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AIBU?

To ask my boyfriend to move in with me after six weeks!

246 replies

mrscoleridge · 21/01/2014 17:07

Hi

I have posted about my lovely boyfriend before. It was love at first sight and we more or less spent every day/night together since we met,
I am completely in love with him and want to ask him to move in, I have two kids 17 and 15 who like him a lot too. In fact he spent last weekend decorating the youngest ones bedroom!
I know it's far too quick really but it feels right. He gets on with all my family and friends too and makes a big effort to talk to them.

Please be gentle

OP posts:

Report

formerbabe · 21/01/2014 17:22

Sorry but you are crazy!

Relationships are often more exciting/fun/romantic when you don't live together and get bogged down by chores/housework/day to day living.

Why not keep it as it is?

You will probably find that the honeymoon phase comes to an abrupt end if you live together.

Nancy66 · 21/01/2014 17:23

how old is he?

Helpyourself · 21/01/2014 17:23

How would you feel of one of your dcs wanted to move in with a partner? Because you're giving them a very strong message that relationships are easy and no big deal. And if its not great and you do break up you reinforce that 'whatever' message.

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2014 17:24

What does your age and education have to do with it OP?

Even mature, educated people can end up with a total arse...especially if they rush headlong into a relationship.

expatinscotland · 21/01/2014 17:24

Hell no! Far too soon.

DaddyPigsMistress · 21/01/2014 17:25

Would you be happy with your teens moving in with a boyfriend/girlfriend after a 6 weeks?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/01/2014 17:25

His flat is rented and you're selling your house in order to buy a new one together?

Are you really really sure that would be a good idea?

mrscoleridge · 21/01/2014 17:25

He's 44 and been in long committed relationships before

OP posts:

mrscoleridge · 21/01/2014 17:26

I was selling and downsizing anyway before I met him

OP posts:

DollyHouse · 21/01/2014 17:26

He's a good guy? Are you stupid? At six weeks you don't know if he's a good guy, an abuser, a guy with a thing for dopey women with teenage daughters he will get access to very easily.

How did you meet him? Online? This is so ridiculous.

pictish · 21/01/2014 17:26

Too soon.

Of course he's making a big effort - he's on his best behaviour, as we all are in the honeymoon phase of a brand new relationship...which is what this is...a brand new relationship.

My advice is to slow down, and NOT ask him to move in...yet!

You may feel as though you know him, but you don't. Not really. You know what he has let you know so far. Anyone can behave for 6 weeks.

If this is the love of your life then it won't hurt to take your time.

MomentForLife · 21/01/2014 17:26

No way. Sorry but if you had no kids and responsibiliy i'd say see what happens. But theres too much at stake here.

Please believe me when i say that i know he is probably genuine, but as a single mum myself i would be suspicious of a man wanting so much from me and my kids straight away. Like i said, probably genuine but would you want to find out the hard way if it wasn't?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 21/01/2014 17:27

YABU. It's far too soon to welcome him as part of your family.

expatinscotland · 21/01/2014 17:27

And? Sounds like you have lost the plot. I can't believe anyone would even consider something so dumb, much less with two kids.

FayeKorgasm · 21/01/2014 17:27

I get where you are coming from, I got engaged after 3 months - we were friends before hand, so he was know to me for far longer than the time we were in a relationship. However, we didn't actually live together for another 6 or 7 months.

I would say wait a bit. It doesn't mean you aren't sure about how you feel, it will give you time for a sanity check.

BTW. We are now happily married.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/01/2014 17:28

So you're downsizing?

Are you expecting to make a healthy profit on the sale?

Would he bring any equity with him in the new house?

SilverApples · 21/01/2014 17:29

I'd have sleepovers/ad hoc living together and holidays first, let him keep his flat and see how things go.
You have dependent children, and a life already, and that shouldn't be risked.
That said, I did the whole kiss/sex/move in together phase in a week with my OH. No children were involved though, and I knew him as a friend already.

VelmaD · 21/01/2014 17:30

You know that bit of you that says "ooh wouldn't it be nice to move in after six weeks, buy a house together live happily ever after"?

Well when you have kids and responsibilities one of them is to have those thoughts but think of others and not act impulsively like a sixteen test old.

Think of them yes. Act on them no. If he's perfect and for keeps he will stick around for six months or a year and date. Get to know you. Have fun.

But fgs, dont move a man you dont know into your home with impressionable and vulnerable kids. On a romantic whim.

pictish · 21/01/2014 17:32

For the record I trust him and am an educated woman of 47 and do have my eyes open. He's a good guy

That makes you sound more naive and starry eyed than anything you have said so far.
Do you think it is only uneducated women that end up in shit relationships? Well it sure as hell isn't. Having an education does not equate being a good judge of character I'm afraid.

He's a good guy. Yes I'm sure he is, after only six poxy weeks. What about after six months though? You haven't got a clue have you?

bebopanddoowop · 21/01/2014 17:33

Well I would say it's too soon, but I'd be a massive hypocrite.

My now DH & started looking at houses together after a month, got joint mortgage and had completed (with me moving cities) by 6 months.. 2 and a bit years on we've been married 9 months and have a baby on the way and are both happier than happy.

The relationship before when I moved in quickly was disastrous though and one of my worst decisions!

I don't have kids yet though so was more in a position to make quick moves that might wreck my life - ha!

I don't think a stranger can tell you - listen carefully to those closest to you and to yourself and talk it over with him before you make a big statement of 'asking him' mull it over etc

Scrabbleyurt · 21/01/2014 17:34

I'm with almost everyone else on this. If you've got forever together, why the rush?

Plenty of people have thought they had a 'good guy' after six weeks, only to find further down the line that he's actually stingy, or aggressive in arguments, or lazy or worse!

With teenagers to consider, I think you would be mad to move in together now. Sorry, I know that's not what you wanted to hear.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 21/01/2014 17:36

I moved in with DH about 4 months into the relationship. Wish i did it sooner.

however now I am a parent, I would wait a year minimum.

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pictish · 21/01/2014 17:37

I have a feeling we may as well be talking to the cat here.
The OP will ask him to move in anyway.

AnyFucker · 21/01/2014 17:38

oh dear

stark staring red flags all over this

DollyHouse · 21/01/2014 17:38

OP will focus on the replies that said they did it too completely ignoring the fact the posters said they had no children at the time.

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