To have spent £110 on DGS1 (5) this Christmas and £16 on DGS2 (8 months)?

[Sneezecakesmum]

Sounds horrendous but

DGS1 has cerebral palsy and has a special place in my heart.

DGS1 has had tons of toys from me and others still new as he simply can't manage to use them, plus more toys than normal as we've struggled to find something he can use. DGS2 lives in a virtual toy shop!

DGS2 will probably be happier with the boxes and paper!

I'm just hoping my DD and DSIL will see this or will they think I have BU?

sneeze it is obvious here that you like the eldest so much more, unless you are an amazing actor everyone else will be aware too, (not sure why your dd hasn't out her foot down) and the baby will soon get the idea too.

The kindest thing you could do for both grandkids is make sure they have a good relationship. You don't seem to care as much about gs2 as you do about the older one but just looking at it from the older ones point of view; his doting grandmother who does everything for him is goings be gone one day and not just a few years of his adult life probably the majority of his life he is going to have to get by without you, help build a good relationship between the brothers, don't give him the sense he is more special than the other and focus on the whole family unit being strong. Once you and the parents are gone he may only have his brother and right now his brother will resent him and you I imagine.

Specialagent

I hope you don't mind me asking, it is genuine curiosity not any form of criticism so forgive me if this also offends but why does the reference to Stephen Hawkin upset you so much?

sneeze I'm sorry you have been given a hard time, my older dd has CP caused by birth hypoxia, she was cooled but didn't have a 'miracle recovery' just so you know that. There are dangers to cooling, who knows what would have happened.

I 'get' what you mean. Asleep on my lap is dd2, 6months and healthy. I could buy the earth for dd1 but what she really really needs can never be bought. A new brain. One that works properly. Dd2 will never have the challenges dd1 has. It is complex and I am only beginning to comprehend the complexity of my feelings - I think you're v v v brave taking those similar feelings to the AIBU bull pit.

Merry Christmas to you and your family x

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I don't think it was based on nothing you'd written to be honest, OP. I think the phrasing was spectacularly unfortunate. But as you've now clarified, you aren't actually leaving everything to DGS1 and the rest can sod off. You've talked it over with your kids and they agree, and in case things change you are in effect setting up an informal family trust, with it being understood that the most vulnerable family members get the benefit, and right now that looks like it will be him.

I think it's normal to feel more passionately about an older child. It can take a while to truly fall in love with a new baby, while also feeling loving towards them. As the younger grows, so will that relationship. As long as you're open to that, and aware of the huge emotional price favouritism will exact of the favoured as well as the less favoured, and you ensure you do not damage the kids in this way, then no problem, no.

The problem is, as so many have related (and so many other threads on here from distressed parents of children who are treated very differently by grandparents show) that there are an awful lot of GM out there who behave exactly as your initial posts indicate. And assuming all people have built-in antennae for that is simply naive; they don't. And the kids suffer. So if you're saying you're aware of the potential problems and committed to avoiding it, and have arranged your will flexibly so the most vulnerable are the beneficiaries, that is actually not what your first posts said at all - but it's a wholly reasonable position.