To have spent £110 on DGS1 (5) this Christmas and £16 on DGS2 (8 months)?

[Sneezecakesmum]

Sounds horrendous but

DGS1 has cerebral palsy and has a special place in my heart.

DGS1 has had tons of toys from me and others still new as he simply can't manage to use them, plus more toys than normal as we've struggled to find something he can use. DGS2 lives in a virtual toy shop!

DGS2 will probably be happier with the boxes and paper!

I'm just hoping my DD and DSIL will see this or will they think I have BU?

[allnewtaketwo]

Hhmmmmm yet the fact that he's not he favoured one rings louder than any of that

[SqueakyCleanLibertine]

Sorry he's 5 not 15 (sleep deprived)

But I still don't understand the viciousness towards the op.

I never expected my baby to get the same didn't on her as ds who's older, it balances out as they grow.

Calling the op a bitch ffs, what is that about?!

[HedgehogsRevenge]

I think people are being a tad harsh here. Surely OP can't help how she feels about dgs1? As long as she does'nt make it obvious as they get older, it's not like she does'nt give them both love and attention as she's stated that she does. An 8 month old does'nt even know what Christmas is and she's said she'll spend the same on dgs2 when he's older.
I have a ds who has a special place in my parents heart. They see him almost everyday and have practically co-parented with me as I am a SP and they've looked after him 3-4 days a week from 5 months old and yes they spend more on him than his cousins as they have 2 parents and 2 sets of GP's to buy for them and ds only has me. None of the cousins know what the others get, is that really so bad?
I realize that it's slightly different as we are talking about brothers. OP why dont you explain your reasons to the parents and see what they think.

[ImAlpharius]

You don't seem to have much/any faith in your own DC or their ability to discern what is best for their own childs future.
If my parents left all/the bulk of thier estate for one of my siblings that woould make perfect sense to me, if my GP's did that without filtering through parents etc I would find it overbearing and wierd.

[Sneezecakesmum]

I can't help but feel there is a lot of negative and sad projection of your own sad childhood experiences being expressed here rather than an understanding that a healthy baby doesn't need material possessions! just love and attention (which he gets).

[allnewtaketwo]

Squeaky I think you've missed the whole point. It's more than presents, it's the OPs blatant favouritism if the elder one and he impact this has in te other child's self esteem - nothing to do with presents and nothing to do with money. THATs whats toxic, not the particular sum spent this year at Christmas

[Tapiocapearl]

I think you should treat your grand children equally what ever age they are. Put extra money into dgc2's account to even things out.

I also think that the eldest grand child won't need a whole house. He just needs a ground floor flat or small house. I think the other grandchildren should at least have house deposit money to even things up.

[GobbySadcase]

He's healthy NOW.
Have you got a crystal ball?

He won't be a baby when he finds out just how much you preferred his brother to him.

[AngelsLieToKeepControl]

It is very possible dgs2 may end up being a carer for his brother, will that make him more worthy of equal treatment in your eyes?

[Tapiocapearl]

Did you have favourites with your own children?

[Sneezecakesmum]

Hedge. Yes I have looked after DGS 1 a lot while DD works and I've helped most days with his physical care, so I love him dearly.

But I also love the baby and look forward to doing 'normal' stuff with him.

Maybe I feel guilty that DGS 1 won't have that time with me. I don't know.

[Sneezecakesmum]

No of course I have no favourites with my own children.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

Is this a reverse?OP are you tge DD?

[Hulababy]

But it really isn't to do with the presents...it is the obvious favouritism. That is coming through from the way the OP is descibing her DGS1. Yes, she is saying that she loves them both the same nd gives them the same level of attnetion - but the first posts say that DGS1 IS the favoured grandchild, the "special" one. It is those works which are the real issue here.

[Sneezecakesmum]

If circumstances change then so will my plans.

[insanityscatching]

I think you are BU. I have two children with disabilities and three without and I would have been hugely offended if mine or dh's parents had overindulged two at the expense of the other three.
The other three already lost out in terms of time and attention from us for that then to have been reproduced by GP's would have hurt dreadfully and I wouldn't have stood for it.
It isn't just in terms of monetary value that your dgs2 is losing out it's your whole attitude that you are displaying here that places very firmly as being second best to his sibling.
Be very careful because your dgs2's parents might just decide they won't stand for it either.

[allnewtaketwo]

Why " of course I have no favourites with my own children"

[SqueakyCleanLibertine]

allnew I think you missed the point of a bit of decency,I know it's AIBU but really? A troll or a bitch. Lovely.

And news flash... my eldest had a special place in my mum's heart, she's known him for many years, she adores my dd, and I've no doubt they'll grow just as close, but is it so shocking in these circumstances, and with the ages that she had a soft spot for the eldest?

[Tapiocapearl]

There is no guarantee that DGC2 won't be ill or disabled in the future. Yes he's healthy now

[DustyBaubles]

I worry now that my healthy (so far) children will struggle to find a home of their own.

Private rents are insane even now, and mortgages unobtainable for huge numbers of people.

It actually keeps me awake at night.

If anyone were to think of leaving a house to one of my children, while taking a 'fuck off and fend for yourself' attitude to the other, I'd be beyond hurt.

[allnewtaketwo]

"If circumstances change then so will my plans."

But not if circumstances change after your death. DGC 2 could end up being a carer, severely depressed and unable to work, disabled himself, or anything

[Sneezecakesmum]

How can I be a bitch if I have spent the last 5 years helping to care for my disabled GS? I have spent nearly 4 years longer knowing him and learning to love him, so of course he is closer to me. But I intend to do the same with the baby when DD goes back to work.

[Sneezecakesmum]

Allnew. I think you are being a bit melodramatic. He does have parents too!

[PrimalLass]

I think it is fine to spend that when the baby is so little. As usual you are getting a hard time from some when it is unwarranted. Also, some daughters are perfectly fine with heir mothers calling their GC 'theirs'. My Mum flew back from the Middle East a week after going there when my DS was tiny because I fell apart when she left. The first thing she said when I opened the door was 'Where's my boy'. It melts my heart 8 years later.

[TheCurseOfTinsel]

the house thing I can nderstand, especially if you are looking at a future in care - WInterbourne View, anyone? I will do my utmost to ensure my child is kept as far away form a care system like that as possible. Which may well mean leaving one child (the one currently absolutely unable to fend for herself, live independently or get a job at all) 'more' than her siblings. In reality, it will mean giving them a more equal footing in life - the right to a life free from abuse. Equality is not always about everybody having exactly the same thing.

BUT the attitude, as other posters have said of 'oh poor dgs1 needs more because he is special is one which would annoy me, as a parent (as does the opposite attitude, as I said above)