to send my 6 month old dd to full time nursery

[bluebeanie]

I'm heading back to work soon. Mat leave has gone far too quickly.

We don't have any family nearby for any help. She's formula fed, so no problem there. We really need two wages coming in. My mat leave was a very generous 6 months full pay. Our combined incomes will just cover all bills, some savings and the childcare. Plus, it is a critical time in both our careers.

The closer I get to the end, the more guilty I feel. I get the feeling many people think this is too young. I've been given the look of horror by several friends and family members.

Have any other mums got experience of this? How do you fit housework etc in? We probably can't afford a cleaner. I guess I just need some positive stories please. Will she hate me?

*with children who are much older

We'll I'm financially dependent on my DH but overall if he fucked off tomorrow I can get work very easily and I would be able to provide for my two kids without him (but don't mention pension planning to me)

I don't think I would feels as comfortable if I didn't have training and career behind me. But I'm retraining anyway. I will return to work having had a good rest from 'it' as in paid employment, and DH will retire earlier than I and be the SAHP

some people genuinely do believe that parental care is much better for children up to the age of at least two.

How snarky. And catty.

I agree tailtwister.of no value to suggest part time or delayed return to work
Given if they were feasible options she'd have considered them presumably
Might as well suggest the mn magic chicken, and cutting back.just as useless

DS went to nursery at 6 months - he (and i struggled) but I think this was a lot to do with him only being there 2 or 3 days a week - after a while nursery suggested he had a couple of weeks full time- this really helped as he got used to it and was a lot more settled.
Make sure you are happy with the nursery -that really helps (i loved mine).
A CM is an alternative you could consider- i didn't as I wanted to feel that DS was getting something out of his childcare environment that he wouldn't get from being at home with me - but my DN's went to CM's at a similar age and loved it and settled very easily

And some people think Elvis is still alive of no significance what others think
Pragmatically if op needs two wages to fill fridge,pay housing etc then that's it

This thread was lovely and constructive and practical until the bizarre interventions from chippers and Essiebee (who have subsequently absconded) having a go at the OP for going back to work. No one had mentioned SAHMs until that point. Really unhelpful derailment which wasn't helpful to the OP but I can understand why people responded as they did to the sily posts. The vitriol aimed at full-time working mothers both in real life and on MN gets wearing.

I agree that I don't see why these threads have to descend into justifying one's own choices by criticising someone else's - particularly when this is clearly an emotional time for the OP.

Anyway - on topic! I agree that the CM v nursery debate is a useful one; for me (like Tantrums) I looked at both and nursery was by far the best option. They pay their staff a bit better than the norm (which I then pay for, but am happy to) so they have good staff retention, amazing staff who form lasting relationships with the children.

All the CMs I saw seemed very focused on the schoolchildren in their care and the babies were something to slot around that. I know that's what some people are looking for - just like at home - but it felt a bit unbalanced to me. It may just be the demgraphics of my area, though, or perhaps I was unlucky

Some people have mentioned au pairs - I thought au pairs weren't supposed to have full charge of children (especially babies) apart from limited hours?

So OP lots of babies got to nursery from that age, look around you we not living in a commune, though MN makes us think we should be at times.

You LO will be fine, you will choose a good nursery and you will be delighted to see all the lovely thing they make you even at this young age! You will see them do thing you would never have thought of or done with them. You will see a well socialised child, knows how to line up, take turns, etc.

You will. Have the benefit of asking for advice from staff if you not sure about something, I found this helpful as I dint have family nearby. You will meet lots of other working parents and make some good friends.

Just about what is best for the family overall I short term, long term.

It's nice to read the well they're 17 and all grown up now responses

I do have to pull up the poster who said babies in nurseries don't get individualised care. The maximum ratio of carer to babies is legally the same no matter what the setting, so a CM with the maximum number of babies in her care will not be delivering anything very different. What matters is the quality of the care and the person, not the setting.

FWIW my DDs had the same key worker from when they started nursery to the moment they left to start school, and they still hug their former key workers when we meet them in town. It's important to find a really good childcare setting, whatever that setting is, and to not be afraid to change if it is not working.

I also wish we could get away from the SAHM/WOHM slanging match. We are all doing what we feel is best for us and our families.

Sorry I should say I worked with my first, I went part time, I looked after ds on my own through a separation (we reconciled halfway through divorce) and now with second I'm a sahp. Both my kids are fine.

Moonbells, your nursery sounds like mine. DS still calls his first key person 'My [Hername]' and she comes to visit him in his current room regularly.

