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Original poster

To ask my boyfriend to move in with me after six weeks!

246 replies

mrscoleridge · 21/01/2014 17:07

Hi

I have posted about my lovely boyfriend before. It was love at first sight and we more or less spent every day/night together since we met,
I am completely in love with him and want to ask him to move in, I have two kids 17 and 15 who like him a lot too. In fact he spent last weekend decorating the youngest ones bedroom!
I know it's far too quick really but it feels right. He gets on with all my family and friends too and makes a big effort to talk to them.

Please be gentle

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 22/01/2014 15:50

Well done for coming back to thread Mrs C.

When it comes down to it you are going to do what you're going to do - just be cautious though.

Of course most men aren't pervs and chancers but where's the harm in hanging back a bit and making sure?

DollyHouse · 22/01/2014 15:51

Not every single man. Some. Six weeks isn't long enough to work out whether yours is a predator or not. That is the whole point of waiting. If you're prepared to risk your children's safety because "this time it feels different" then I feel sorry for your daughters. What kind of a mother puts men before the safety of their children?

There's almost no point repeating what we've written though. You'll move him in and then you'll see the true him. Hopefully he won't be like the men people have warned you about. What a shame you don't value your daughters enough to wait.

LadyBeagleEyes · 22/01/2014 15:55

I just don't understand the rush. It's good at the moment, why on earth are you so desperate to speed things up?
If he's all you think he is, he will be in 6 months time and longer.
When you know you know?
Do you read a lot of Mills and Boon?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 22/01/2014 16:14

I wasn't even thinking that he would prey on your DDs, more that you don't know him properly! I'm sure he's lovely, so spend time with him and enjoy, don't rush past this stage. You have plenty of time.

glasgowsteven · 22/01/2014 16:25

Well she has returned...

i read your comments, and this time its different I luff him so much, he makes me feel young again..

Best of luck OP.....

Also - no one is saying he is a pedo - imagine him in a few years, with unfettered access to your late teenage daughters......

Maybe they can move in with their dad and let you do what you want to with the man who dicknotized you

pictish · 22/01/2014 16:55

Oh right...we are hysterical...and you are perfectly rational.
Because when you know, you know...right?

Okaaaaay.

PleaseJustLeaveYourBrotherAlon · 22/01/2014 17:12

This time it feels different and I think there is some hysteria in the idea that every single man is waiting to prey on the daughters of single mothers.

No just that a sane logical person considers her teen daughters safety and feelings before letting a stranger move in.

Just as a man who understood the real aspects of step parenting would consider the situation after more than 6 weeks before moving in with 2 teenagers.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 22/01/2014 17:33

It's a stark bollock mad idea to even think about asking him.

You're still going ahead then?

VelvetSpoon · 22/01/2014 17:58

You're being utterly pathetic.

As I think someone said upthread you are cockstruck.

It's limmerance. It will fade.

This guy might not be a perv. He might even not be a cocklodger. But any normal, decent man who wasn't using you as a crutch to get over the death of his partner wouldn't be playing happy families with you and your DC after a month.

I see little or no chance of this working out long term, and nor do you, hence your compulsion to seal the deal and move him in after a few weeks, at the expense of your DC's stability and security.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/01/2014 18:10

If this relationship is so great, mrscoleridge, it will still be great in 6 months or a year's time. But by then the honeymoon period will be over, and you will both have seen the real person in the other, not the 'on-my-best-behaviour' personality you are currently seeing.

What about the damage it could do to your dds, at a very sensitive point in their educations, if you move this chap in, they get attached, and it all falls apart? Are you really willing to take that risk, so you can behave like a love struck teenager?

Your first responsibility is to your dds, not to your love life.

1974rach · 22/01/2014 18:21

Not every single man...Some. There is a BIG difference.

No one has said to you dump him and run for the hills. We've said give it a bit longer that's all. He may well be the man you spend the rest of your life with and if that's the case then what have you lost?

I am sure you know that the first flush of love (lust) fades. I love my OH but I miss the early dating days when we dated and there were no niggles about food shopping, who used up the bog roll, and bloody channel hopping like his life depends on it.

Put on your big girl pants and your mummy hat and THINK!!

I can't shift this thought that you think were picking on you - we're not. You asked for opinions you're getting them, unfortunately I don't think we're telling you what you wanted to hear.

