To have spent £110 on DGS1 (5) this Christmas and £16 on DGS2 (8 months)?

[Sneezecakesmum]

Sounds horrendous but

DGS1 has cerebral palsy and has a special place in my heart.

DGS1 has had tons of toys from me and others still new as he simply can't manage to use them, plus more toys than normal as we've struggled to find something he can use. DGS2 lives in a virtual toy shop!

DGS2 will probably be happier with the boxes and paper!

I'm just hoping my DD and DSIL will see this or will they think I have BU?

OBVIOUSLY WHEN DGS2 IS OLDER IT WILL BE DIFFERENT

I think spending different amounts is fine but that's a huge difference and could well cause problems I'd have thought.

As long as DGS2 has had a present chosen with love and care, I wouldn't mind. However, you said, "has a special place in my heart". Be careful with that. Your DD and DSIL may pick that up and it may cause problems.

DGS2 is knee deep in new toys, unworn clothes, books, equipment etc. so I can't even think of anything he needs let alone wants.

The present price difference - not a big deal. The present difference combined with 'a special place in my heart' could mean big problems eventually.

I think it's just too much of a gap. My kids get the same amount from grandparents whether it be in parcels or cash. Sometimes one of them will only have 1 present and more cash depends on what present they get. I use the cash for new school shoes in the spring.

I don't think you are BU. my little one is 4 months and I have only spent £25 on her toys. We have bought all her clothes and other bigger toys (jumperoo, activity mat, bouncer/ swing) as and when she has needed it. If it were up to my DH we wouldn't have got her anything except maybe for a cardboard box :)

When she gets older she will have a little more spent on her but she won't really know any difference now or for a few years to come.

I adore the little DGS2 as well, but he is just a happy bouncy, healthy baby and had not had to bear all the nasty things DGS1 has in his short life.

Stick the remainder in an education fund. That's something he 'needs'.

Ouch. Doesnt mean he deserves less at christmas though.

Are they brothers or are they from different families. If they are brothers then YANBU. DGS2 will get what his brother has finished with. If they are from different families then YABU and you should put something into DGS2's bank account to address the balance. It does not need to be exactly equal but should be more fair than that.

I hope DGS2 will grow on you.

True it is a bit excessive, but I really struggled (again) to find something he could actually play with and an expensive scalextric seemed the only thing. Even then daddy will have to play with him which he will love doing so it'll be a bit of a chore

How old is DSGS2 (or whatever it is!) ? Think that's key.

They are brothers and I adore both or them. It's just DGS1 is my special boy. Though I won't say that when the baby hits one in case he understands me!

Dgs2 is only 8 months

From a parents perspective with a child that had a really hard start in life (due to illness, fine now) compared to my other child, I have in the past found it hard when the eldest has a special place compared to my other child, I had to speak to my dad as he was harsher on the younger one than the elder one despite behaviour being the same, all fine now, but it made me sad, and I think had I not intervened it could have caused a problem.

The amount doesn't matter but the content does and if you have got one more than the other that isn't fair, and the younger one could always do with the next size up clothes maybe?, or you could give contribute to the next stage car seat or something.

I hope you also don't say it in front of your DD.

Yep, that's fine then :) imo the baby will have no clue, and you've gone a bit mad trying to find something suitable for the eldest.

You won't get away with that for long, but for now, enjoy Christmas!!

(You sound a lovely GP btw)

The price difference doesn't matter but if its because of favouritism then its different.

He has a jumperoo, trike, swing, 2 sit on toys, etc... Hundreds of unused toys. I already put money into a saver for both of them.

As long as they both have a present that has been chosen with thought I don't think it will be a problem and your daughter may be having the same thoughts about what she herself has bought.
My daughter has cerebral palsy so I know just what you mean.
Some of the toys we have bought from specialist companies with adapted switches etc have inflated prices anyway and a lot of the cheaper toys are just not suitable. I always find I end up spending more than I planned on her.
Might have been an issue if the second child was older but at eight months its not as if he's going to notice.

" It's just DGS1 is my special boy"

To be honest I find this attitude and making such a difference between children is disgusting

I think both should be treated the same but many parents on here spend far more on one child than another so i expect to see lots of replies saying its fine.

Whilst there may be toys etc handed down, it cant be nice going through life always having second hand whilst siblings get everything new.

Hes 8 months old. He wont notice or care YANBU.

Dgs2 will also grow to have a special place in your heart and as long as your treat them fairly when he is old enough to be aware then it is no problem.

^^ this