?

What a ridiculous comment. How can you possibly suggest part time based on knowing nothing about the ops circumstances?

[Abstractingplay]

Essiebee what a judgemental post!

I wonder what people who bang on about how it is soooooooooo much better for mothers to be at home with the dc think families ought to do who actually struggle with paying for a roof over their heads, food and bills. Would they say that in that case it's better for the mother to be in employment? In that case is 'being a sahm' the prerogative of the 'professional' classes I.e. where dp earns enough to pay for rent/mortgage, food, bills clothes and everything else?

[fideline]

All this "nursery at 6 months is a great idea" advice would probably sound more convincing if some of the posters offering didn't sound so acidic and disparaging of other choices.

If I was OP, i think it might alarm me that the women who were endorsing my intended plan sounded so vitriolic and bitchy.

Some of you, IMVHO, are undermining your intended message.

[fideline]

" How can you possibly suggest part time based on knowing nothing about the ops circumstances?"

How can anyone suggest/endorse ANYTHING without knowing OPs circs? Or knowing anything about her baby?

[scottishmummy]

No one expects mento work pt upon parenthood,so don't expect it of mothers
Pt isn't necessarily always available,or desired.has risk of being marginalised on mummy track
And bottom line is we all need money to fill fridge.mothers love doesn't fill fridge pay housing

[scottishmummy]

Op is getting realistic support,and numerous feedback nursery ft is ok
There nothing undermining about that feedback that it will be ok
16-17yrs down line others report no adverse reaction to ft nursery

[FuckingWankwings]

fideline, I disagree. I think the overwhelming sentiment on this thread is 'Do what suits you'. People have shared about their experience of early nursery to show support/encouragement for the OP. I don't see much evidence of people being 'disparaging or 'vitriolic and bitchy.'

IMO, comments like 'She needs you, not savings in the bank' and 'why do people have kids if they cant afford to be there for them?' are the bitchy and disparaging ones.

[scottishmummy]

Fideline,Suggesting op may miss her baby if she spends more time with her,that's acidic

[5Foot5]

All this "nursery at 6 months is a great idea" advice would probably sound more convincing if some of the posters offering didn't sound so acidic and disparaging of other choices.

If I was OP, i think it might alarm me that the women who were endorsing my intended plan sounded so vitriolic and bitchy.

Some of you, IMVHO, are undermining your intended message.

Example please. I have scanned back through the entire thread and can't see a single post that you could be referring to.

Most of the people who highlight 6 months as a good age do so for the reason that babies often find it easier to start nursery then than they would a few months later. Is that acidic or disparaging?

[WorraLiberty]

All this "nursery at 6 months is a great idea" advice would probably sound more convincing if some of the posters offering didn't sound so acidic and disparaging of other choices.

Yes I agree

However ime, there is normally only one acceptable opinion on threads like this.

OP just do what's right for you and yours and don't take any notice of other people's comments/opinions.

That goes for SAHPs too.

[scottishmummy]

I've read op being berated for considering nursery,usual be there comments
Scant mention of the dad,who presumably will return ft?why he not included in derision
Some of you seem stuck on the motherhood=giving things up competition

[JassyRadlett]

Essiebee, what self-indulgent twaddle.

If I were to stay at home it would be entirely selfish - because me staying home wouldn't be the best outcome for my child. It would be self-indulgent and the outcomes for both of us would probably be worse. Others' circumstances are different.

Fideline - OP has made in clear in OP that staying home is not an option, financially, and money is an issue to the point where getting a cleaner is questionable. People have provided advice based on those circumstances, providing information from their own experiences. Gvien the OP's stated circumstances, idiotic statements about how OP might 'actually miss' her child seem quite unhelpful and deserve to be singled out as such.

I'm fine with parents staying home - and if my DH wanted to stay home with our child I'd support him in that. Me working is what's best for our whole family, so we find a way to make it work.

[fideline]

I think that that PP was suggesting that she might miss the baby if she puts her in nursery and therefore part-time first might be wise to test the water.

But for sure a couple of anti-nursery-at-six-month posters have popped up with provocative one-liners. Those posts were not constructive.

So why not let them stand as what they are? Why retaliate with all the pwecious moments nonsense and the references to SAHMs being dependant on others?

Why not stick to constructive advice?

[scottishmummy]

The only aciduc and disparaging comments are those berating nursery and ft work

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

Well exactly that. fideline.

So how is suggesting part time work a valid option then?

People who have used full time childcare have given their experience if using it.
People who clearly are against it have said things like, work part time, your baby needs you more than money, why have children if you can't afford to look after them.

[fideline]

So explain, please, specifically, this "pwecious moments" thing.

[scottishmummy]

Op has been clear she can't afford not to work.so advising delay return pointless
I know some on mn believe in the magic chicken feeds 24 for week and eke out existence
This is not applicable to the op,so it's great to read the all worked out ok posts

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

fideline I would imagine that everyone misses their babies at first. But not everyone has part time or SAH as an option because, well, people need food and heat and light and clothing.
If everyone who missed their baby gave up work, then no one would be bloody working would they?

Sometimes, you have to suck it up and get on with it. Because you have to