This morning, he was talking to me about his current key person, saying he did, x, y and z things with her. Then he paused and said really contentedly, 'She's my person'.

It made me smile.

I worked full time, so anyway I've die all combos, I've changed it as and when to suit our situation which takes into account jobs and needs of children.

Now choose a nice nursery, that's what you should be asking about.

If you are still reading OP, ds1 thrived at nursery and turned out to be the most sociable and happy of young children who settled into school with ease and continued like this throughout his childhood.

It will all be fine, with planning from you and your dh your dd will thrive and be very happy.

Ignore the less than supportive posts.

Sort out the practical stuff,you and do share who goes when baby is il
Share tasks,online shopping and don't have default of nursery call you as mum
And yes you need to be adept at ignoring negative comments

Hello all. Wow, I went away to do some errands and there have been a fair lot of responses!

I'll say the minimum as I really was just posting about my family's circumstances and don't want to pass judgement on anyone else's choices or situations.

Thank you for the overwhelmingly positive support and advice. I really appreciate it as I don't have much choice in the matter.

I am very happy with the nursery. My Dh works full time. He lost his job the day before I was due and was very lucky to get another a week later. That meant minimal paternity leave, which was a shame, but needs must. Part time for a bit isn't an option as it would mean a permanent change to my contract and we couldn't afford it anyway. I said savings - I meant day to day items and xmas etc as well as the longer term planning such as Uni etc, which we'd really like to help with.

Mine went to nursery from 6.5 months (2 days nursery, 2 with grandparents - yes, we're very lucky)

To be honest I never felt guilty, although I don't like having to have him up and out of the house at 7.15 am, it's what we NEED to do.

DS is just gone 2, still at nursery and still going to the grandparents. He's happy and settled and has never struggled to go in like some children who started when they were older.

It's part of his routine - he's sociable and does a massive variety of activities etc at Nanas and Nursery that I'd never be able to cover at home.

I think as the OP made it clear she would not be gaining financially and it was a career decision is fine, everybody is entitled to make their own choices.
It seems as though those talking about not using childcare had considered this tbh.

Find a nursery you love and go for it. Good luck!

Bluebeanie - being happy with the nursery is crucial, so sounds like your dd should be fine. You're right to think about the future, being able to help with higher education costs could make a real difference to your dd's future.

My dd went to nursery ft from 10 mths and loves it, my nieces all went from 6 months old (including one who is SN) and have grown up to be lovely, responsible, caring girls who have a loving, close relationship with their parents.

Toddlers are very different to babies, it's hard to imagine now but your dd will really welcome the stimulation and the company of other children as she grows older.

If you can at all afford any help with housework it's well worth it. Also supermarket shopping online is a life saver.

I do not understand women who feel guilty about sending their children to nursery...nor women who cry over it. I don't mean to sound insensitive but I find it ridiculous. You are sending them to a nursery not down a coal mine or up a chimney...I don't get it.

Ignore the judgy people, at 6 months the nursery will have a high staff/child ratio so lots of attention and cuddles for your DD.
With our DS1 he was with a childminder from 6 months, I found it hard but needs must. Some people judged me for it.
A few years on and this time around with DD1 I am luckily in the position that I hope to take a year off, yet people are judging me for that - even some of the same people who judged me for going back after 6 months last time (I'm looking at you MIL!!) so as I say ignore the judgy people and do what's best for you and your family!

yanbu personally I would probably choose a childminder for full time care but having had kids for a few years now I actually know some which I didn't when I was at your point!
Sigh. ... men get called 'hard working' and 'good providers' for working full time. Babies need dads as much as mums.

I work FT, and I wouldn't have been ready to go back at 6 months HOWEVER, by 10 months I was climbing the walls with boredom, and now DS is a toddler (nearly 2) there is no way I'd cope with being a SAHM - he gets a FAR better experience in a high quality nursery than he would with me at home all day every day.

My point about me not being ready when DS was 6 months isn't to make you feel bad, its to make the point that if you've got no choice but to go back now, it's probably not long until you'd start to be desperate to go back anyway. Once they're over 12-18 months everything is such an exhausting battle (put that down, don't eat the cat, yes you have got to wear a nappy, stop banging that cupboard, - OVER AND OVER AGAIN) - feel happy you can pay someone to do 10 hours of the battles each day!

Once they're over 12-18 months everything is such an exhausting battle (put that down, don't eat the cat, yes you have got to wear a nappy, stop banging that cupboard, - OVER AND OVER AGAIN)

YY! I love my toddler but I look at her and I think... I could be a SAHM... when you're at school...