Ultimately you will do what you want to do and that's your perogative. But having read through this thread it couldn't be clearer that waiting a bit longer is what you are being advised to do.

theywillgrowup · 22/01/2014 18:47

was with my abusive (in every sense) ex for 6 yrs and i NEVER let him move in

anyway last februay i caught him yet again cheating,i finished it for good this time and would not take him back

within the 2months we had finished he kept dating this women and had her move 100 miles to live with him in HIS LA house ,she gave up her,home,young adult children,her grandchildren,job basically everything

she has no friends down here and is more like a housekeeper,dosent visit her kids etc and he has been showing his true colours,in the pub all the time,doing what he likes having huge public rows etc (i have seen this for myself)

all the nice places he used to take her have stopped and they go to the same pub every day,see he dosent have to try anymore

i doubt she knew we were together at the time

im just saying some people act very different once time has passed and they have got what they wanted

VivaLeBeaver · 22/01/2014 18:47

Its not even the possibility that he might be a pedophile.

Its the probability that your teen girls will not feel comfortable living with a man who their mother only met six weeks ago. You're in love with him, they are not. Put them first.

pictish · 22/01/2014 18:53

Well said Viva.

OP - why...just why would you make your daughters live with a man you have known a mere few weeks?

This is your fantasy island - why would you consider making it theirs as well? They didn't choose him - YOU did!

And don't bother waxing lyrical about how well they get along and how your girls really like him...so what if they do?! YOU don't know him. Don't be so selfish and irresponsible as to force him on their lives full time at this stage.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/01/2014 19:04

I think there is some hysteria in the idea that every single man is waiting to prey on the daughters of single mothers

Yes, there is. That would be why nobody said it.

coco44 · 22/01/2014 19:14

I don't think we're telling you what you wanted to hear

I don't think you're hearing what we want to tell you!

Droves · 22/01/2014 19:26

Dont do it OP , its just too soon.

Wait , at least a year after youve bought your next home. And make sure its legally watertight that IF you ever move him in , he cant get it from you if you split .

If hes as good a guy as you say , hed be happy to wait until you both know everything about each other .

If hes a shit in disguise , he wont want to wait and be all indignant about it .

HidingFromDD · 22/01/2014 20:53

Hi MrsC
I'm not going to comment on whether it is too soon for you and your bf, plenty of others have done that, but I do have 2 dds similar in age to yours (16 & 18) and am also single, have been seeing my bf for 6 months. Whilst he gets on well with my dds, this is a period of their lives when they have a lot of changes going on, are studying for exams, deciding where to go next (Uni or further training) and changing and growing a lot. I wouldn't ask them to also have to start living with another adult in the house, understand all the compromises that inevitably entails, at a time when they have other things to concentrate.

Things may work out perfectly smoothly, but there is a risk that it won't. I'm not referring to whether he's an abusive a**e, or a pervert, but more that he may have different ideas on tidiness, whether teenagers should disappear off in the evening, who gets control of the remote, all the day to day stuff that you have to work out when you start to live together. It can be a tricky time for 2 adults, you are considering it for 2 adults and 2 nearly adults and so it does need more careful handlng.

If he is 'the one' then there is plenty of time to live together, and you may have a much better long term future if you can make the start a little easier and slower

Hogwash · 22/01/2014 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyBeagleEyes · 22/01/2014 23:21

I just can't believe a 47 year old educated woman could be so bloody stupid.
You haven't listened to anybody on the thread Op, I've no idea why you posted in the first place.

Hogwash · 23/01/2014 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PleaseJustLeaveYourBrotherAlon · 23/01/2014 14:04

Consider the possibility op that your dd won't as adults see this new man as part of the family. And just move out, or in with their dad. Will it be worth it?

Kirstya1985 · 19/09/2018 12:21

I am in a similar situation me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 4 months we have both fallen head over heels we spend as much time together as possible I'm 33 he's 35 he is the loveliest kindest person I have ever met or been with we have literally everything in common he and I both believe we have found our soulmate I am actually moving close to him soon and I really want to ask him to move in with me but I don't know how to ask him he has said and hinted about moving in together eventually we have both said we've never felt this way about anyone before I have 2 children 6 and 3 and they keep asking me when Chris will live with us my boys adore him any advice on how to ask will be great

Conkernudge · 19/09/2018 12:29

ZOMBIE THREAD!

Twotailed · 19/09/2018 12:30

I felt the same as you when I met my DH. I called my sister the day after and told her I was going to marry him. And I did (5 years later) and I was right.

But 6 weeks is too soon. You haven’t had time to go through the normal ups and downs of life together. You’re still in the honeymoon phase, before their quirks have started to irritate you and before you know that they’ll still be there for you when you’re at your worst and things are really difficult.

Give it time. It’s more fair on you, your kids and your partner. You need time to really get to know a person, no matter how wonderful they are.

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