To ask my boyfriend to move in with me after six weeks!

[mrscoleridge]

Hi

I have posted about my lovely boyfriend before. It was love at first sight and we more or less spent every day/night together since we met,
I am completely in love with him and want to ask him to move in, I have two kids 17 and 15 who like him a lot too. In fact he spent last weekend decorating the youngest ones bedroom!
I know it's far too quick really but it feels right. He gets on with all my family and friends too and makes a big effort to talk to them.

Please be gentle

[expatinscotland]

You don't know him. You have two kids at home. You are being ridiculous.

[JupiterGentlefly]

Whats a cock lodger?

[JupiterGentlefly]

I run my own business. It has a great 'turnover'. I work bloody hard. I am almost bankrupt.

[Rooners]

Mine was a hard worker too. He worked all the hours, and kept trying to give me money all the time.

He was still as abusive as they get.

[Monetbyhimself]

Where did you meet him ?

[KatnipEvergreen]

I would leave it a bit longer - are you in such a hurry to wash his dirty socks and sweaty pillows? Just think now you have all the benefits without the inconvenience. No manfarts under the duvet. Control of the remote.

But then, DH and I moved in together after dating for all of four months, no children though and we were 23/27 respectively - different when you are older with dependent children. Also we were only renting together for two years before buying anything so no financial commitments were made in the early stages. We didn't get married for 5 years and had DD1 a year after that.

[1974rach]

Please please wait.

What's the rush? Just enjoy the early loveliness of dating. I moved in with an ex after a month. In the grand scheme of stupid things to do it was the stupidest thing I ever did.

You honestly don't know this man, and in reality he doesn't know you. There is a world of difference in getting along and living together.

Think about it again in 6 months. Please??

[ChilliQueen]

Dear OP, I think perhaps replies not as gentle as you'd have liked, but I think it really is too soon, and obviously people here have lots of experience. Enjoy the 'going out with someone phase'. It is usually, in my opinion, one of the better phases! However many nights he is staying each week, please make him keep his own place. Save at least a few nights of the week for you and your DC on your own. Take it slowly - more fun - and you'll learn so much more.

[iamonthepursuitofhappiness]

I let my last partner move in (not so dear now) far sooner than I was ready because he was a good guy, worked hard, did some DIY, was great with the kids and all that cobblers. You have no idea of the shit I put up with (nothing involving my kids, thank God) but he was an entitled, selfish, alcoholic, misogynist and it took a cataclysmic event for me to end the relationship after 4 years.

Act in haste, repent at leisure springs to mind!

As someone else said, if you are meant to be together, what difference will a year make in the whole scheme of things? Why don't you enjoy this stage rather than rushing to the next stage in such a hurry?

[91chloejp]

Why the 'desperation'? 6 weeks isn't long enough and that's inviting someone into your space. Can you really know someone that well so soon? No.

Slow down.

[vindscreenviper]

Have you thought about how your ex will react to this op? He might not be too keen on his daughters sharing their home with a guy you met 6 weeks ago, would this cause a lot of unnecessary grief and drama?

[MuttonCadet]

He is financially stable and runs his own business but rents a flat? I'd be very wary of this.

Why would he want to move in with a woman with two teenagers so quickly? It's great that you like each other, but have a little patience.

[ChilliQueen]

Also... you need to think about the example you are setting to your DC. Would you want one of them to move in with a boy/girlfriend after such a short space of time?

[EirikurNoromaour]

Don't be such a fool!

[BertieBottsJustGotMarried]

Well, since everyone's posting happy ending stories I may as well share my two bad experiences (one has a happy ending though :))

I moved in with a boyfriend after 3 months together. It didn't end well. Everything was great until he got bored of his Mr Perfect act and then I basically lost 3 years of my life to an absolute fuckwit which I will never get back. Oh, and I got pregnant as well so that put speed bumps in the rest of my life and actually being happy.

Luckily, I met someone else later on and am now very happy. I moved in with him after 10 months. This was too soon as well, put a massive strain on us and we nearly split up. He, by chance, got a job abroad and moved out for a year. Moved back in and it's totally different and now we are married. But I think we would have split up had he not moved out when he did.

[doodahwhatsit]

a bit too soon, can you all go on holiday as a little test? holidays can bring out the best - or worst - in a relationship?

[eddielizzard]

well if you know you might as well wait. i know you think you know but really good conmen are good because they're so believable!

please please wait. wait until one of you goes through a tough time and see how you both deal with it. this really isn't worth rushing.

[ImperialBlether]

Completely and utterly stupid, thoughtless and stupid.

You may be educated, OP, but it appears you've learned nothing. You may be mature in age, but you're clearly too besotted for that maturity to be any use now.

You just sound arrogant. "When you know, you know." Sorry, this is absolute crap. Did you know that you knew before, with your children's father/s? What exactly DO you know? You cannot know very much at all in six weeks - or rather all you can know is that you and he feel pulled together. You have NO idea how he copes in a vast range of situations.

Have you never heard of "Marry in haste, repent at leisure"? OK you're not talking about marrying (yet) but the principle still applies.

[ImperialBlether]

That should be "Completely and utterly stupid, thoughtless and selfish." I got caught up in the stupidity, hence the repetition.

[flowery]

If he is remotely a decent guy, there is no way he will consider this.

[VampyreofTimeandMemory]

imo it's too soon but is there actually any evidence to suggest he's a twat...?

[coco44]

Looking through your threads it seems you have 2 teenage daughters.
Can't you see how vulnerable they would be bringing a man into the house who you hardly know?

[ImperialBlether]

And what kind of message is that sending to teenage daughters?

I noticed from your other threads you were with someone in 2011 and you also have an ex husband. Did you rush into those relationships?

[DoJo]

What if your daughters lived with their father and he moved in a girlfriend after knowing them for 6 weeks? Would you worry that they were going to be sidelined, unhappy, or feel uncomfortable in their own home due to a stranger living there? Would you want your 17 year old to leave home to live with a boy she had known for 6 weeks?
Basically, you are prioritising your romance over your daughters and that's not just a terrible idea but a damaging one too. If things go wrong, your children are at an age where they might just up and leave and it would be very hard to rebuild that relationship. Are you really prepared to risk that happening?