To not want any more house guests, ever.

[carlywurly]

That really. We are lucky to live in a popular holiday area, not far from the beach. As property is great value, we've got a bigger house than where we lived before. Every school holiday I'm inundated by requests to visit from family, friends and former colleagues and have always said yes to everyone to the extent that we had people staying for 10 weeks of last year.

This year I've just had enough. The constant mess, noise and expense has left me knackered. People turn up with a bottle of wine and expect full board for a week. They head off home leaving the house full of sand and endless loads of washing behind them. The "we'll just use you as a base" crowd drive me mad as do the ones who expect every day to be planned out for them. And don't get Me started on the ones who don't contact us at any other time except the run up to summer.

I love seeing people but can't do this anymore. I've had 3 requests for oct half term. Aibu just to say no? What do others do? Sorry for ranting, am cranky and tired

I need to channel some of this. I do love seeing people, and would be happy for them to tag a night on to their holiday by coming to stay.
I just don't want to be their holiday, it's cripplingly expensive and hugely stressful and I've had enough of it.

I've only had one self-invited guest, and it will be the last one. It started off with her asking if she could crash at ours for a couple of nights while she was touring the UK, and ended up costing us hundreds to entertain her when she staying a whole week and expected us to drive her to tourist spots of her choosing. DH was too soft to say no to any of this, and I gave myself a bit of a talking to for being a tightfisted misery.

Turned out my tightfistedness was hugely amateur. She didn't put her hand in her pocket for one single thing other than for herself, even standing well back from the cash desk at tourist attractions only she wanted to go to. The last straw was the day I thought I'd lost my purse when I was buying a snack and she was choosing herself some trinket, and instead of showing concern she looked over for DH to pay for the food I'd ordered.

Love having invited guests to stay, and I hope I'm not a pisstaker when I'm in somebody else's home. But freeloaders can fuck right off.

The next time someone asks, unless it is someone who it will be a genuine joy to have come and stay, simply say breezily 'oh you know what? After having 10 weeks non stop of entertaining we are exhausted and I am on strike! Much as we'd love to see you, we are having a break from hosting guests. DO let me know if you want hotel recommendations though!'

Channel miranda's mother from the tv and there will be no arguments!

So what is the right thing to do when one is a guest in somebody else's home? We always buy food and cook meals as well as strip beds and offer to wash etc but I'm never sure whether pissing off out for the day is best or not? Tbh we've only ever stayed two weeks at a time at one friends house and they seemed delighted to see us although they did acknowledge it could get expensive having visitors all the time so we did our best to pay for them when we could although regretfully we couldn't do it all the time. Eeeks. I'd hate to think we pissed them off. We were invited back so I hope it wasn't out of politeness!

'I'm terribly sorry but,we are no longer having guests at all Unfortunatly last season we had some very inconsiderate guests who ate all our food drank all our wine a made a shocking mess.Because of that we have decided never again as a blanket policy no exceptions.Hopefully that will shame the freeloaders and you can have a select few on your terms.'

Don't apologise, and give them a wedge in with stories about inconsiderate guests (Oh, we're not like that! We'll do XYZ . . . ) or extrapolate, which pisstakers just use to their advantage.

Just, 'It won't be possible. You'll need to make other arrangements.'

You do not need to justify or make excuses or lie and it's not your job to find people accommodation.

'That won't be possible. You need to make arrangements to stay somewhere else.'

Why? 'Because that doesn't work for us.'

Two weeks is far too long to stay as a guest, IMO.

Well it was an 8 hour flight away so it wasn't really doable for a long weekend but I accept two weeks is a long time.

Do people really let friends of friends stay with them? If anyone ever asked me to have one of their friends stay I'd think they were having a laugh.

Also shocked at some of these stories. I usually try to avoid staying with friends (with some exceptions) and have offended a couple of people by staying in a hotel and refusing their offers to stay! I wouldn't be comfortable hanging round my friends' houses and would feel in the way (exceptions being eg when I've specifically been invited to see them and am only staying for one night).

Sorry OP should have said YANBU to answer your question. Seems perfectly reasonable to me. Just tell them all you've moved

We have a bit of this; a number are our former au pairs I really don't like to say no to but have occasionally been driven to when a request comes at a really inconvenient time. But oct to nov alone last yr we had 21 days of visitors...

If it's too much for us I usually just say sorry we have other plans then, which is never a lie.

I mean I gave one friend who flies in from the US and would work around when it us convenient fur us... Assuming two wks is convenient...I need to think about how to deal with costs if it comes up again.

I agree. I feel awkward as a guest in some homes. At sils you're acutely aware you're putting them out. There's only one bathroom, everyone's displaced from their usual beds to accommodate us, their pets go nuts and there's no parking for streets, so after a long journey we ended up looking for somewhere to abandon the car and staggering along with all our stuff.

One night last year. Never again. There is always a premier inn.

Well although we live by the sea, we are near a resort that most people would pay not to visit (think of a recent thread about a shit seaside resort!)

I am like Mumsy, we rarely have guests and I can't decide if it's because I am fearsome, nobody wants to come to this part of the world or we are just unpopular!

We live in a holiday part of France and I had a newish friend stay this summer, admittedly in a tent (her choice) but for 5 weeks. I thought her 2 & 3 year old would be good company for DS 2.10. They were up to a point but i ended up having to separate 3 bickering toddlers so often, I didn't let them (the toddlers) in the house unless strictly invited.

