To not want any more house guests, ever.

[carlywurly]

That really. We are lucky to live in a popular holiday area, not far from the beach. As property is great value, we've got a bigger house than where we lived before. Every school holiday I'm inundated by requests to visit from family, friends and former colleagues and have always said yes to everyone to the extent that we had people staying for 10 weeks of last year.

This year I've just had enough. The constant mess, noise and expense has left me knackered. People turn up with a bottle of wine and expect full board for a week. They head off home leaving the house full of sand and endless loads of washing behind them. The "we'll just use you as a base" crowd drive me mad as do the ones who expect every day to be planned out for them. And don't get Me started on the ones who don't contact us at any other time except the run up to summer.

I love seeing people but can't do this anymore. I've had 3 requests for oct half term. Aibu just to say no? What do others do? Sorry for ranting, am cranky and tired

SixPack

I hope you shoved the broom up his arse and asked him to sweep his way home.

I had freeloaders people like this for years. Used me and the house as a hotel and on reflection, I was so tired with a new baby, I just put up with it out of politeness. The last visit was awful and I told them all to fuck off.
They did.

Sixpack that's unbelievable.

Hopefully you will get to the stage where you can say quite pleasantly 'fuck off'

We get this too. We are in Devon. People just freeload! I have been okay with it up to this summer where I am absolutely exhausted, so now rather than just letting it happen we are going to plan out our holidays and work out who is welcome and when.

Oh my god I'm not sure if you all are saints or martyrs.
I just can't believe people don't contribute or even bring their own towel!! Wtf?
They are taking the piss.
Build up a repertoire of excuses. This is what I did with my pil who used to invite themselves to ours for an all inclusive break in the Cotswolds.
I don't even care if they know I'm lying they shouldn't put you on that situation by being so cheeky.

We used to live in a fashionable part of a 'city break' destination in Spain and the visitors were constant - usually thursday to tuesday for months in a row. Wednesday I used to spend changing the beds, washing all the towels etc. We got the 'base' line all the time - charming!

I did half enjoy it - as we were living abroad, it was lovely to see old friends but good grief, it wore me down after a while - the non-stop washing and cooking and cleaning but also the wanting us to be tour guides/translators/restaurant guides - I wrote a guide in the end explainng stuff about how to use the metro etc beause I got so bored at repeating myself. It was difficult for us to make friends there ourselves because we were always entertaining visitors.

We didn't have much choice re. hosting family but even when we said no to the 'friends of a friend', they used to beg and wheedle until I gave in - hence we had people staying with us (including a friend of a friend I'd never met before) when I went into labour.

I think you have to be firm about dates, giving yourself weeks off at a time and selective about who you invite. To be honest though, some of our worse visitors were family, who we couldn't refuse.

true indeed, Goodword some of the worst are indeed family, because you feel as if you have to indulge them.

A very very very long time ago, (6+ years, when DC1 was due) I wrote a chat thread under an old MN name. Some people wanted to come and stay on her exact due date, for a week. DH said yes, and I freaked. Their response was 'first babies are usually late anyway'. I won that one, thanks to the advice of MNetters who wrote and advised me how to approach it.

Thing is, I love hosting people usually, and I love having people around me. But with 3 Dcs, with years of it, I feel tired and jaded.

Honeydew melon guy lives in a serious manor house up north. I asked Dh what it was like. His response, he has no idea, he has never seen it.

I let that lie where it fell. Even DH who is a much more generous soul than me joined the dots.

We used to live in central London and had streams of visitors - even friends of friends were given our number to "look us up" (and come and land on us). One friend even brought a girl home from the pub with him during his stay . Since we moved to middle of nowhere - you'll never guess at all - we only have close family who come and stay . I was not amazed!

I get this in Paris. Most of our houseguests are absolutely lovely, but there are two who irritate me no end. They earn ££££ but never contribute anything - I will come home from work to find them slumped on the sofa drinking a bottle of wine. They don't offer me a glass but say something like "We're glad to see you - we're really hungry and were worried that we'd be eating really late tonight."

They also rang once and said "We thought we'd come and see you this weekend." I said sorry, not convenient, DH's parents staying. They said, oh that's OK we don't mind the sofa bed. I said, sorry, no can do. They got quite aggressive then, saying "But we've already bought our tickets." I suggested they book a hotel as well, if they couldn't change their tickets. Last time, they said they would take us out to dinner. The bill arrived and he said "so we'll split it 50:50, shall we?" I said "No, you said it was your treat. I've fed you all week, I'm not running a free hotel, it's your turn to return the favour." He did pay up, but with very bad grace.

It seems to be the curse of living in holiday destinations then. Agree family can be worst. Dp's mum once turned up with a bag of pound land chocs for the dcs to share and proceeded to sit on her arse for 4 days. Sil is lovely while here but keeps no contact the rest of the year so I've not invited her this summer despite some heavy hints.

It's such a shame. Good guests are lovely to have but so few people get it unless they regularly host themselves.
When I leave friends I strip beds, empty bins, get rid of the rubbish plus get groceries in and take the hosts for a meal out while we're there. I also clear up after myself and the dcs and make rounds of drinks. It's the least I can do.

We had guests who got into arguments with our neighbours, guests who rearranged our furniture while we were away, guests who broke our lift because they crammed into it while pissed (the neighbours loved that), lots of guests who expected us to meet them at the airport, arrange taxis, chauffeur them around etc.

