To ask my boyfriend to move in with me after six weeks!

[mrscoleridge]

Hi

I have posted about my lovely boyfriend before. It was love at first sight and we more or less spent every day/night together since we met,
I am completely in love with him and want to ask him to move in, I have two kids 17 and 15 who like him a lot too. In fact he spent last weekend decorating the youngest ones bedroom!
I know it's far too quick really but it feels right. He gets on with all my family and friends too and makes a big effort to talk to them.

Please be gentle

[ChilliQueen]

Is he homeless... does he not have his own place to stay? Does he live miles away? I understand knowing when it's right (that is lovely by the way!), but it is very early and you are so loved up (I'm assuming) that you probably can't see the wood for the trees. Whatever you do, if he does move in (ideally in 6 months time), don't let him sell his own place (just in case). Don't get hurt. (Good luck though - it's a fantastic feeling!).

[BobPatSamandIgglePiggle]

Ah, i remember those first loved up days and I'd be tempted... DP moved in really quickly but i'd known him years before we got together.

However - how well do you really know him. Assuming you both work that's a few hours on a nighttime and maybe 12 full days over 6 weekends... Not a lot to really know someone

[EmmaBemma]

It can work, I moved in with my husband after two weeks, 14 years ago! We were going to get married after a month but I'm glad we saw sense and waited (for 4 years, in the end!) because it would have just freaked everyone out and put too much pressure on us. We were young though, 22, and no children. If I did have children there's no way I'd have taken things so quickly. I do remember the intensity of that time so I understand but really, if you're right for each other, what's the harm in waiting.

[BobPatSamandIgglePiggle]

Oh - and i had no kids then. With kids definitely not. My poor nice has had a few of mum's boyfriends move in. She gets attached to them and their various kids / pets then they're gone and replaced.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I agree with the majority - 6 weeks is far, far too soon.

If the relationship is as wonderful as you say it is, waiting 6 - 12 months will not harm it, and will give you all time to!be sure this is the right thing.

I know your children are older, but I don't think that changes the fact that you have to consider them first, in all of this. If he moves in, and the relationship doesn't work out, they will be devastated - far more so,than if he hadn't moved in.

And I assume they are at important points in their education - 15 years old is coming up on GCSEs, and 17 is AS/A level age - I think you need to make ure their home life stays as secure and calm as possible during this time.

[Hmmkay]

I moved in with my now dh after about the same time BUT I had known him as a close friend for about a year before that AND we had no children. I was 20 and could have quite easily moved back in with my mum if it hadn't worked out so there was no pressure or commitment really.

It did work out for us fortunately (12 years down the line with 3 dc) but I would never do this if I had children already, even if they were teenagers. I would wait, there really is no need to rush, as exciting and "right" as it all seems.

[stardusty5]

I moved in with DP after about 7 months, although it was clear early on that it would happen and that we were serious about each other. So in that way we both 'knew'. No children involved.

I thought that we did it quite fast and to be honest, if we weren't both skint paying big rents each i don't think we would have done it until at least 12-18 months.

[Rooners]

No, because you DO NOT KNOW HIM.

Also do not put his name on the new house documents. If you do, you're being a fool.

Keep everything very separate. This man is only known to you on a superficial level. Yes you're having sex but that doesn't mean you know what he is like when he's angry, when he doesn't like what you're saying, when he is ill, when he is in an argument with another bloke, when he disapproves of your children's behaviour.

You know all the positives but nONE ofthe negatives. Not yet.

I don't mean ditch him. I mean just fecking wait! and if the relationship is that good then you can afford to wait....yes?

[Nancy66]

Well that's her told...!!

[foreverondiet]

If you feel that way you should ask him but equally maybe he shouldn't move all his stuff in / keep his flat / put stuff into storage - and basically agree to discuss in say 3 months time how you feel etc

[AnyFucker]

is she listening though ?

[Rooners]

Nancy - I am trying my best - I was in the same position as the OP 2 years ago. I just want to be as direct as I can because I understand totally what she is feeling like, and how dangerous it is.

I am now a single parent again with another baby and rather afraid of the man I thought was so brilliant ever turning up again.

I was in love too, but I didn't know him - and I didn't know he had a 20+ year history of domestic violence either. How can you after 6 weeks?

[ll31]

Amazingly stupid thing to do, and if he was so great he woukd realise that. Consider impact on your teenagers if he turns our not to be so great.

[SilverApples]

He rents his flat, she owns her house. Presumably you've talked to your children about selling up and buying something together?

[Poppy67]

How many days, or hours have you spent with this guy? Where is he living? Is he able to contribute? Does he need any additional support?

Spend some time dating before living together.

[Nancy66]

Rooners - meant the whole thread, not just you. I agree with everything said.

Op seems to have gone AWOL though.

[Rooners]

Also mine didn't even bloody move in. He tried to but by then he'd started to show who he was in his behaviour, and I was really uncomfortable with it, so I said no.

That was about the best decision I have ever made in my life tbh. Once a man has his feet under the table he's going to be a nightmare to get shot of.

[Rooners]

Sorry Nan - wasn't sure due to our posts being together.

I understand anyway.

[missymayhemsmum]

I did this, when my kids were similar age to yours, with their approval. 3 years and 1 baby later, the police 'helped' him to move out again. We are all still recovering.
You do not know this man yet. Your children do not know him either. Insist he keeps his own place and spends at least a couple of nights a week there so you can spend time with your kids. Enjoy being in love, but keep some independent time.
If he resists you taking things slowly, (tears, anger, persuasion, manipulation) read the warning signs. Moving into your life very quickly and taking over is one of the common features of abusive relationships.
Even if he turns out to be wonderful, and you are destined to grow old together, moving in with two teenagers is enough to destruction test any relationship. Why risk it?

[mrscoleridge]

I know what you are all saying. He is financially stable and runs his own business. He's a hard worker and would contribute financially

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

OP, if you're still reading....

Has the conversation about him moving in been floated around or is this still just in your mind?

Has he mentioned ' looking for a new flat' or ' I'm fed up with the neighbours'.

Just asking.

[DollyHouse]

Oh well as long as he will help financially that will make up for it if he turns out to be abusive or into teenage girls.

[JupiterGentlefly]

I would have moved in with an expartner of mine after 6 weeks.. I was in luurveee, I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Thank God I didn't. He was the nastiest piece of work I have ever had the misfortune to come across.
Whats the rush?

[DollyHouse]

And as if you can't make up finances or businesses for six weeks