In the UK, she was on a strict 7-7 routine but on holiday she let them nap for hours in the day and then wander round all evening when we were trying to get DS to sleep and have some child free time ourselves.

We are used to having gites, but this was definitely overstepping our personal space. Luckily when our gites are renovated, we will have the cast iron excuse that we have paying guests so will not be able to host any freeloaders friends

"Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days" doesn't come near these stories!

LIke Rushyswife says, channel Miranda's mother from the TV series.

"No, we're not having guests this year. Heres a very nice b and b, and well meet for dinner one evening at the pub. Such fun!"

My boss has a posh house in France. He told me and his wife have given up having most guests because of the kind of stuff on this thread. But one year, people turned up unannounced (because they knew he'd say no if they had rung beforehand) and then declared they were staying for a few days. During which they so royally took the piss, expecting his wife (v. good cook and hostess) to wait on them, that my boss completely lost it and read the riot act. End of friendship, but end of freeloading problem too.

Thing is, if they can do that to you, then they don't really see you as friends, more as a resource they can take advantage of.

I guess these are not real friends? If they were real friends you would expect to be out of pocket and cook them nice meals (well, this is what I do for my friends) and not think anything of it. I think the problem is there are just too many of them coming, but possibly they don't realise they are one of many.

Just set a limit of however many guests you feel comfortable with. If any in particular you haven't enjoyed seeing, don't let them come again.

We stayed with some friends when we went to Oz last year. They asked us what food and drink we liked before we got there and stocked up. They gave us a lovely clean double bed, space in the wardrobe and clean towels. He drove us around on the weekends including 2 long distance day trips. They also cooked for 6 of the 9 nights. In return we:

Loaded and emptied the dishwasher
Did ours and their laundry including hanging then folding when dry
Cleaned the kitchen and bathroom surfaces on the last day
Did a top up shop mid week
Bought them dinner on the last night
Cooked for ourselves with food we'd bought one night when they were both out
Went out for dinner one evening when we knew they'd both be home so they could have one night to themselves in 9 nights

I didn't strip the bed when we left but I should have done and put a wash load on with our towels. Will do on the return visit! All while I was 22 weeks pregnant so could be forgiven for being a lazy guest. I assumed everyone treats their hosts like that?

we have had this, I just blame dh, he is a bit grumpy I just say Oh sorry, dh says if I say yes to anyone else he'll divorce me!

Oh just remembered not holiday guests per se but we invited a close friend of DH's and his gf round for dinner. When they arrived my DH commented on the size of her handbag. Apparently it was an overnight bag! "It is OK if we stay over isn't it?" Err not really we have a newborn and the spare room is an absolute tip/dumping ground! I let them stay but my DH showed me the message thread where staying over wasn't even mentioned! They only live a £10 taxi ride away!

What the actual fuck? I can't believe some of these!

We've just come back from a long weekend at a friends place (in Norfolk, so so beautiful, I want to retire there!) ... we took our own towels and sleeping bags (so just one sheet needed), cooked (and paid for of course!) one evening meal and took the host out for a very nice lunch (we did offer them some £, but they refused, so we got lunch instead!). We try as much as possible to keep our crap to 'our' room, and always offer to help, stack dishwasher etc etc. They're invited on any outings, and it's up to them if they wish to join us or not (they're always very welcome, we actually like them, not just the free accommodation!).

I never thought that human nature could shock me but this really has! The nerve and entitlement of some people.

I was feeling guilty about going to stay with a much loved and caring friend for 3 days earlier this summer only for us all (DH, DS, me) to go down with minging colds as soon as we arrived. I thought that made us terrible guests as we lounged about a lot but compared to people on here we're saints!

We live in London and have a spare room - a few of our teenage relatives show up from time to time but they are always charming, clean and bring gifts. I am shocked that people think it's OK to invite themselves on a free holiday just because you live in a tourist area. I would be embarrassed if I didn't pay rent. I find accepting hospitality very difficult and am always pushing money / food / wine on people.

If you find putting your foot down too awkward/ uncomfortable, get yourself an answering machine and let it pick up ALL your phone calls. Only call back the people you are definitely happy to have as guests. Get your answering machine to accidentally delete the messages from all the others.

"Message about coming to stay? Eh, what message? Nope, didn't get a message. Sorry it meant you couldn't reach us in time to arrange accommodation for your stay. Stupid answering machine."

My DSis and BIL come on the train to stay with my other sister who lives 5 miles away. Last year after picking them up, taking them out for the day, feeding them lunch and tea, taking them back to other Sis for 2 days I did expect to hear from them when they went home. Oh Yes they rang my DSis to give her the date they were staying this year, didn't even ring me even when my DH was rushed into hospital. In March this year I rang them to ask if they wanted something, my DSis couldn't get off the phone fast enough. This summer same again for 3 days, my DSis didn't like it because I wouldn't go out because it was so hot. She said we must be having a nice rest. ERR NO we wasn't on holiday, we still had the house, five rabbits, eight chickens, 2 grown up children at home, one with SN and a serious health condition plus we are disabled. I don't expect to hear from them until they come down next year and won't be sorry if they don't come. The other thing that really upsets me is that we haven't stayed with them since 1998 but they never mention staying with them to have a break as we haven't been on holiday since 2002. Sorry this is long but I needed a rant.