DH worked from our flat and his office was one of the spare rooms - we had many guests who slept in while he was waiting to work and then grumbled when he insisted they get up. Lots of people said they were happy to sleep on the sofa if we already had guests, like this would be doing me a favour - err, I don't want people sleeping all over the house, plus two sets of separate guests, while I also have work.

In Norway, where I am from, it is customary for guests to bring their own bed-linen and towels.

When we have guests in London (from Norway) I have to especially say "Dont bring bed-linen and towels, we are ok". And people go "Are you sure? Really???"

We have exactly the same problem - we live in a lovely place, and it's a free-for-all. We've had guests stay for three months, guests who sat and waited for every meal to be put in front of them and complained (!) about some of them, guests who 'use us as a base' (I quite like this, as it means they fuck off during the day) ... and I work from home, so it's an endless round of washing bedding and cooking between trying to earn a living. And don't even start me on the people who ask if they can do their laundry, and seem to think that sticking one load in the washer, piling three more up on the floor and buggering off constitutes them doing it rather than me.

One year we worked out that we'd had 56 guests.

This year we have finally had enough, and instituted a rule that only people we specifically invite, for specific times, are welcome. Everyone else gets told the same thing: "Sorry, we have other people staying then."

Can I suggest that you say that you already have people coming that week? Then - what a pity! - they've had to cancel only a few days in advance due to illness etc leaving you without the option of inviting anyone else.

Or invite people you really like and who are good guests for a couple of days - enough to fuck up any freeloaders plans.

Or arrange decorators to do some work for then (if you want work done). It's funny how people wont want to come if you have builders or decorators in.

YAsoooNBU

I think I would write a standard email which gets sent out to anyone asking.
so - on the phone - no problem, but I can't confirm it till I've checked the calendar with dh, will email you

Then in the email, be honest and blunt:

''We love having family and friends to stay, but we are not a hotel and we are not on holiday while you are here, sometimes we are working. Last ear we had none stop visitors for 10 weeks over the summer and I was cooking, cleaning and washing for all of them. That is too much for me. So if you would like to stay and use us as a base, or a holiday destination, we can only do it on this basis:

1. bring your own towels (that will cut some of the washing and drying)
2. we would kindly ask for contribution of x amount per week to cover food and electricity
3. I can provide dinner, but never on Sat and Sun as I need a break from cooking for guests, so you will need to either cook for yourselves and us, or buy takeaway for yourselves and us on those days.
4. We would really appreciate it if you help with washing up etc while you are here
5. bringing sleeping bags and pillows for your kids would help too.''

Then send out the email and say we would love to see you on yyyyy date if you are happy with the conditions above.

The only down side is that it might make people feel more entitled as they are then paying????

You are all incredibly sociable and nice. I live in a nice place, but no-one ever asks to come and stay, or at least not for more than one/two nights. Are we disliked? I have only one friend who has ever said come and stay while we are away, and even that I didn't as I felt cheeky. Is this normal?

This is a whole world of hosting I just couldn't live with, that's why I guess no-one asks.

I'm sometimes surprised by the people who are happy to try to stay with someone when it obviously isn't convenient for that person. Just had a baby / surgery / doing a big work project? Oh, we'll be no bother. Arghhhh!

However I am a miserable old cow and DH is super social.

Great idea above

Mumsy, it sounds as though you're doing something right to me

Haven't read everyone else's suggestions (sorry!) but I have family in the same position and this is what they do:

Someone contacts them with interest in getting free accommodation seeing them.

If they like them and would genuinely be happy to have them staying, then they get invited to stay but are expected help pay for food and drink. This applies to an incredibly small group - a handful of close relatives.

Everyone else? "Oh we're really busy with work, but I know a great holiday let group, I'll send you their details and we can meet up for a meal etc whilst you're here, just let us know when you're around".

I think that's pretty fair. Although I am pleased to count myself in the tiny privileged group

Steppemum, that is a great email but I'm too much of a wuss to send it. I know. I'm my own worst enemy. I can just about manage to ask people to pick up milk while they're out.

I have started doing more basic meals though - lots of pasta bake. Ice cream cones for pudding etc. I also use value range items for some things to cut down the food bill. Guests used to get m&s or wait rose in the old days..

Surely sponging at someone's house you are not that great friends with normally and eating all their food doesn't feel like a holiday, it's not even private, you can't argue, can't have sex (surely these people don't then noisily get to it after eating all that free food)? What's the point?

We have a lot of visitors. Most bring their own bedding, and most bring more than enough booze to last us a month.

Just say no. I am amazed at the cheek of people.

it must be the friends you have though surely

mine would never dream of being so rude or they wouldn't be my friends!!

When we went to stay with DB in the south of france, I was very conscious about this. Dh and I came up with a plan.....

We decided to pay for food and cook for EVERYONE.

We did all the cleaning and washing up.

We paid for days out.

Ran it past DB who was delighted with the plan! As was SIL.

It did help that dh is a chef who can make a meal out of nothing and I really didnt mind cleaning.

You are being far too nice, having so many people to stay....

This would drive me mad. I enjoy(ed) having people to stay but few and far between only.

I had to block three lots wanting to come and freeload stay this summer in the trendy Euro city I live in.

I am fed up of being a free hotel and maid to boot!

I just couldn't do it anymore. Especially after 20 years of single motherhood and taking care of aging parents...
Pure preservation.

What with booking.com et al, easy to guide them to alternatives. (and meet up etc.). And if they can't afford it, tough. I'm not here to subsidise anyone's life.

I like the airbnb idea. And then put the rent at double the going rate!