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Original poster

To ask my boyfriend to move in with me after six weeks!

246 replies

mrscoleridge · 21/01/2014 17:07

Hi

I have posted about my lovely boyfriend before. It was love at first sight and we more or less spent every day/night together since we met,
I am completely in love with him and want to ask him to move in, I have two kids 17 and 15 who like him a lot too. In fact he spent last weekend decorating the youngest ones bedroom!
I know it's far too quick really but it feels right. He gets on with all my family and friends too and makes a big effort to talk to them.

Please be gentle

OP posts:
JessieMcJessie · 21/01/2014 17:10

I'd ask the kids first what they think. If they say OK, go for it!

MBT1987 · 21/01/2014 17:10

The rational side of me says, yes, it's too soon.

The side of me currently having my feet warmed by a very fluffy Collie since DAY 2 says, ah, go for it.

Having said that, I do have my own place still. We spend all our time together, and change the scenery.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 21/01/2014 17:11

I think 6 weeks is far too early. You're still in the early honeymoon phase of your relationship. If he's right for you you he'll still be right in, say, a year's time. If he's not then you'll save a whole lot of heartache by having your own places.

DollyHouse · 21/01/2014 17:11

Are you serious?

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2014 17:12

FFS really OP?

Original poster
mrscoleridge · 21/01/2014 17:13

Obviously am serious or I wouldn't be asking
I think when you know you know

OP posts:
pussycatdoll · 21/01/2014 17:13

Living with 2 teenagers will put him off tbh
Isn't it nice having his place to go to ?

Original poster
mrscoleridge · 21/01/2014 17:15

I think he likes being part of a family and the four of us have fun together too. I like the fact he makes a big effort talking to them and getting to know them

OP posts:
Andcake · 21/01/2014 17:15

far to early - everyone is on their 'best behavior' still. wait until you really get to know him. I don't think you can truly trust or know someone after 6 weeks and living with them means dealing with trust about money and more importantly your kids (even thought they are quite big)
it might be ok, it might just go wrong (most likely) or at the very worst dreadful money or other things could ensue

Nancy66 · 21/01/2014 17:15

way way too early but then you seem to have done everything at break neck speed.

DaddyPigsMistress · 21/01/2014 17:15

6 weeks is nothing. You barely know him.why would you move him in with your children.

DollyHouse · 21/01/2014 17:16

You might know that you think you are in love with him but you don't know the real him. Six weeks is not long enough for that at all.

I can't even with posts like this. The fact there are women out there who completely disregard the safety of their children for the sake of troo luff makes me so angry.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/01/2014 17:16

No way would I recommend that you do this!

So what if he's nice and makes an effort to talk to family and friends, that is not enough to say 'move in with me'

Think carefully.

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2014 17:16

Yes OP but plenty of people thought they knew...and turned out to be very wrong.

What is the hurry?

At least spend a year or so dating so that you get to see the other side of him...like how he reacts in an argument/how he acts when the teenagers are playing up.

It's not a great example to set to them either really.

VelmaD · 21/01/2014 17:16

Even without kids on the scene six weeks is far too quick.

Add kids and yes, yabu and seriously take a step back!

I had the love at first sight thing with current bf. Completely besotted both sides. But I have children and responsibilities. And even now at six months we've only done two overnights with the kids.

Granted mine are a lot younger, but seriously?!

Six weeks? When your children are at ages of exams and hormones?

Have you thought about what happens if it goes wrong when the honermoon period has worn off?!

natwebb79 · 21/01/2014 17:17

I moved in with DH after 4 months but we were ready after a month. Only reason we didn't is because of 'what others might think'. Only you know. Smile

Pinkandwhite · 21/01/2014 17:18

I really, really wouldn't do this. I understand why you want to but it could be a massive mistake. What's the rush? Living together can be stressful - particularly at the beginning whilst you both/all get used to it. I'd just enjoy things as they are for several more months if I was you.

bochead · 21/01/2014 17:19

6 weeks is not nearly long enough for any closet skeletons to be revealed about this man. It's not JUST him - he'll have a family, friends, life etc that you won't have had time to properly research.

The LAST thing you want is to discover 6 months down the line about his ol' junkie school mate who crashes on his sofa every time he passes through, or his lunatic ex from 5 years ago who periodically smashes his windscreen, his perverted BIL who hits on schoolgirls, or that your MIL has ishooos the like of which you've never seen before. Noone is an island, unless all their family is dead, and they've just got after serving a 20 year stretch. These are all worst case scenarios but give an idea of the wide range of unknowns you could be unknowingly taking on, even if your man is himself the nicest, most salt of the earth decent bloke you've ever come across.

Living together means you end up sharing ALL his baggage, most of which will still be unknown at this stage and you still have 2 kids at home. If you were on your own, I'd say fair enough, but you can't take risks with your kids welfare. Give it a little longer, if it's meant to last forever, a few months longer really sussing the lay of the land will be nothing in the scheme of things.

KellyHopter · 21/01/2014 17:19

Far too early.
If you didn't have kids at home then you could do whatever as long as you felt you could deal with the fall out of it all going wrong, but I think it's really unfair on your children.
It's their home and no, they aren't old enough to understand the implications or likely consequences enough for their opinions to influence your decision.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 21/01/2014 17:20

I moved in with my DH after two months. 28 years later still going strong. We just KNEW. That said, we did not have teenage children (we do now have a 25 and 23 year old!)

LadyBeagleEyes · 21/01/2014 17:21

Are you quite mad Op?
What's the rush, and you're not thinking of your teenagers at all.
Wait and see how it goes.

VivaLeBeaver · 21/01/2014 17:21

I did this and it worked out ok but two massive differences here.

I'd known him for 3 years as a friend and we had loads of mutual friends.

I didn't have any kids to consider.

I don't think its fair to inflict a new man on two kids even if they are teens. Does it send a good message to them??? Not in my opinion.

Slow down and enjoy the dating.

NatashaBee · 21/01/2014 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheZeeTeam · 21/01/2014 17:21

I've lived with DH from the day we met so it's probably a bit hypocritical to say, no way! We were 20 and silly. You're a parent of teenagers, so that's a whole other ball game. Just enjoy what you have right now.

Original poster
mrscoleridge · 21/01/2014 17:21

I agree with Nat that only we know.
I think we will hold off a bit anyway as he would have to give notice on his flat anyway. My house is for sale so be nice to chose something together rather than moving into an established home.
For the record I trust him and am an educated woman of 47 and do have my eyes open. He's a good guy

OP posts: