To have spent £110 on DGS1 (5) this Christmas and £16 on DGS2 (8 months)?

[Sneezecakesmum]

Sounds horrendous but

DGS1 has cerebral palsy and has a special place in my heart.

DGS1 has had tons of toys from me and others still new as he simply can't manage to use them, plus more toys than normal as we've struggled to find something he can use. DGS2 lives in a virtual toy shop!

DGS2 will probably be happier with the boxes and paper!

I'm just hoping my DD and DSIL will see this or will they think I have BU?

[DustyBaubles]

It really is that bad.

You have no idea what the future holds for either of those children.

You are setting the younger child up to resent his brother, and their parents to feel both beholden to you and incredibly hurt by your actions.

The entire family will be affected by your utterly selfish actions.

What if a third grandchild enters the ring, will they be less worthy still?

[Sneezecakesmum]

I don't intend to die any time soon and obviously if things changed I would rewrite my will.

Can I restate. Next year when the baby is a totter and much more 'aware' they will get equal presents!

Also I love both GSs and make just as much fuss over both of them.

The presents this year are just material things and to me are not as important as the love both boys get from me.

[AllThatGlistensIsChristmassy]

Oh good god. I can't believe you can't see how blatant and wrong your favouritism is! Your poor daughter, she must see it

[Rachelx92]

My brother was always preferred over my sister and I so he always got nice and expensive gifts whilst I ended up with stuff of no use to me that seemed like last minute ideas. I could sense from as young as I remember that my brother was favourite so I think it's your attitude towards both kids that matters more than expensive gifts. Babies are smarter than we think and the 8 month old will eventually pick up on the favouritism

[TheCurseOfTinsel]

oh, and just try looking at this from the other persepctive (sadly I have experience of this) - what if someone favoured the younger child because he was not disabled? (my PIL tend to send more presents, even birthday cards etc, for my younger 2. my eldest is often missed out, or just gets a token present (not by prior agreement because of lack of interest, but because they do not value her as much as the other 2)

I find that attitude disgusting, but so is favouring a child because of their disability.

[SqueakyCleanLibertine]

allnew seriously, have a word with yourself.

The op maybe a bit misguided, but it comes from a living place, both kids are loved, one is 15 with severe problems, one is 8 months ffs.

The house may be a touch too far, but I can totally see your thinking op.

Please ignore some of the more caustic posters.

[allnewtaketwo]

"I don't intend to die any time soon and obviously if things changed I would rewrite my will"

And what if after you die (having left your house to eldest GC) the youngest has a horrible accident and loses a limb - no earning potential and no home? You really have not thought any of this through. I can only assume you either had a toxic childhood yourself or you are extremely nasty, or dim

[gobbynorthernbird]

I hope to god that your DD isn't on MN, I'd be gutted if my mum felt like that.

[Heathcliff27]

Erm one is 5 not 15, does help if you read the thread properly

[GobbySadcase]

But it's not about presents any more.

Leaving an entire property to one when you're leaving the other nothing is deeply toxic.

[Mckayz]

Estella, they are siblings.

Squeaky, he is 5 not 15.

[Sneezecakesmum]

Should my DGS 1 live in a care home then, maybe with elderly people, because he is unable to fend for himself financially or should I give him some financial security?

DGS 2 will be left money but unless disaster strikes he will grow up strong, healthy, intelligent and capable of providing for himself and a family. DGS 1 will probably have none of these things.

[Heathcliff27]

Should your house not be left to your children for them to decide how to use profits to their best use at the time.

[allnewtaketwo]

"Should my DGS 1 live in a care home then, maybe with elderly people, because he is unable to fend for himself financially or should I give him some financial security?"

Why don't you stop wasting ridiculous amounts of money on unused toys then and save enough to leave money/assets to BOTH of them

[Mckayz]

But unless you can see into the future you have no idea what could happen to DGS2 do you?

Plus the awful resentment you will probably cause between 2 brothers.

[sykadelic15]

It is irrational to think kids will get the same amount spent on them in their lifetime, let alone at the same time as each other. Things like toy's becoming cheaper/more expensive, earning more/less money, different interests, ages all change that. It would also be irrational to keep a tally or for anyone else to keep a tally... that said... many people are irrational.

If it appears to your family that you are favouring one child over the other (and especially concerned it will become obvious to the other child) then they might take issue with it.

The baby right now is only 8 months so really doesn't need much at all, and the other child is sick enough he will have a LOT of money and attention spent on him, disproportionate to the baby, through his lifetime. The baby as he grows may not notice this difference in a bad way... or he may see it in a good way because people will over-compensate to make sure he feels included/special.

You could try telling his parents that you've noticed he doesn't really need anything for now and bought him a little present for Christmas but to let you know if he does down the line OR you can wait till his birthday (which isn't that far away) and get it then. Sort of like "making it up" at that bday.

[GobbySadcase]

You don't know that.
At 8 months we believed our children to be strong, healthy and with the world at their feet.

That's not going to happen now. Two if not three will require sheltered housing.

You can't say how life is going to be for that 8 month old.

I really hope your DD catches on to this and does what she can to protect her children from this awful behaviour.

[randomAXEofkindness]

Honestly I think we're past talking about the presents, it doesn't matter what the op gives dg2 for christmas, he'll know where he stands when his brother gets a house off her and he gets feck all. It won't matter what came before.

[allnewtaketwo]

Agree, the presents question is very peripheral to the OP's toxic attitude

[Sneezecakesmum]

Allnew. I'm very intelligent

I intend to give just as much attention to the baby as he grows as I have to the 5 year old DGS. Take him to the park, swimming, walks etc. all the things I can't do with DGS 1 because of the disability. He won't be neglected or ignored over overlooked re favouritism. He will be loved just as much.

[SatinSandals]

An 8 month doesn't need much so you could put the rest into a savings account. I don't think you should have a special grandchild.

[Pooka]

The present disparity I wouldn't have an issue with at this age.

However your fundamental attitude to both boys is very worrying to me. I think that leaving the house to the eldest only is a massive mistake and terribly terribly unfair.

No one knows what the future holds. What if dgs2 finds himself unable to work for some as yet unknown reason?

Why are you expecting or anticipating dgs2 abandoning his brother to a care home? Or his own parents doing that for that matter.

By being so unequal in your provisions you run the risk of planting the seed of resentment that could have a negative impact on their brotherly relationship.

I think you need to really imagine how dgs2 might feel as he gets older. The present disparity is symptomatic of a larger problem IMO.

[eurochick]

I agree with others - the present disparity is fine given the ages. The attitude and favouritism is really not.