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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want any more house guests, ever.

191 replies

carlywurly · 01/09/2013 15:53

That really. We are lucky to live in a popular holiday area, not far from the beach. As property is great value, we've got a bigger house than where we lived before. Every school holiday I'm inundated by requests to visit from family, friends and former colleagues and have always said yes to everyone to the extent that we had people staying for 10 weeks of last year.

This year I've just had enough. The constant mess, noise and expense has left me knackered. People turn up with a bottle of wine and expect full board for a week. They head off home leaving the house full of sand and endless loads of washing behind them. The "we'll just use you as a base" crowd drive me mad as do the ones who expect every day to be planned out for them. And don't get Me started on the ones who don't contact us at any other time except the run up to summer.

I love seeing people but can't do this anymore. I've had 3 requests for oct half term. Aibu just to say no? What do others do? Sorry for ranting, am cranky and tired Confused

OP posts:
FlutteringButterflie · 01/09/2013 15:57

YANBU.

However I think to say no house guests ever is maybe not the right approach to take.
Only accept those who's company you actually enjoy, consider to be a friend and actually keep in contact with you all year round.

ihearsounds · 01/09/2013 15:59

Yea sure, let me send you over some b&b/hotel details.
Oh you mean you want to stay here with me?
Ok, well it will cost you £1000 a week. For this you get the room only. If you want bedding and towels these will be provided at additional cost.

fluffyraggies · 01/09/2013 16:01

YANBU.

Just because you live by the sea doesn't mean you have to be a free B&B!

Practice saying ''oh, sorry, no that's not going to be possible''.

Viking1 · 01/09/2013 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

raisah · 01/09/2013 16:01

Can you not go away for hakf term? Or say that you are taking in paying guests from now on? Would it be a possible to become a b&b for the summer, it will put the freeloaders off and you can earn some money. Or alternatively, say no it doesnt work for us.

MousyMouse · 01/09/2013 16:01

yanbu to be selective.
only say yes if you really like to.

fluffyraggies · 01/09/2013 16:03

and if, like me, you like to have a reason to tag on to a 'no', then have some reasons written by the phone which you can rotate so you're not caught out :)

softlysoftly · 01/09/2013 16:03

YANBU we tend to be fully booked for the same reasons in school holidays, I'm looking forward to school starting for a break.

Luckily all of our visitors are people we like though thats mainly due to my parents being AWESOME gatekeepers between the "lets use you as the base" lot and us. "Oh sorry softlysoftly daughter is sooooo busy and her house is soooo tiny" lie lie lie.

Say no or start lying!

whois · 01/09/2013 16:08

"Great, would love to see to. Check out our listing on airbnb to see availability"

Might as well make some cash :-)

youarewinning · 01/09/2013 16:12

YANBU.

I agree that if you are going to have visitors they pay their way. So when people ask to stay for a week say yes, we have a X supermarket nearby that delivers if you want to do you food shop before you come, for when you arrive.

Original poster
carlywurly · 01/09/2013 16:14

I do have a lovely friend who pays to let the house every time were away (similar ones go for £1500 per week in high season Shock) and leaves it immaculate, and a fair few who are really hospitable in return.

It's the bloody lot who use every towel in the place and have two showers a day that get my goat, water bills are astronomical in this area and my summer bill last year was £50 more than usual. And wtf do people do with all the loo roll??!

I need to get harsh.

OP posts:
Flicktheswitch · 01/09/2013 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cardibach · 01/09/2013 16:21

It's the bedding that gets me down. In the summer I really struggle to dry it as I have no tumble dryer - I use the Aga to dry in the winter, but it's off at the moment to save on oil. I can just about keep up with our bedding changes, but a complete set for the spare rooms/put up beds on top messes me up for weeks!
We live by the sea too.
You do just have to say no to the ones you don't want. I like fluffy 's idea of excuses by the phone!

Ruprekt · 01/09/2013 16:22

Say No to Oct half termers. Sounds like you need a break!

I dislike houseguests! SmileSmile

((Where do you live??))

Flyonthewindscreen · 01/09/2013 16:24

Did you move to your home in order to run an unpaid B & B? Say yes only to house guests whom you would like to see, have behaved acceptably on previous occasions and who keep in touch with you throughout the year.

Original poster
carlywurly · 01/09/2013 16:24

Flicktheswitch, yes, this has been said on a few occasions. The more you think about it, the more wrong it is. Basically they go out for the day after breakfast and return for dinner.. And think they're making life easier for you by getting lunch while they're out.

And once I said to an old school friend that it would be nice to see her down here one day. Ooh yes, it would be like a free holiday, was the reply. I never set a date for that one. I think it's just thoughtlessness.

OP posts:
SixPackWellies · 01/09/2013 16:25

Are you me OP?

We live in a lovely place, a few moments from the sea. If you read several of my past threads believe me you get a litany of complaints about house guests.

People forget that it is their holiday, but your life. So, I have had guests who expect to be waited on hand and foot and who do not even stump up for a bottle of wine. I have had guests who stayed (and were wined and dined) for 10 days, and who gave me as the hostess gift a single fucking honeydew melon.

I have had a guest (an ex colleague of DH) who invited himself and his wife and their teenage son (who never left his room... excuse me, my DC's room) who handed me a broom and told me to 'not be lazy' and to sweep the leaves from the terrace as they wanted to have lunch there. We are not a B&B. I have also had a guest, a friend of DH again (The honeydew melon guy) who asked me to 'host a BBQ' for some people they had met at the pub and said that we were 'welcome of course to join'.

It is our house. it is NOT a holiday let. It is not a B&B. It is our family home.

and breathe.

SixPackWellies · 01/09/2013 16:25

Oh, and I have had the 'we'll use you as a base' line as well.

Original poster
carlywurly · 01/09/2013 16:26

We're in cornwall. Smile

OP posts:
SixPackWellies · 01/09/2013 16:28

and I have had guests who after staying for a week took us out to the local pub and made such a bloody fuss about it that DH said to me out of the corner of his mouth; 'It's not like taking us to Buck Palace, now is it?'.

Bowlersarm · 01/09/2013 16:29

Ha ha you've made me laugh OP. I would hate this. I need my own space. DH however, would love our home life to be full of live in visitors. Luckily we don't live in a tourist hotspot. It would end in divorce.

Stand firm. Tell people no. You're too busy/have other people staying/are away yourselves.

SoWorriedPleaseHelp · 01/09/2013 16:29

SixPackWellies - what did you say/do in reply??? Shock

Original poster
carlywurly · 01/09/2013 16:30

Six pack, that's exactly it. They're on holiday, we aren't. I'm even working while people are staying sometimes which is utterly exhausting.

They are on holiday budgets and want ice cream and cream teas every day, we're subsidising their food and accommodation bill to the tune of hundreds.

Last week's offenders got themselves ice creams on the beach without even offering us one. They were £1.50 each.

I'm winding myself up now!

OP posts:
Pawprint · 01/09/2013 16:31

You have to be firm and say no. Make an excuse. Don't let them think they can use you as a free B&B.

SixPackWellies · 01/09/2013 16:32

what to any of it? Nothing, because I am a coward and I like an easy life. But this summer I really really really stamped my foot and had histrionics and Dh agreed his friend (honeydew melon guy) could not stay again.

Yesterday he told me he was coming at the end of September for a long weekend.

DH and I both need to get a backbone. One between two. On a timeshare.